All went smoothly with the flights. I spent two nights with a girlfriend and then S18 picked me up and we travelled back to where he lives.
S18 spent Wednesday with his dad as he was in the area for a funeral. It was the funeral of a young lad 26 who h had mentored at his last branch of the company he works for; he crashed his car and died from injuries.
H also spoke to S18 about what s21 had said about ow, h admitted to s18 that she is not a keeper; that he rushed into moving her in, it was because both of them were struggling financially so it made sense. He said that he has really messed up and that he is not sure what he wants anymore.
Yesterday h contacted s18 about a car s18 wanted to buy, asking what he was going to do with his current car – s18 replied that “m is going to use it” – within minutes h rang s18 and asked him if I was back in nz. I was in the room at the time so s18 told h I was with him and h asked if I would speak to him.
He was shocked I was back, asked why, so I said that the boys contacted me and needed me back so I came. He then got chatty about the boys, we reminisced about being their age and how we were, then we talked about the funeral and h got chocked up, spoke about the boy and how it could easily happen to our boys. He spoke about the problems he has been having with them, and asked if I knew what had been going on- to which I replied I did; that he has handled it badly and his fear of losing his sx2 was becoming a real possibility, that they felt he was putting ow and her kids before them and that he was turning into the one person he always said he never would– his dad (who walked out on his m for someone else, started a new family with ow and stopped communication with h and his brother). He agreed with what I said, tried to say he never meant it to come across like that to them, that he has told ow that his children come first and he thought that was the case, but obviously our sx2 see it quite differently. He said his life is a mess at the moment and he needs to sort it out – he talked about applying for another job but it’s a big wage drop, so I asked if it was where he is currently living or is he looking further afield – he replied that it is where he currently lives as ow can’t move because of the kids and her family, job etc, but that he needed to sort out what he wants to do about her and then he can decide on whether he will move or not.
He sounded relieved that I was back, to take on role of parent again – he hopes that having me back will sort them both out ….like I am wonder woman …well, I am WW but that’s not the point !
So it sounds like he is regretting his decision to move ow in, that going out with her in the first place was a bit quick and he has messed up big time.
I listened to him, I answered his questions, I did not tell him what I have been doing with my life, what my plans are or talk about us (other than when he started reminiscing). I hope I did ok, I probably let the call go on too long, but he seemed to want to talk, so I let him.
I have not read anything into this, he sounds messed up in the head and only he can sort it out. I am still carrying on with all my plans – job, car, home. Travel and buying a VW camper is still on the wish list. Nothing includes him as nothing has changed. He knows I am back – how will this affect him; only he knows. How it affects me - its onwards and forwards on my wibbly wobbly journey.
Today s18 and I viewed a flat this morning and we loved it, the owners did reference checks and within a coupe of hrs of viewing it I was signing on the dotted line we move in on Friday. Today we are also going to do all his laundry and get his place cleaned up to hand back tomorrow. Now the job hunt begins - although when I booked us in to a motel for the week the lady offered me some cleaning work for tomorrow which I jumped at, its a start. So life looking up for me yeay
I am missing all my UK peeps, it was my home no2 so leaving everyone who has been so kind and supportive, allowing me to heal, making me laugh, letting me cry; they are my angels and I miss them all.
So far so good. First hurdle – h finding out I am back …tick (to be honest I really did not think he would care at all that I am back). Second hurdle - finding me and s18 a home ..tick. Next is a job ....
You are doing so well - MLCers, as you know, bounce all over the place with their emotions.
It is a big plus that you can talk to yours. You did well in llistening.
Hope you get the job you deserve - I am sure you are an ace cleaner, but running the country or settling teh Mid East peace process sounds more like your scope.
Lou, I'm glad you arrived safely. You did exceptionally well in having a conversation w/your h. He is all over the place and doesn't know which end is up. Hopefully he will figure out a way to maintain a relationship w/his sons.
As for a job...you'll find the perfect one for you. I'm sure you are an excellent cleaner and the work and extra cash will come in handy.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you kml, Gwen, Vge, Beatrice and job for your kind words and well wishes. I can always count on you to lift the spirits.
Originally Posted By: 123gwen
Good for you Lou. You are my inspiration. I see your positive side and it is beautiful.
Gwen; Inspiration! well, I am not sure about that, but thanks, I am trying to keep positive and remind myself that I have no control over anything apart from what I do and what I think.
Originally Posted By: beatrice
You are doing so well - MLCers, as you know, bounce all over the place with their emotions.
Yes suree, h is definitely emotional at the moment, I think the death of his friend has hit him hard. He is now at the point of questioning what he has done - more the new relationship so quickly than the leaving me though I think. I am not sure he will ever regret that - he has not acheived what he set out to do yet.
So today I worked for the morning cleaning motel rooms,its the same motel s18 and I are staying in so I am having my wages taken off my bill. I have been asked if I want to do some more hours so that is good. We moved s18 out of his place today. Tomorrow the job hunt begins.
S21 text me to say that h had asked him for my mobile number and he gave it to him, he hoped that was ok - I replied no worries, but would prefer next time if he was give my number out to someone could it be to a hot guy :o) to which s21 laughed at.
Although I am not expecting anymore contact from h, I do want to prepare myself for that possibility now he has my number, I don't want to get sucked in, he still has that affect on me.
So thats all from me - thanks for checking in. Life is an interesting adventure if you let it be!
I'd be very cautious about your contact with H. Like Mightys ex, he may be saying what you want to hear about OW now, but a week or a month from now he and OW may have made up and he'll deny he ever said any of those things. Talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words.
Thanks for the advise kml. My concern is that my h starts using me as a friendly ear:to talk about things and people only I would know about as he and ow don't have the history.I don't see any signs that he regrets his decision to leave me, I do see signs he regrets getting involved with ow, she has started to irritate him and more importantly our sx2 don't like her and she doesn't like them so it's now come to a her or us ultimatum from them. If he decides to finish with her then he knows getting back with her would result in losing his kids from his life.
Atm nothing he has done or said gives me reason to think he will ever want me back in his life as more than just a friend. I am not sure what I want anyway,I question if the damage can be undone now. I do still love him, I had not spoken to him since Oct last yr, yet it felt like yesterday. The nicer he is the harder it is to remain detached from him.
Be careful as you don't want his emotional roller coaster to become yours. You have worked hard to find your independent emotional foundation, don't let him come along and shatter that. Just keep reminding yourself that he is not done with his journey yet and until he is, he is of no use to you!
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
we move in on Friday. Today we are also going to do all his laundry and get his place cleaned up to hand back tomorrow. Now the job hunt begins - although when I booked us in to a motel for the week the lady offered me some cleaning work for tomorrow which I jumped at, its a start. So life looking up for me yeay 
