I am a huge reggae fan, or is it called ska? I love the song Coming Home by Stick Figure. Every time I hear it, I think of H and I. I got lost myself, I know the feeling, but I made my way back. Whether H does or not remains to be seen....
Not a whole lot has happened, which is a good thing I figure! Work has been super busy, which I thrive on.
H had S on Monday night. I did some clothes shopping for myself. I also picked up some pants, underwear and socks for S to keep at H's place. H had mentioned he needed it. I did not do that for H, did it for S. A friend also came by to pick up an outside heat lamp that is being borrowed by my girlfriend this weekend for her birthday party. He is an old friend, with Romantic history, we have known each other for over 25 years. He has hinted at the friends with benefits thing, but no, not going there. Keeping my side of the street clean! Anyway, he asked about H and I, and I told him that I am doing good and he cut me off and said, why don't you guys just admit that it's over and move on? I asked, have you talked to H? He said no. I said, and I haven't talked to you in a while, so you don't know what our day to day interactions are, so making a statement like that is pretty out of line. He assured me he is just worried about me, so I assured him that I am doing really well. I told him I keep busy, I am in my home, I am happy! I said I am just living life and live each day doing what feels right to me. He seemed to get it, but I was surprised how defensive I got, but proud of how I handled it, with no bad words about H. And every word that came out of my mouth was true, I really am feeling good.
Had a little confusion with H about whether he was taking S last night or tonight. We had never resolved that, and he got a little snippy with me via text last night. But I was able to shake it off pretty quickly.
H has S and dog tonight. He was stuck in traffic, so I offered to pick up S from school and take him to his place. H was grateful. Again, not for H, for S. He is used to being picked up by 5:15. H wasn't going to be there until about 5:45. It gave me a chance to spend some time with S before being gone overnight. Ya, I am really hooked on my kid, I feel like a limb is missing when he is not with me. I am working on that, I don't want that to keep me from GAL.
So I am just hanging out with the quiet, watching TV. H called, to help me fix the thermostat over the phone, it was saying it was on a different day of the week, which was messing up the morning heater schedule. I am mind reading, but he could have done that the next time he was here....checking to see if I was home on my free night? Hmmmm, Who knows.
So I have been doing a lot of reflecting this last week. I am watching myself, for more things to work on. I continue to practice my compassion and patience, my kindness, with friends and strangers, and it pays back tenfold with good vibes and feelings. I smile every day when I come home. Home is more special to me than ever before. I cherish my time with S, enjoy every moment and make sure he knows how much he is loved.
And H? I accept, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. To clarify, I hate overall that this is happening to our family. But I feel based on what H is going through, we are doing what we should be doing. It feels right and fills me with a sense of peace and acceptance, for what it is.
Every morning, and I mean every single morning for 18 months, when I wake up, I struggle to clear my mind and remember what is going on in my life. Every morning, I get that stab of reality and dread followed by either a happy surge if we are getting along, or a sad surge if not. I wonder how long that will last?
Spring break is coming up in 2 weeks. I took the time off to be with S. We decided not to go away anywhere since we missed our fur babies so much last time. But we have some day trips planned. I also have some home projects on my mind, looking forward to the time off.
So I keep on, keepin' on.....
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
You sound great. I'm glad you are going to spend some time w/your son during spring break. Both of you will enjoy those outings.
As for your h, I'm glad to see that things are working out okay thus far. Hopefully everything will remain calm and your h can finally find himself, face his issues and come home.
Today is the first day of spring...a new beginning in the world of Mother Nature. Make it a new beginning for you and your son today.
Happy Spring!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It great to be in a good place right now. And we both know we are still on the emotional roller coaster, so expect good and bad days. It's how we process the "bad" days that indicate how we are progressing as LBS's.
Hopefully giving your H all the space he needs will allow him to move thru his phases and come out GOOD at the end.
Have a GREAT weekend, Plan A GAL.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
You sound like you have been able to settle inside the eye of the hurricane so to speak. Its a nice feeling no?
As far as your dude friend ... sounds like he was just temp checking a bit .. seeing if there was an outside shot at some ... good for you standing up and staying the course, would only complicate things anyways. That sentence about being without S ... I totally relate to that, sadly my S does too, he is starting to voice his frustration more and more about he and I being apart, just the little things like how I wake him up and the kind of time we do spend together he enjoys so much. I do feel blessed to have the R with him that I do, but time off is nice just ot be able to GAL and get things done.
It has been a week since I have posted and all is calm on the home front.
Last weekend was busy for me. On Saturday I had a funeral for a friend's father. The services were really nice, more of a celebration and reflection on his life. Their house was the hang out house and they had 4 kids, so the place was packed with mainly the children's friends! There was a lot of story telling and laughing.
