The NC was dropped a long time ago, so that is not the reason, and she has not lost her job, she just took a leave of absence to destress i guess. So the entire sitch just baffles me. But anyhow i will just keep doing me and see where the chips fall!
it is completely obvious she is trying to find out if there is an OW. It's crazy to see how someone doing what she is doing thinks on a daily basis and how obvious her own insecurities are at this moment. Insane and actually sad to see. But hey this was her choice and decision not mine. Up and Up for me. thank you all for your input.
Today is a good day, even though i am at work!!!!!! Let me recount the past three days. I met my W on wed after work to pick up my two dogs. I decided i was taking them camping through Friday. So met the W the exchange went really well, all smiles and nice conversation. She mentioned that she didn't know that i had actually bought the truck i was driving. I just replied with yup it’s my new baby! With a smile of course. She asked about a few items from the old house and whether i have had time looking for them. I explained i hadn't but i would as soon as i could. After leaving the meeting i headed to a friend’s place to pick them up for our trip. While sitting at the light i see my W drive by and then brake and turn down the next road ahead of me. Now i know the entire area and what is there and such. It was obvious she was following me, everything down there is industrial except for a few apartment buildings, and she was headed to the gym. Definitely not in that direction, lol. I know the WHY and the WHAT FOR but i still have to ask "WHY, WHAT FOR"! What is the point? Anyhow i pulled into a little corner store to wait and see if she pops back up and sure as heck, she comes rolling around the corner just cruising slowly looking this way and that, Until she sees my truck parked at the store. She doesn't see me because i am inside. So she drives by really slow looks in the passenger window and leaves. All the time I’m laughing. But ACTUALLY it made me very pissed too. I don’t understand what she is doing and why all of a sudden she has resorted to this type of actions! She is the one who wanted to ditch this life and decided to start another one without me in it. I cannot say if she is happy or unhappy with her choice and frankly i dont care anymore. These are the choices she has made and the road she has chosen i am just completely at a loss for why now after 9 months she is pulling this stuff.
So anyhow, i hung out for a little while to make sure she finally left and then picked up my friend. I had such a good weekend; i had my children (DOGS) and good company. WE hiked, swam in the ocean, made a camp fire with friction, let me tell you that was a challenge and one that i finally completed just took me like 2 hours lol! The weather was amazing; i tasted a new beer called Rogue- Voodoo. Tasted just like the donuts from voodoo’s in Portland, Oregon. AMAZING if you have never tried it you have too and the bottle is worth the purchase as well! Last night i got home bathed the babies, and decided i needed to take a nice ride on my bike! I ended up at a street festival along with about 20 other riders. I enjoyed some unique foods and music and then ended my night with the view if an amazing moon, a nice breeze and a cold beer from my lani.
i just wanted to say today is a good day. EVEN though i am pulling a 12 hr shift. It’s going to be a good day. I'm breathing, i feel invigorated, strong, and hopeful for the future and extremely excited for next weekend. Going skydiving!!!!!!
On one hand, I think laughing about her wacky hypocrisy & loony behavior is the healthiest approach to take, (as long as you are also CYA legally!)
It's probably the best choice. Good for you. I see a lot of growth for real.
But OTOH, dang, I would also really want to calmly confront her about what you "BELIEVE" is happening ("no conclusive proof, just a lot of evidence")
and how genuinely disappointed you are with her blindingly obvious double standards.
Is she trying to justify her A, after fhe fact, and if so, WHY and For whom? Her mom? Her friends?
Everyone in the area knows the truth. This really seems beneath her, even given the adultery. You have "let go" of your anger about the affair WHILE you were deployed b/c "it's" not worth anymore energy on your part. ( Too busy GAL)
Still, It's one thing to break your vows & justify it however, she does,
it's a whole other thing to attack YOUR integrity and project her own shortcomings onto you.
And to what end? More money? Harming your career? Really, w?
