I've not been a stay at home mom but have had some friends re-enter the workforce. Listen, as a mom, we know you got stuff DONE!!!!
I'm sure your kids had activities that required some type of participation. Did you hekp with any fundraisers? Organize food drives? Chaperone trips? Organize neighborhood yard sales? Volunteer work? Don't be afraid to showcase skills that you DO have. Just because you haven't been in the workforce. For example, highlight in a cover letter that you spearheaded a coat drive for the local homeless or women's shelter. Something like that. Think about things you've done, helped your sons with or done with the community.
Something will show up soon for you. Keep at it!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
A question for those who have been through a mlc and vets who are a font of knowledge
Been a quiet day so I have been catching up on threads and reading back over cadets links etc -
I was told that knowledge is power - so here is my question:
I understand when a MLC'er gives the ILYBNILWY speech and then once out of crisis they can come to realise that they actually do love their s and try to reconnect with them. But I don't understand how a MLC'er can give the "I am no longer physically attracted to you" speech and then change their mind - especially if the MLC'er is a distancer and has not seen his/her s for months - poss yrs. How is that even possible; doesn't that feeling/knowledge of non attraction stay in their memory?
I suppose I am interested to know how a distancer MLC'er comes to the conclusion that they lost the best person in their life and want to try reconcile with them and how they make that happen - It does not relate to my sitch right now - I am just interested to know how reconciliation can happen from a MLC'er point of view as I have only read from the LBS side.
Other Stuff - update.
No luck as yet on the job front; the one I am really interested in applications closed today - thanks GB for the cover letter tip, I changed tact from my norm, so fingers crossed.
My cleaning job at the motel has finished - I completed all the unit cleans for their Qualmark inspection ...which they passed, so happy owners ..lucky owners for meeting the clean queen ha ha
Both s are doing fine, all quiet on the home front
Had a long skype with a few girlfriends back in the UK, I was needing it - some top up love :o) They have been scheming on ways to get me back lol, so I have said I will try and visit when work and money have sorted themselves out - it gives me something to look forward to.
Keeping myself busy, cleaning our rental to my standards, clearing the garden and I make sure I go out for a walk every day, rain or shine. I have backed off a few friends with the feelings stuff now as I feel they are over listening to it; a year of listening to me going around in circles - I can totally understand, I know that they all have their own lives to lead, the perils of being a single women amongst married friends. Thankfully I have a few lovely girlfriends in the UK I can babble on to whenever I feel the need and they do the same back to me.
Feelings wise - strangely calm, its a new one on me - another one to add to the pot.
Lou - someone wise like Wonka can better give you the MLCer pov.
The lack of attraction I believe is due in part to their depression. A MLCer seldom goes off with a younger version of their long term spouse/partner. In fact my middle son could not believe the woman my xh originally left me for. She was very different and according to him, not at all attractive.
So when the fog lifts, and the depression is seen for what it is (all too often MLCers fail to realise they are in fact deeply depressed) it seems that old feelings may return.
But then there is denial . . . . and loss of memory.
Lou, Bea has given you some good advice. People who are depressed lose interest in many things, one being their spouses. They lose that feeling of love, not just w/the spouse but other things that were near and dear to their hearts prior to the depression. Hobbies that they once loved to do, go by the wayside, the same w/work. Everything becomes a chore in their old life.
Many people who are depressed take up new things, they gamble, drink, do drugs, leave jobs and find new ones, find a new person to take up with, etc. This all makes them feel good for a short period of time and then they go out and look again for things that give them that little euphoric kick. The OP is there to provide that spark for a while because they are "NEW", not because they are better than you, but they are different and usually they are the opposite of us in some ways because their interests may be different.
As the depression begins to life, many of them come to realize what they've done. Some will deny everything to the day they die and others will admit it to others, but not to the parties that they hurt. Memory is a tricky thing and some will remember portions of what they did in crisis and others won't.
If you have the time, you might want to read up on depression. Depression for men is different in many ways than it is for women.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have been reading up on depression, it's good to learn new things.