Then I was off to my good friends 50th bday party. This was the one H had said he might go to, but he actually decided to spend the time having S over instead. I was relieved, I wanted to just go to the party and enjoy myself, and not be distracted by him being there. And enjoy myself I did! Had a great time. I was prepared for questions about H and I. I decided I would just reply, it's complicated but I am doing great. But you know what? No one asked about H. Everyone asked how I was doing, I would say great, and every single person answered back that I looked really good. One good and old friend of mine pulled me aside at one point. He wanted to tell me that he had noticed that I looked really happy, and that it made him really happy to see that I was doing so well. It made my night. These are old and dear friends that I have known for 25 years. We have seen each other through good and bad times, and they saw me at my lowest last year.
Good old Jose was also at the party. He is also a very old friend, but now hangs out with H a lot. I could see he was watching me a bit and I was just having fun and being me. At the end of the night, we were sitting together and talking. He told me, boy, you are livin large! Not really sure what he meant but I just answered I am living life and having fun, with a big smile
Sunday morning I woke up having withdrawals from S, so I got up and kept busy with grocery shopping and cleaning. Picked up S from H about 11 and had a relaxing Sunday.
The work week has been good. There was a little more confusion about the schedule for S, but H and I handled it without any big blow ups. I notice we both assume the other knows what we mean, but we don't. We have such a huge lack of communication. But we went over the schedule and seem to be on the same page now! We will see how this week goes.
On my S free nights I keep myself busy doing errands. I went to the nursery and got some beautiful flower baskets along with flowers and veggies to plant. I have been waiting all week to get my hands on them and getting ready to do the planting now! I have been scheduling landscapers to come out and give me quotes on my rock garden. S and I have plans to visit a local amusement park and see a movie this weekend. Busy but all fun stuff planned.
As far as where I am at, I have realized my focus has really turned to being about me and my own journey. I am no longer consumed about where H is at on his. I mean, I think about it, but I guess I am more concerned about where I am at. After last weekend, I again realized what a good place I am in. I have worked so dang hard to get here and still have a ways to go. If H approached me today and said he wants to come home, my first thought is no, not yet, I am too happy right now. Let's wait a while longer. Then I think, what the heck does that mean? I suppose it's not so much about H, but about me. I have been given this space and time, whether I wanted it or not, and will use it to find myself again. I got so lost in being a mom and wife, I lost me. I feel myself coming back, a new me mixed with the old, a wiser and more loving me, but still need time. So I am seeing how the DB process works, how this becomes about our own journey, not all about theirs. I still hope H and I can find our way back to each other, but not yet. I am enjoying this time right now.
I also have to say that I feel lucky and grateful that even though H left, he is putting money into our account on his own, I have not had to remind him once. I am grateful that S and I have our home, that is huge to us and we couldn't do it without H's help. I see the horror stories on here and know he could be making it tough for us.
So all good here, PMA remains high. I have my ups and downs still, I miss my old H. I plugged in a digital frame that has been stashed away for a few years and the pictures are of our marriage, honeymoon and S just being born. Wow. Brought back a lot of memories. And ya. We were happy, no matter what H says now. Those were good times he can never take away from me. He can rewrite history all he wants. I know we had something special, and hopefully, still do.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I'm glad to read that things are moving along nicely for you and your son. People are seeing that you are really happy and that tells me that you've been under a lot of stress in the past year or so. You are healing and w/healing comes life, smiles and new adventures.
Your flowers and activities that you have planned for your garden/yard sound great and the fruits of your labor will bring forth many happy and beautiful flowers very soon. I'm glad you've got a lot of fun things to do as well as some "must do" items. Balancing your time and activities helps and yes, you are going to have ups and downs for a while.
I'm happy to see that w/him out of the house, you aren't focusing as much on him. This helps you stay focused on you, your life and your son's life.
Spring means new beginnings and I think you are well on your way. Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi there. Another week has passed. I can't believe how fast time goes, and how busy I am staying.
Last Saturday, S and I had decided to go see Home that night. H had texted asking our plans. I let him know and also said he was welcome, he wanted to come with. Since he was running late, as always, we met at the movies. It was such a cute movie! But there were a few parts where I cringed a little. The whole movie is based on family and home and the girl fighting to get it back. At one point, she yelled at the alien, you dont just LEAVE your family! Ouch, I just told H those words a couple of weeks ago. But during the movie, H and S were snuggled up together, it was nice. After, H said he wanted to stop by to visit and give us some brownies he made. He didn't stay long, but asked before leaving if S and I wanted to go have dinner the next night. We said sure.
Sunday, H made us reservations for "our" place, our favorite steak place. The service started out slow, so our server treated us with a free appetizer and free dessert. We had a good time. I found it I interesting that H wanted to spend so much time with us.