Why not ask her to just leave you alone, as she has asked you to do for her, and let you both move forward freely and happily? You have set her free!
Perhaps you can say, in an upbeat but serious tone, that you wish her well,
and that you are actually grateful for the personal wake up call ---b/c it's motivated you "to make a lot of changes
and become a better man" (leave unsaid the "So eat your heart out, xw. I'm everything you always wanted me to be, but now it'll be for MY next w")
MAYBE MAYBE add that her following you or "Showing up coincidentally"
and calling your contact list --as your sister said it was her voice,
just reflects so poorly on her. Then leave & go GAL.
Because I mean, WTF?
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 06/06/1511:08 PM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25years, I was thinking the exact same thing. I think i need to have a conversation with her. And express that the things she continues to do reflect very badly on her. There was a time when i was the one running around snooping, checking texts, etc. Now that i have let her go, and begun the healing process of finding my new self and life. She seems to be hell bent on snooping into my life while still trying to maintain her A with OM. It makes zero sense. Both our families know about the A as well; so i really couldn't fathom why she is doing this. She wanted this new life with OM, i remember when we split a phrase that haunted me for far too long; she actually said "there was so much more to offer her in this world than what i could!" that rocked me to my core at that time; because i had and would have continued to give her everything i possibly could. I wonder if she is getting so much more from life now with me gone. To be honest i do hope she is, because through it all, i still love her in my own way. I hope she is finally happy and that she has found in OM what i obviously couldn't give her! But then the actions she has been taking tend to speak otherwise. Well i leave for Ft. Bragg in T-Minus 2 months, after that we will no longer need any type of contact. Life will indeed move on! Thank you for your input 25!
Hello everyone, today started out rough got into a mild argument with W over me deleting a mutual friend from Facebook...! I'm not kidding.....FACEBOOK!!!!! What is this world coming to. I would like to submit the event to see if I handled it right. Lets call it learning for the next time because lord knows it's going to happen.
W- I just wanted to let you know that you hurt friends feelings by unfriending her. I thought we werent going to do anything unecessarily mean. I have no intention of unfriending your friends and family.
Me-W that was my choice and it was by far not mean. I explained myself to her clearly. And when this is all said and done, why would you want to keep my family and friends on your friends list. Sometimes you gotta let things go to move on from the past.
W- I just hope you are proud of your actions
M- Listen, don't say that stuff to me. I have done nothing wrong. I was nice and honest. It's just facebook.
W- Just because you and I are not together does not mean the relationships that were built over the last 7 years mean nothing. If you want to go back on what we discussed then that certainly is your decision. Do what you gotta do.
M-You are right the relationships we built do mean something very very true! But that is just it. I'll be her friend always, but I don't need the Facebook reminders anymore. So from here on out could you please not tell me how we were going to stay friendly towards one another and anyone else, because I think I've done an amazing job thus far. And I don't appreciate every time I do something you don't agree with you throw that in my face. What I did has nothing to do with you. Like you said we are no longer together. So when randy said she was hurt by it; you should have just said I'm sorry but you know we are all in a difficult place, "supported my action" that was not done out of spite. And left it at that. No need to turn around and come at me with it. Or that"I hope your proud of your actions" statement!
W-I was honest with you and I have said what I needed to say. Bye.
It might be better to just ignore her and not respond to the nonsense. IMO she is looking for things to argue about with you. No reason for you to engage and fuel her addiction to drama.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
She is looking for contact with you. In any way (negative or positive) she can get.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
It's kinda weird that she does look for contact. She definitely is carrying lots of baggage around still. Just keep the distance that you need to move on with whatever you do. You seem to be in an even better place since I checked in last time. Glad to hear!
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Thanks everyone, I completely agree that it's strange, her actions completely confuse me. But I'm letting it go as her just wanting attention from me. And yes complex I'm in a great place right now. I have let everything go and made peace with knowing she is pushing through with the D.
