So sorry toots, was on my phone and screen is small so thought it said train, you both are amazing with the insight. So I think the talk went very well, hashed out everything there was no talking of emotions, I did however get emotional and start to cry but only when we started on the subject of our dogs. I know I will not be able to take them with me.
I thought your duty assignment was now to stay there? (Not that you can't change it, but what happened to "being stuck" there? And maybe keeping your dogs?)
And if it was "bad" that you cried regarding the dogs, so what? It's done and in the past. Move forward.
But no, I do not think it was a sign of weakness to show compassion and love for your animal companions. Heck, we lost our 14 year old pug last week and honestly, it was traumatic and a bit surprising! I mean, I knew we loved our dog but I didn't realize what a true family member he was to each of us. It's a big thing to have a friendship with someone for years, who never lets you down and is utterly loving and loyal, and then to separate from them...
I get it. (We Literally had a service for him. I never knew we were such intense "Dog people" but we are and I'm choosing to embrace that reality).
Very hard reality to face. I do not believe that me showing emotions for them was a sign of weakness however. What do you think? We parted on very good terms, we are going to sell and split everything. She thend out of the blue asked me if I would send her all the pictures I have of our trips together on Facebook before I delete them. I really didn't understand that one but whatever. Still no mention of divorce, but everything is playing out that way. Kinda weird any insight on that one. She also asked me not to toss all our pictures in the house!
IMO, it shows she is not certain of the path she is taking AND she might be allowing some positive marital memories to resurface. Don't suppress those by challenging her on things that are not truly vital.
As for why she's not living with OM, I thnk that's mature of her actually.
She needs time apart from you, perhaps - but she certainly needs time from OM.
Time to herself. Not jumping from a marriage to another committed relationship in a day is actually wise of her.
Without the OM in her constant presence, the other issues in her (or the marriage) MIGHT get addressed. That can't be a bad thing
but I don't know how it'll play out with the marriage.
What's happening to your career plan? And college? And did you say you had ruled out OCS?
Keep on keeping on...and keep us posted!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So I was told I would be stuck here, then branch contacted me and said they were sending me to bragg. So now I'm going to bragg. And I can't get out of this one. No leverage to use. As far as the dogs I just don't want to split them up, they have been together their entire lives. And since she brought one into the relationship and we got the other shortly after, I feel they should stay with her. Hurt but I think it is right. 25years- I would honestly rather have her happy and feel complete, than her have issues that go unresolved. And make her unhappy. I continue to hold hope of us one day coming together once again, I know I can't live my days in that hope. Things have gotten easier that is for sure.
As far as career, I am almost finished with my pre-nursing, as soon as I finish I will be applying to the AECP program. I hope to be completed with everything within 2.5 years. So I am staying driven and focused on the future. I would love for that to be shared with my W though. thank you for all the input.
So I was told I would be stuck here, then branch contacted me and said they were sending me to bragg. So now I'm going to bragg. And I can't get out of this one. No leverage to use. As far as the dogs I just don't want to split them up, they have been together their entire lives. And since she brought one into the relationship and we got the other shortly after, I feel they should stay with her. Hurt but I think it is right. 25years- I would honestly rather have her happy and feel complete, than her have issues that go unresolved. And make her unhappy. I continue to hold hope of us one day coming together once again, I know I can't live my days in that hope. Things have gotten easier that is for sure.
As far as career, I am almost finished with my pre-nursing, as soon as I finish I will be applying to the AECP program. I hope to be completed with everything within 2.5 years. So I am staying driven and focused on the future. I would love for that to be shared with my W though. thank you for all the input.
You seem to have a squared away plan that makes sense. I believe in having hope and yet somehow, not wallowing in it.
I think you get that. Keep us posted and carry on, you're doing very well.
PS I agree with your assessment of what is best for the dogs.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So where to start, today has been a tough tough, day. I woke up missing W. I almost feel like I have regressed, bUT I know it's a phase that has to be processed. I began packing things up at the house. Very tough moment; knowing things are actually moving on. I know it's better than sitting in limbo but if only you could will things to be better!!!! Wouldn't that be an amazing idea.. instead we are left with knowing what if's don't work and we are powerless to influence anything but our own actions and growth. I still see my W as my W and that is perhaps the struggle. I know I am no longer her H in her eyes. to just flip that switch doesn't work, even after the pain she has caused me.
