Confused & mix messages part 2

[Cherry]

Thank you both for the advice. I am focused on trying to make myself feel good. I know when I met him I had tonnes of confidence, and he found that attractive. I need to feel good about myself and believe in myself do that is a focus of mine, and obviously if he picks up on that that is a huge bonus.

He mentions seeing the MC every day. Again trying not to over think. But I agree surely we would be better if he said he wanted to work on it- otherwise it probably is going to be a waste of money.

[Jefe]

The MC I'm currently seeing upon our first meeting I handed him a copy of DB and made it clear that I was standing for my marriage and if he could't agree with either that I would continue looking. All with the express purpose of when my wife was ready that it would turn into "joint" counseling. But only after she was ready willing and able.

[Cherry]

Well that's what he is really pushing- joint counselling.. Maybe I should see the MC alone first and explain my feelings.
Keeping busy again today, h was out late again. I had long since gone to bed- couldn't sleep though- he came in at the small hours. He is missing out so much on baby's development which is hurtful. Trying to follow hearts advise of that is something he needs to deal with- I can't change or influence this.
I get a feeling something is going to happen soon, he is out almost every night now and all day weekends so me and baby never see him.
Planning days out for me and baby. I'm going to make sure I enjoy the 1st year of his life and make memories for us both

[Cherry]

Asked me about MC again. This is scaring the sh*t outta me as the mindset he is in- I feel he will go. Not talk, be set in his fog that he's ending this. He said he wants to get the D done quick as possible, probably to ease his conscience of the A. So I feel he's only pushing MC to help him achieve this quick.
I feel so so low right now, I am really struggling. He is out every night and all day, I scarcely see him anymore. I wake up hoping I've realised he means nothing to me. And when I don't feel like that I feel even worse. Been out today- but had such bad anxiety- trying not to cry in front of people. Today nothing is helping me switch my mind off

[Cherry]

He tells me he wants to be a friend and that only. I dunno if I'm gonna do more harm than good but I feel I need to leave. I don't think I can be here when he comes home. I'm so upset and hurt by his actions. I literally can't cope today. Anyone reading I would really appreciate some advise right now. I'm literally about to pack my things and go.

[bdub]

I think you will find that all or most of the experienced vets on here will tell you NEVER move out. Don't leave the marital bed and don't move out of the house.

Review DB and DR paying close attention to the sections dealing with boundaries. It sounds to me like you may need to set some firm boundaries to protect yourself and your child.

[Fogg]

Cherry, sorry your having a rough day. I wish I could tell you if leaving or staying is the best choice, but I don't know. Hopefully a vet can give you better advice on what you should do.

That being said, what I do know is that's it's generally a bad idea to act only on your feelings/emotions. I wouldn't rush to leave just because of that reason right now.

As for being his friend, you don't have to accept that. He can't just be your friend if he wants to fire you as a wife. He's just trying to justify his action in his mind.

I know your hurting today, focus on you and the baby. He has hurt you and will continue to. He may or may not see that right now. You have to work on detaching and not thinking about him all day. I know,so much easier said than done. Take baby steps. When you think about what he's doing push the thought away and go find something to take your mind off it.

[Jefe]

Based on what you just said, no go on the MC. He is looking an easy way out. I would not give it to him. If he wants a divorce don't stand in his way but by no means help him get it, and I would pretty much express that. Something like: "I understand you want a divorce, it's not what I want and it's not whats best for our child but I wont stand in your way. I also will not help you leave your family, so I'm sorry but I simply cannot got to counseling with you to help dissolve our marriage." or something to that effect.

As for leaving the marital home, NO WAY! he wants to leave, then he needs to leave. All of it. Don't do anything that makes you look like you are going along with his destructive behavior. But remember to act calmly with everything. Set firm boundaries and calmly and lovingly (As best as possible) hold them.

I know this is so hard, but you got this.

[Heart14]

This ^^^ is excellent advice. If he wants the divorce or separation, he needs to be the one to follow through.

I am focused on trying to make myself feel good. I know when I met him I had tonnes of confidence, and he found that attractive. I need to feel good about myself and believe in myself do that is a focus of mine, and obviously if he picks up on that that is a huge bonus.

This is good. Dig even deeper. What specifically don't you feel good about? What can you do to improve your self image and feel better about you?

Most of us are advising you against MC. Have you thought about IC? It can be a good, safe outlet for your anger, hurt and frustration.

[Cherry]

I was quite career driven at the time- I had just finished college and had my degree. I was going to go travelling- he found my free spirit inspiring.

You are too right, I should disrupt mine and my baby's life. And I no way want to help him to get this. He can pay out of his own savings if this is what he wants to do. I have an appointment in 2 weeks for a IC. I hoping this will really help me get on my way to getting my head straight. I go through so many emotions in a day it's unreal. I now really want to make something of myself to almost make him regret doing this to me.