Don't help him. If you are just separated things need to stay at home until or if you divorce. You could put all personal items in a box and set it at door for him but household items I wouldn't give to him.
Ok, little self work here... what is it that is eating you with this ... the fact he is slowly inching that bandaid off and you are at a point you just want to rip the darn thing off and be done with it? ... I get that feel here.
I think its honestly boundary time. Stern direction from you, if you do not need/want the first aid kit, set up a time and let him know .. you also want a list of the rest of the things he 'needs' so this can be done with once and for all .. as you said .. your place is not the pick-n-pull. Or ... maybe this is an item you actually will need, with as much home improvement things as you have done .. you might need this in an emergency and it will be gone, or you will hav eto replace it.
Boundaries ... they need them it seems, heck its almost like they beg for them. I think its time you set this one, he chose to leave and have his own place, along with that comes responsibilities.... feels like he is window shopping your place and seeing what he can cram into his new one.
I agree, no more household items. The tough part is that he always brought stuff home from work, stuff he got from various job sites, however it was stuff for the house. So, is this considered household stuff or his? That is where I get mixed up. Most of it I don't use so that is why I always just let it go.
Self work - I think it is the principal of it, I feel disrespected and my panties get all in a bunch! I would prefer he just take the rest of his stuff all at once, instead of a little at a time. What I need to think about is why I feel that way. It comes off as controlling, yes? My way not his way. So I will think about how to handle this before saying anything further to him.
I do like the idea of setting a date for him to take the rest in 1 shot though. We are talking alot of stuff. He still has clothes here, golf clubs, shoes, his childhood stuff, his deer head, and all the junk he accumulated in the garage. But actually, it could be done in 1 trip. As long as we keep it to personal stuff, no more household items.
So to make that request, does that come off as controlling, or fair? Because I want to be fair.
Job - I am still waiting to hear your thoughts too!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I think I advised you a while ago to set boundaries about him taking things from the home. The time has come to sit him down, advise him that he needs to make a list of what he wants and then you can either box it up or be there when he comes to get it. Once he has gotten all of his "stuff" that is identified on the list, he will need to understand that's it. Household items are not up for grabs and should remain in the home.
Question...do you need this first aid kit? Do you have one in the home? If so, then give it to him, but emphasize the list has to be compiled and given to you and once those items are picked up, that's it, i.e., he's on his own. If you don't set boundaries, this will continue. I know you want things to go well between you, but enough is enough. Are you over there telling him what you want from his stash of stuff? If the answer is no, then you need to learn how to say the two letter word "NO".
Time to set up a date and be there when this move takes place or you will discover later on that there are other things missing. Give him the black matching luggage, i.e., plastic bags if he doesn't have boxes. The luggage works quite well and doesn't take up as much space. Oh, another thing, if he says he can't take it all that day, then advise him it's got to picked up or you will set it in the garage. I have found that they make excuses about coming to get the "stuff" that they've left behind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ok Ok I hear you guys loud and clear. Job - as always, thank you for your bluntness. I tend to get taken advantage of, It's time.
How does this sound:
Hi there. I know its hard to read the vibe on text messages, but I am talking friend to friend. Lets set a date to get whatever else you think you want/need from the house and get it over to your place in one shot. I think it is fair that whatever was brought in the house, for the house, stays with the house for now. Let me know a day that works for you. Thanks.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi, just popping in, and haven't read through everything but thought I would offer my two cents. I have dealt with the exact thing! It gets to be painful after a while when the ex just slowly picks away and grabs items from the house as they need them. I certainly feel that you are within your rights to explain to him exactly what you wrote, that you would like him to pick a date, come by and grab all of his items. It is not rude, your house is not a yard sale.
I said the exact thing to my ex as well when he was doing the same thing. We set a date, and he came by for what I called a "Final Walkthough" That should get the point across. Just tell him you would like to set a date for him to come by and do a final walkthrough of the house. Believe me, there is MUCH relief after that final walkthrough is over, as you can re-claim the house, and feel a sense of relief. Just as a funny sidenote, the things that my ex grabbed on the walkthrough were hilarious!! (apple corer, 3 of our 6 wine glasses, thai noodles... ) And also, if it helps you any, perhaps you could have a friend there while he does the walkthrough, if it helps you feel more at ease.
Suggest that he make an itemized list of what he wants so that he doesn't forget anything when this "move" takes place.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I never heard any response from H. Well, I suppose that I got my point across, my home is not Wal-Mart. If he doesn't bring it up and it stops, great. If he starts "shopping" the next time he is here, I will remind him of where I am at with that. I really hate that it had to come to that, I was hoping it wouldn't.
I got my Sun decoration today and ran right out and hung it on the front of the house. It looks great! I just love it!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
That should get the point across. Just tell him you would like to set a date for him to come by and do a final walkthrough of the house. Believe me, there is MUCH relief after that final walkthrough is over, as you can re-claim the house, and feel a sense of relief.