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mleigh4 #2559811 04/22/15 11:41 AM
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M4,

Once this list is done and checked off, is it possible to get the locks changed? Just a thought, so your H knows once he is out he can not come and go as he pleases, but I dont know if leagally he has to have access to the house?

Hang in there, keep on the path of sanity, keep smiling, keep GAL (I tell myself these same things every day).


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2560030 04/22/15 08:38 PM
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NLCP. Thank you for sharing. Yes, it is painful and quite annoying!

2Bhappy, I will see how it goes and am thinking about the locks. He really only needs access to the garage to leave son's things.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2560260 04/23/15 04:40 PM
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Just a quick journal because I am at work.....

I had to interact with MIL last night. She decided to pick up S from school and hang out with him at my place until I got home. It is something we have talked about before and I was fine with it, S loves spending time with her. I got home to her having watered all my plants ( they didn't need it, I had just done it the day before and do it only every several days because of our CA drought and water bills), defragmented my laptop computer (without my permission), accidently had let the cat out because she left the door open (luckily S saw her in the backyard) and made a comment while I was putting my clothes in the dryer that H has S do that for him. ( I don't place everything in the dryer, many things I hang up to dry, and I don't really want S going through my underwear) Then I came across one of my statues that had been broken. I asked her what happened, she said the cat must have done it. Then she offered to take it with her to super glue it. By then, I was just done with her for the day, and said I think I have some super glue, however, maybe not because everything has been taken. (not nice of me to take a stab at her S, I know, it just came out)

It is nothing that she did that is life shattering, some of it even nice, but the woman just rubs me the wrong way. Especially after BD and what I am dealing with because of her S.

Anyway, what I am getting at is this..... I am realizing, in a really big way, I don't like who I am with H and his family. I don't like how I feel with them, how I see myself through their eyes. I don't like who I become around them. It's self work I suppose, to figure out why I become who I am around them and what I can do to change that.

I feel emotionally drained after dealing with H and his mother this week. It weighs on my mind why I feel the way I do and why I say the things I say. I am a really nice person, and I feel like a major B when dealing with them.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2560267 04/23/15 04:48 PM
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I understand how you feel. You'll need to have a discussion w/your MIL and tell her that you appreciate her picking up your son and spending time w/him at your house, but you would prefer she not do anything to your computer and be careful about not letting the cat go outside. Set some "gentle" boundaries w/her because she truly doesn't know where she fits in w/the family now that her son has gone AWOL.

You've had quite the week and it's not over yet...but you'll feel better when the weekend comes. Dealing w/MLCers and families are difficult most of the time, but when they "invade" your space it gets old very quickly.

It will get better in time.


job #2560301 04/23/15 06:04 PM
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Mleigh... I laugh only because I just realized I too don't like who I am when I'm around W... Luckily I do not have much contact with her family, most likely for the best as they are in the dark when it comes to W.

That being said... It hit me last night... I've done to much work, come to far to get sucked back into who I was, or behave in a way I don't want ... I see that with you... For me it's something I've noticed and will make an effort to work on... Adopting the fake it till I make in mantra


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2560337 04/23/15 07:29 PM
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Good idea Job. I really do think she means well, and she is very......in denial and in the dark about her son. From our conversations, she truly feels this is all about us having an unhappy marriage, that H lived with neglect from me for too long, and that it is hopeless (her words) She very well may feel uncomfortable in the house and around me, I think she may have just been looking for things to do to keep busy.

Cali - you hit it. I have come way too far to go back to that place, and it frustrates me that they can bring it back in me. With that, I know I have no control over them, only me, and this is a great project to work on in myself.

Another thing I have noticed within myself is that I have become VERY protective about my home and everything in it. This is my safe place, my refuge, and continues to become my escape with all my home projects and changes. Maybe I have become over sensitive with them invading my space that I have become so protective of. Between my husbands house shopping and her touching my things, it just really got to me! Most likely doesn't help that I am an only child! lol

Well, it really helps to talk this out and I now have a focus to work on within myself. Thank you both so much.

I have been invited to H's nieces baby shower coming up next month, it will be held at MIL's house. I really really really don't want to go. I don't have any relationship with any of them, only H's one sister, and this is not her daughter. I may have to skip that, but send her a really nice gift instead.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2560350 04/23/15 07:58 PM
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Mleigh .... thing is YOU see it, that's big. I think in a way we are/were faced to deal with so much so fast that we can only process it in chunks at a time ... but for them, its like they want us just where they left us, like in a time lock, unaware of anything that has happened, and that is just not possible.

The LBS grows and gets better, becomes independent .. I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal provided you are not running around your house like those birds in Nemo saying 'mine mine mine ... mine mine mine' laugh Your sitch seems a bit different as there still is no sign of a OW, just your H out in la la land doing his walk-a-bout which may be better or worse I am not certain. I agree with job and do think setting some firm boundaries would be good for you both ... I know when I set them it was for me, not to punish her, end result was gaining some respect that I had lost over the years back. Slow process .. .but again in MLCville what isn't? laugh


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2560377 04/23/15 09:13 PM
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Are you saying it's bad to run around the house saying "mine, mine, mine!!" Ok, duly noted smile

My dear friend still gives me a hard time about smacking her hand when she would take my McDonald's French fries in high school. I haven't changed much!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2560443 04/24/15 12:37 AM
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So, some food for thought......

If you can relate, in not liking who you are or become around your MLCer, and not liking how you see yourself through their eyes, imagine how the MLCer must feel.....


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
mleigh4 #2561545 04/27/15 06:33 PM
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Had a nice weekend. S wasn't feeling well on Friday. H had him and ended up staying home from work and school with him. After work, I asked H if he could bring S my way or if I should go there to pick him up. H answered that S wanted to lay down and if it was ok to go his way to pick him up. Being that I really want him at the house as little as possible with the whole "shopping" thing, I was fine with that. Something came to mind though. I remember, within a few months of my moving out, my house became an uncomfortable place for me to go to. It felt strange to me, especially with changes H was making to it. I wonder if H is beginning to feel that way as he is coming less and less and has silly reasons for it.

Anyway, S was standing at the door when I got there. I took him home to give him extra TLC for not feeling well. Dog was able to stay with me too as for whatever reason, she all of a sudden won't jump in the back of my truck. She can jump onto my bed, same heigth, with no problem. Not sure what is going on there, but she weighs almost as much as me. There is no way I can lift her. My friend says it's because she doesn't want to go to H's house. Lol. I am not so convinced of that.

I had S all weekend and we laid low. I put together my patio set all my myself! I love it, really adds to the yard. I decided last minute to have a few friends over on Sunday for a bbq. We had a really good time and they raved about how nice the yard and house are coming along. They are also friends of H, but his name never came up. Just a comment on how cute a picture of us was that I have on the fridge. It was the first time I have had friends over without H being around. It was very comfortable and so nice to enjoy myself without even missing H not being there. Huge step for me!

I debated and debated, should I invite H? These are his friends too. But I decided, it's best to leave H alone right now. Contact from him has been less and less, I sense something is going on there.....not sure what.....I just sense that it is best for me to stay as far in the background as I can right now. There will be lots more get togethers at my place, I will invite H when and if it feels right.

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