In regards to the kids yard toys, we had agreed she could get some, and I said I would help and this happened when we were leaving the park earlier today. At no point did I get angry or mention our sitch. After we left, we went our separate ways and she later sends me a text saying she thinks we both sometimes get defensive when she asks for stuff and that's why she usually doesn't. And she also said, "I don't want it to get ugly and have to go to court and split things up so hopefully we can get used to talking about these things.
I didn't respond to that text and 21 minutes later she sends me a text saying she'd like this and that from the back yard if I wouldn't mind. Once again I didn't respond.
Arcola, good job on not pursuing your wife physically, but why would you not respond to legitimate questions about your kids' stuff? I think that comes across as petty, and it probably led to the totally unnecessary altercation about the beer.
Starsky, In hindsight I see that I ignored her on something petty. At the moment I felt that we had already agreed it would happen, so there wasn't much left to discuss. Ill keep in mind discussion of kid affairs shouldn't be ignored.
Alpha99, I been working out usually 5 days of the week for at least 60 minutes either cardio or weight training. I'm hoping to transform myself, be healthy, and look good for me if I'll have to move on in the end. Most of my GAL happens to be with the W as of late. My thought of GAL is getting out of the house and doing something. However, I lack the getting out and doing something. There is a friend back from overseas I need to connect with. There is also a friend from work who I havent hung out with in a few weeks. I want to get out of my comfort zone, and do something that I wouldn't usually do. I do need to put more focus and energy in overall GAL. I'm happy most days with my regular routine, but the sometime during the weekends I usually hit a low.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
I don't know what to think of my LRT. I'm detached I feel with a lot of anger and sadness harboring inside me. Since last weekend I feel I've hit lows each day. Throughout the day contact with W is minimal, maybe 1 email exchange about kids or something important. Minimal conversation when we are in presence of each other.
It seems things went from us being friendly to less friendly. I can't say either is optimal given she's still in the fog in my opinion. Nonetheless, I'm sticking to the LRT.
Last night I counted three more months until her lease is up again. I'm thinking of throwing in the towel if things don't appear on the up then. Right now its a feeling, but who knows if I'll actually do so come that time.
Aside from my responsibilities kids, work, home, school, I need to pick up in the GAL department to avoid these recent lows I'm experiencing.
Today, I scheduled an appointment with DB counselor for Friday.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
The problem is that while you're in LRT, or any stage of DB, you have to keep working on yourself. The more you GAL, the stronger you become. I feel that you still concentrate on your W very much. Let that go.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am only taking the first real steps of GAL and I can honestly say that it does change your mindset. You have to do enough of it though to have a lasting effect. Doing something once a week isn't enough. You need to focus on YOU and YOUR LIFE and get the most out of it you can. What hobbies do you have? Have you neglected them? Why not try a new one. Get in touch with old friends. Join a club etc and try and make new ones. Go out there and live your life. I'm sure that you will find that life does go on, you will start to feel better instead of dwelling on things all the time, and that contrast in YOU may over time be noticed by your spouse. Done properly it seems that this wouldn't necessarily matter as you would be in such a good place that you will be living a full and fantastic life, and if your spouse misses out on that then surely someone else will spot the new and fantastic YOU.
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
Mr Bond, Yes I've read DB. I'm hoping to get to that point where my overall happiness doesn't revolve around my W.
Alpha99 My GAL needs a boost. During the week M - F its okay because I have work so gym during lunch and after work is about it, and sometimes eating out during lunch. On Mon and Tues. I could fit in some after work GAL since I don't have the kids. I know I'm still at a point where I tend to wait thinking "what if W" instead of just prior planning and following through.
I've read some of your recent posts and you seem to be on the steady up with GAL and your overall attitude towards the situation. That's great!
Blogging... Monday I decided to look at W's Facebook page, and bam! there's a selfie of her to some dude she works with. The caption said something like to my buddy OM3 the king of selfies, hope you're having fun, uhh I mean working hard.
It did get me down seeing this. Now that I'm not down about it, I'm just thinking to myself, "W how can you be so out of it. OM3 is like 24 and no kids. What are you thinking?"
So, since I'm a work in progress, I will pass along this advice...to anyone in the roots of their sitch, please! please! please! do not wait out the affair and think that there won't be another OM or OW.
Today when I was picking up D9 from her after school program OM1 kids are leaving and his youngest son comes up and hugs me. I hug back, patting him on the back. His daughter (friends with my D9) says hello and his oldest hadn't come out yet. It wasn't OM1 picking them up. I'm not sure who it was. I'm guessing it was OM1's ex-wife boyfriend. Anyway, he's parked next to me and I'm walking back to my vehicle with my 4 kids inside and they are going crazy calling, screaming OM1's kids name, twisted all out their booster seats and asking where's OM1. The where's OM1 made me upset, but I calmly told them to settle down and sit straight. After doing so, one of them asked once more about OM1 and I said calmly, but irritated, "I don't really care about OM1." D9 hears this from me and proceeds to say, "Okay guys, daddy doesn't like OM1 and tried to say something to the effect of he wasn't in their life.
Supposedly, OM1 is semi out the picture. However, after hearing D9's comment, knowing that she is just nosy anyway, and not to mention she witnessed me and W arguing a couple of times prior to S, I'm pretty sure she's aware of what's going on. I've asked her before how she felt about the two homes, but she just says its okay. She's one to be chatty so I don't know if she's holding things inside or not, but she appears to be okay. The others too given the situation.
Last edited by Arcola; 04/17/1505:02 AM.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
I read an article today that Russell Crowe was trying to reconcile with his estranged wife. I'm thinking wow, someone with money and fame is hanging in there trying to make things work. From what I read it seems they've been separated 2 years. Anyway, I thought I'd share, because it surprised me someone who is famous is trying to make it work.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
The problem is that while you're in LRT, or any stage of DB, you have to keep working on yourself. The more you GAL, the stronger you become. I feel that you still concentrate on your W very much. Let that go.
W needs to be even a smaller priority to you than you are to her. So your life needs to be 98% bigger than your response to her.