Its powerful stuff - depression and mental health. I hope that anyone going through a mlc can find a way to reach out when reality does catch up with them.
Lou- I have wondered those same things. Thanks for bringing this up. It is an obstacle to for sure to any sort of reconciliation and that makes me sad.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Wednesday - I made a mental leap, enough is enough. I made a decision, I will spend what money I do have left on ME, things I need (like a car to get me to work, yep staying positive) and things I want, like setting up an "always wanted but never had” craft room and some furniture.
Thursday – I bought a car! This is the first time I have EVER bought my own car, for me it was a HUGE deal, I mean this is something I have done on my own, for me; my h is a petrol head so always did the car buying in the family. I bought a car I like, the colour I like, the style I like – me me me , It was only a cheapy but it’s all mine. On the way home in my cute little hatchback, I called in to the supermarkets to do my weekly job vacancy check – I applied for a couple and went home. Got home to a phone call – supermarket x – they looked at my application, I am not suitable for the position I applied for but would I interview for one not advertised yet – interview tomorrow morning Whoop Whoop, an interview, a real live interview – yeay!
Friday (today) – interviewed for job, turns out to be cleaner, full time. Horrid hours 1pm – 10pm including Saturday, but Sunday & Monday off. Long story short – I left, they checked my reference with my current employer (the motel I casual clean for) and I got the call this afternoon – got the job, start next week.
I know it’s not the best job in the world ; it’s not forever, it just gives me breathing space to figure out what I want to do with my life and future career. It also has a secondary meaning and I think maybe only you here would understand what I feel – me getting a job ….any job ….after being a sahm for 22yrs is massive for me, it gives me self-worth but more importantly it has been the final step in my independence from h …..I no longer need him for anything. I can stand on my own two feet financially now – my wage pays my rent, bills and food, it also allows a little for my travel fund. I know things will be tight, but that’s ok.
It’s weird, I thought I would be celebrating – and I am internally breathing a huge sigh of relief – but you are the first I have told about any of this week’s events – I have not told my girlfriends yet. It’s an emotional moment; I am so happy I have found a job and can breathe a little easier now, but I am a bit sad that this is it – no longer needing h when I have been dependant on him for so long.
So I have a weekend of work at the motel and then start my new job on Monday. A positive week for me in the forwards direction ...in MY car
Lou, Congratulations on purchasing a car! That is a huge step for you, but one you needed to do.
As for the job, it's not the best one out there, but it will help you financially until you can get something better. It's a stepping stone and I know you'll continue to apply for other positions while working this one.
Your week has provided you w/some positive outcomes. I'm sure you are happy, but relieved as well, i.e., just knowing that you'll have some money coming in. As for the other things you would like to have, they'll come in time. I know you'll get everything that you want in due time.
Keep up the good work! I'm very happy w/your news today!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Isn't it amazing when you work out that you can actually make decisions based purely on what YOU want???
I was always indecisive before, to the point where it got boring. Turns out, I was always trying to weigh up the best options for everyone else. Lots of second-guessing. Now I just have to please myself, and I know what I want.
This post took me back to August .. same thing, like you I never did things for me, had to have W's permission on everything ... SMH now, man how times have changed. Anyways I went in to Harley just to look, thinking, my Bday is in a month and I am doing this .. W can have her life, her A, all that I am going to live MY live MY way for a change. 3 hours later they are tossing me the keys, all the sales guys started up bikes they were close too, honked horns rev'd those throaty motors, I am telling you ... Biker guys all over the place clapping and welcoming me into the new family, I almost ruined it by tearing up!!!!
KUDOS to you, I know how big those steps you are making are !!
; it’s not forever, it just gives me breathing space to figure out what I want to do with my life and future career. It also has a secondary meaning and I think maybe only you here would understand what I feel – me getting a job ….any job ….after being a sahm for 22yrs is massive for me, it gives me self-worth but more importantly it has been the final step in my independence from h …..I no longer need him for anything. I can stand on my own two feet financially now – my wage pays my rent, bills and food, it also allows a little for my travel fund. I know things will be tight, but that’s ok.