It's a weird feeling, waffling back and forth like this. I know my course, I have a plan, but my goodness I miss my friend. I want to thank all of you for your support. I know "This to Shall Pass!"
I would like some input on a thought. I am moving what is the concensus on me taking photos of us when I move. I was planning on leaving them for her but there is a part of me that wants some. What is best for the long run. Or am I asking a question I know the answer to.
Sorry today has been tough, and I have so many memories to pack away in the coming month, I just pray for strength.
"I still see my W as my W and that is perhaps the struggle. I know I am no longer her H in her eyes."
The above resonates with my Rysin. I feel the same, and I'm sure many of us here do. It's hard, and who knows it may change for them. But for us all we can do is keep working on acceptance and moving ourselves forward in a healthy way. Being the person we want to be during this time.
As for the photos. Tricky. I have had this thought too. I actually wouldn't want to have any photos of H on display right now. But I wouldn't want to not take them and find they have been thrown out or something. Maybe you could email your W and say I'll pack up the photos and stuff. If there's anything you want, just let me know...
((Rysin))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots-thank you so much. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm not alone in the Way I feel. As far as pictures I do not want to display them but just keep a few. I don't know way, maybe a way of me showing I hAve not given up hope I don't know. I know she wants them. Again thank you
So where to start, today has been a tough tough, day. I woke up missing W. I almost feel like I have regressed, bUT I know it's a phase that has to be processed. I began packing things up at the house. Very tough moment; knowing things are actually moving on. I know it's better than sitting in limbo but if only you could will things to be better!!!! Wouldn't that be an amazing idea.. instead we are left with knowing what if's don't work and we are powerless to influence anything but our own actions and growth. I still see my W as my W and that is perhaps the struggle. I know I am no longer her H in her eyes. to just flip that switch doesn't work, even after the pain she has caused me.
It's a weird feeling, waffling back and forth like this. I know my course, I have a plan, but my goodness I miss my friend. I want to thank all of you for your support. I know "This to Shall Pass!"
I would like some input on a thought. I am moving what is the concensus on me taking photos of us when I move. I was planning on leaving them for her but there is a part of me that wants some. What is best for the long run. Or am I asking a question I know the answer to.
Sorry today has been tough, and I have so many memories to pack away in the coming month, I just pray for strength.
Hey Rysin
For me moving has really helped with me moving on so I hope the same is also true for you. Its very hard though the actual move day.
I still dream about my wife most nights. Still miss her, Still wake up feeling sh!tty and still wonder what the hell has happened. It will take a long time to get over her. My mate who has been divorced for 5+ years and is with someone else said he still misses his ex wife sometimes. it all takes time As far as photos, hmm, personal choice I suppose. I took nothing of sentimental value. I left the lot but I suppose if you want some you could just put them away for now??
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Ontheup, Have you ruled out reconciliation? And how has you relationship with your spouse been since the move. I will be a long way away come august. Today I took a major step, I opened a new checking account, and transfered my savings, I don't think she would do anything crazy but I needed to ensure I protect myself. She did not like hearing that I moved money into myvown account however. Today we are meeting to talk about division of assets. I hate these talks. They just kill me aND eat me up inside.
Now she is talking about wanting money from my retirement, and once I move out of the house she is wanting to split the housing allowance, and my cost of living adjustment I get. Hell we are not even D Yet. I know I have to give her a certain amount but Someone seems to be putting a bug in her ear For her to ask for half! She already makes more than I do with all my income combined. Insane! Yes today is g going to be a very hard day to experience.
Consult a lawyer..... With no kids filling for separation might be financially wise. If she makes more than you then she might actually have to pay you.
I HIGHLY suggest you find out your rights.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I was discussing this at length last night with my mates(after a few too many beers) as it stands Im moving on and saying no to R (not that my wife has even mentioned it since the day I left) but if I'm truthful I still think about it and if it would be possible. I push those thoughts out of my mind though. My relationship with my wife since I've left is purely about D8. We don't talk about us, m, R divorce nothing. It's easier at the moment We do need to discuss selling our property very soon which I'm sure will be difficult. It's the calm before the storm at the minute. Yes defo get advice about your sitch financially. If your wife makes a lot more than you then maybe she will have to pay you money.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