The schedule with S went very smooth this week, no mix ups! I continue to keep myself busy when S is gone and am doing better with it. I actually look forward to the time to get errands done or work on whatever project I have going.
My SIL checked in to see how I was doing. I told her great, keeping busy and living life. She apologized for her family being plagued with divorce and voiced her frustration with her brother. Just the D word alone makes my stomach turn, and I just didn't want to go there with her. But I told her, pretty short and sweet, that divorce hasn't come up in a while, that H needs this time and space to figure things out, that I am ok with it, and that I too am finding this time and space helpful to work on my own issues. She replied that I sound like I am in a very happy and healthy place and was happy to hear it.
After this conversation, I felt a little......emotionally drained. I am finding that I really don't think about H or our situation much, and when I have to, I don't really want to. The thing I notice the most is that people see it all so black and white. SIL saw that H moved out, so must mean divorce. As we all know, this is all far from black and white. So I have to put my perspective back into focus after these discussions, and it's draining!
Last night I went to grab a vase. I didn't know it was broken, the top half was just sitting on the bottom half, slid off, and put a nice cut on my face. Not sure how vase got like that.......really hoping H didn't just leave it that way? Trying not to think that way. I don't think I need stitches. So H was with FIL at a Sharks game and TM me about Easter. Him and his dad want to get together here for dinner. I let him know what happened and he actually seemed concerned. He offered to leave and come stay with S so I could go to doctor, but I told him I was fine.
He texted this morning asking how the cut was, another first in a long time. So we decided to add every other Saturday to our schedule for S. He said he thought we had already talked about that. I didn't go there, just said it's fine. Between us, no, we never decided that. Not sure who he is having these conversations with but it's not me.
Anyway, I am surprised about the Easter thing because it is also H and FIL birthday. They have the same birthday, cute huh? Surprised H wants to spend it family style, may just be because it's Easter. But we normally don't do anything special on that day. Anyway, Sounds fun, I love cooking for people!
S brought home his Easter project from school. 2 Bunnies, one for my place, one for daddy's. I told S that was really sweet of him. I asked, was that your idea or teacher? He said teacher. Told me she has all the kids with divorced parents make 2 projects. I told him, we are not divorced sweetie. He said he knows, but we are not together. I told him, yes, that's right, and just dropped it. He is doing so well with all of this, why confuse anything anymore, right? But I am not sure if I like what the teacher is doing? Doesnt that kind of single kids out? And I HATE that my kid is part of that. IDK, still sinking in, but not sitting well with me....
As far as H bday. I don't have it in me to get any kind of gift. I wasn't even planning on acknowledging it, to be honest, but kind of have to now? I figure I will just say S and I can take him to dinner sometime if he wants and leave it at that.
What do you guys think? How do you handle your spouses Bdays?
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I'm so sorry to hear about your face. I don't think your son broke the vase because I truly believe he would have told you. So, either your h or someone else who was in your home w/him may have done it. This is so like a kid who doesn't want mom to know that he/she has broken a vase or anything else. I do hope the cut won't leave a scar. You are so lucky you weren't hurt more seriously.
The "HOME" movie is very cute. The girl is right...you don't leave just leave your family. The movies and the nursery rhymes have wise words that pop up from time to time.
As for the Easter dinner...well...bring it on! Enjoy the day and it's okay to tell your h that you and your son will take him out to dinner one day very soon if he would like to do so.
Happy Easter!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As always, thank you Job. I know my S didn't break the vase, I was wondering if H or yes, a friend, did. But that is paranoid thinking and does no good, right? It is what it is.
I just finished up touch up painting around the house. H and his buddy left some good marks on the walls when moving his stuff.....all gone!! Heading into garage to paint countertops. I got this!! I grew up in apartments and have no experience with this stuff. I am having a blast!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
You've got it covered! Even though you grew up in apartments, it won't take you long to figure out how to do things around your home. If you don't know how to do something, do a search on the net. There are all types of DIY self help videos and step-by-step directions on just about everything that you would ever want to do. Heck, I even found out how to tie hooks and sinkers on a fishing line several summers ago because I hadn't been fishing in 20+ years and my nephew had expressed an interest in learning how to fish.
Allow your imagination be your guide when it comes to doing things around your home. Trust me, there's all types of info out there and if you don't feel comfortable searching the net, go to your nearest hardware store and ask questions.
As for the vase...did you toss it or can you glue it back together? It's a shame you had to discover it the way you did. I'm just glad your son didn't attempt to pick it up and get hurt.
Happy Easter!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
One good and old friend of mine pulled me aside at one point. He wanted to tell me that he had noticed that I looked really happy, and that it made him really happy to see that I was doing so well. It made my night. These are old and dear friends that I have known for 25 years. We have seen each other through good and bad times, and they saw me at my lowest last year.