Toot de Suite!

[rd500]

Toots. Great post. You asked and answered you own question. Great news on job Your H is taking his time. , what a fool ! toots is a catch and with a high powered new job !!! take care. Rd

[Cadet]

what makes you think that he has enough energy to actually carry through on this?

[gan]

Also Toots, possible it's not lack of bother that keeps your H from responding. He's got a pretty big decision in front of him. Not getting back to you may well reflect the fact that he IS bothered!

[Complex]

Congrats on the new job and saving the day for your dad. You're not only the hero of the day here, you are a great example and hero for many, especially females in here. Stay strong.
Not sure how to evaluate you're H behaviour. Just keep the expectations low. I don't know exactly the situation but sometimes people need a push in the right moment too. Handle with care tho!!

[jim0987]

Then I thought, Hmm - this is my problem. I have an 'expectation' that he will get back to me, because he said he needed a week to think and it's been over a week. So, I'm just trying to let go of the 'expectation' that he will respond - just need to keep moving forwards really....

Sums it up quite nicely I think. I'm sure having some more interesting work will really help you with moving forwards. I think if you looked around (and maybe you already do) you would have that feeling that says

'you know what, my life is pretty good and getting even better'

Your H will do what your H will do. at some point he may come back to you with some kind of answer or he may not until then keep being awesome and try not to give him any headspace.

[Sotto]

Thanks for posting guys. I read the thread on letting them go today. It really got me wondering why I am waiting to hear back from H. I'm wondering whether I'm now ready to post this:

H, I'm not going to wait for you to make up your mind and reply to me. If you can't decide whether you want to be with me, or to date, or otherwise, I'll decide for us. You can be with whomever you like because I won't be an option any longer. I realise it's time for me to let you go and move on now.

I'm sad things didn't work out for us. But you know, there are many good things in my life and it's getting better all the time. I think we now just need to resolve things as constructively as we can. I'll contact L and arrange to file for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, citing your affair as the reason.

I love you and I wish you a good life. I hope things work out for you.

Toots.

I guess I'm just posting it to see how I feel about it. Does it seem like a bit of a u-turn from my response 10 days ago when H mentioned D? Am I ready? Will I truly know that I'm ready?

[Wonka]

Toots,

Don't bother for if you do send that second email...it will just put you in a weaker and needy position. Don't. Silence is powerful from your position.

You are strong and don't need to hear back from him. ACTIONS, not words. You're poking the bear...not necessary.

This is what all girls already learned back in junior high school, right?!

[Sotto]

Thanks Wonka

I guess I just got angry today. Thinking, why am I waiting to hear back from him? After all that has happened? Is this how I want to be?

But I don't want to put myself in a worse position. Maybe I'll just try and feel power in the silence instead. I guess I need to do some more work on detaching.

I can see what you mean, that it's a form of chasing because he hasn't made a response. I'm just poking him in a different way.....I guess I didn't fully grasp this one at high school!

[Cadet]

I guess I need to do some more work on detaching.

I can see what you mean, that it's a form of chasing because he hasn't made a response. I'm just poking him in a different way.....I guess I didn't fully grasp this one at high school!

Speak with Actions not words.

If you want to be divorced then you can call the lawyer and file.

I agree with Wonka, silence is power.

[jim0987]

Hi Toots,

Clearly i'm not going to be able to add any advice better than Wonka and Cadet have given you but I agree with them - if your really ready to file then just file and tell him thats what you've done (trying to hit the balance of courtesy)

But I suspect you already know that whats prompting this is that he hasnt answered you when he said he would - calm those expectations

but i do think its a healthy line of thought to know that you deserve better than someone who isnt sure its what they want (not sure whether they can do it or afraid of getting hurt are a different story)

Enjoy the power (and peace) of silence