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LiveNow Offline OP
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Huh. Another 2 months passed?? Well, a lot has happened. We did only 1 mediation session, and I just took all the stuff the mediator had written up and finished typing it up myself. Basically ended up splitting up everything 50/50, but I got a chunk of $ in lieu of spousal support. It's not a great deal, considering everything XH put me through, and all the $ he has spent over the past year and a half on OW and her kids. But it's over. I want to move on. I want to start my own life now, and not worry about him all the time anymore.

D was final last week. SO much to do now. Change my name, new bank account, change e-mail address, etc. I'll get through it. In a few months I won't be living in 'our' house anymore -- neither of us will, and it makes me glad he could not afford to buy me out of it so OW could come over and enjoy all the fruits of my labor (we designed it).

So much to process. But, the day after BD, almost 2 years ago now, I began to prepare for this time. I attended 2 DivorceCare sessions, with 2 different groups, many of whom I'm still in touch with now. I GAL'd my butt off, reestablished contact with many friends and family, did a year and a half of weekly counseling sessions...so, here I am. I think I'm actually prepared to go on now without him. It makes me very sad to see him, because he looks bad, sad. But I just can't bring myself to be his 'friend.' I don't know how you all do it. It's just not possible for me. The hurt was just way too deep. He left so abruptly -- one day I had what I thought was a loving H, and the next day I didn't. It is so much better for me to not see him at all. We only communicate by e-mail now. And that's fine with me. Of course, I have my moments, and they are difficult to get through. But they pass. Patience.

So, I turn 52 this Saturday (and Happy Spring everyone!), and I'm taking a cue from someone I know who always throws himself a birthday party! I'm hosting a dinner party for 8 of my closest girlfriends, really to thank them for helping me through this mess. I'm making everything but my cake! Without them, and without this board, I would not be where I am today.

Oh, and I have a (coffee) date tomorrow afternoon! First one. Weird. I think I'll know right away whether I really want to date or not, yet. We'll see.

I continue to read and post occasionally here. So many inspiring stories, so many strong people. Would so love to meet many of you and swap stories. (I know, there are rumblings on Mighty's thread. I'm SO there. Let's DO it!) Hugs and prayers to all on this journey along with me tonight.


Me 53, XH 57
M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids
BD June '13
H moved out July '13
Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14
H filed for D Nov. '14
D March '15
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I'm glad that the divorce is finally over for you because now you can put your focus on you and your life. Divorce proceedings take up a lot of time, energy and money. You've got a list of things that you will need to do in the near future and I have no doubt that you won't get them done in the next couple of weeks. However, I'm very sorry that you aren't going to continue to live in the house that you designed. That's a shame, but glad "she" won't be there either.

If you decide to date, go out and have some fun. Nothing says you have to have serious relationship quickly. There are plenty of men out there and you want to enjoy the time you spend w/them. If you opt not to get serious about someone, that's okay too....because when the time is right, the right man will cross your path when you least expect it.

Enjoy your new found freedom. It's not how you wanted thing to go down...but sometimes what we don't want actually turns out to be a blessing in disguise.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2549349 03/20/15 12:58 AM
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Thanks, Job. The blessing in disguise thing...I tell myself that all the time. So many things in my life that I thought were bad things happening to me turned out to 'open new doors' to some of the best things that have happened! So, I'm counting on that this time around too. :-)

Well, first date in over 23 years this afternoon -- and it was BAD. Thankfully, it was just over an hour long. New rule: don't agree to meet until you've at least talked on the phone! But, just like job interviews. I learn something each time. And good things come to those who wait...


Me 53, XH 57
M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids
BD June '13
H moved out July '13
Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14
H filed for D Nov. '14
D March '15
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
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LiveNow- I read your posts often and just wanted to check on you. Glad you are thriving and selfishly I admit it helps me feel better to read about someone who has survived this mess and is stronger than they ever thought possible.

Thanks for the update and all your thoughts. I went to a divorce group in early days but have been thinking that at 9 months post BD I really need to try it again. It was so early before that maybe now it would be more helpful.

Again good to hear you are well.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Live, you sound GREAT! Good for you. It is crazy to look back on a year and realize all that can happen, huh? Sorry your coffee date was bad. But, hey! You tried something new. Good for you! I think that's great!

Mighty #2549555 03/20/15 08:56 PM
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LiveNow, good to hear from you. He is a loser.

On the other side... This quote:

“Many people have come and left, and it has been always good because they emptied some space for better people. It is a strange experience, that those who have left me have always left places for a better quality of people. I have never been a loser” ― Osho

I think I can live with this smile .


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Gwen, I think that would be a good idea, to do the DivorceCare class again. It was suggested when I went to my first session because you will have a bit of a different perspective the second time around -- you'll be in a different place, so you'll pick up things you didn't the first time. (Of course, the facilitator always joked that if you did it 3 times, you were husband-shopping -- ha.) This is a tough road, and those classes were really helpful to me, not just for the lessons, but because of the new friends I made. The first group pulled me through those first several awful months after BD. I will never forget all the help and companionship we gave each other. 6 of us are very close still, and text each other regularly. We called ourselves The Overcomers. :-) Hang in there, Gwen.

Mighty - thanks for checking in here. Yesterday was my 52nd birthday, and I threw a dinner party for 8 close girlfriends who were so helpful to me in the last year and a half. If it hadn't been for them (and my DivorceCare groups!), I would not be where I am today. I feel like I've come a long way, and they were a big part of making me feel like myself again, and in getting me to look forward, and not backward anymore. So easy to say, so hard to do. Lean on your friends and family, Mighty, and even when you don't feel like doing something, make yourself go out. I was always glad I forced myself, and little by little, I started to have fun again. I remembered what I was like before marriage. Different for you, no doubt, since you were very young when you married -- I was 30. You may have more 'rebuilding' to do, and reinventing (or inventing?) yourself. So worth all the time and effort! And Spring is a great time to start!

Bright - great quote! Thanks for that. When one door closes...

So my dinner party was a blast. 8 girlfriends, and if I had had the room, I would have invited 5 more! I feel so fortunate to have them all in my life. I, the person who never wants to be the center of attention, made the first 'toast' I have ever made in my life, to my friends who helped me navigate this storm.

And do you think I had even an acknowledgement of my birthday from the man who I spent 20+ years with? Nope. Not even a text this year. (Last year, that's all I got: "happy birthday" -- not even any punctuation in it.) He made his point. We are D. He no longer "has to do" anything for me. Got it.


Me 53, XH 57
M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids
BD June '13
H moved out July '13
Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14
H filed for D Nov. '14
D March '15
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
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Happy belated Birthday! I’m glad you had great time with your friends.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
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Yes Happy birthday (a little late) - sounds like a beautiful way to mark the start of a new year full of limitless possibilities.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Posts: 28,295
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job Offline
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Happy Belated Birthday! Sounds like you had a wonderful birthday celebration.

I'm not surprised that your xh didn't send you any type of greeting on your special day. If he had, that would mean he was thinking about you and he doesn't want you to think that he does.

Keep up the good work!

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