Please, don't beat yourself over your feelings. It's amazing how well you deal with all this stress. You have been doing great and is the inspiration for us all. So, like our friend Mozza says, it's OK to feel down on yourself, to cry and feel sad once in a while.
You are not made of steel, and you are such kind person, gentle and sensitive, it's natural you feel the pain on your sitch.
You love this man and would like that the nightmare would just stop and that you two could talk and at least give a chance.
Unfortunately, it really feels like your H is pretty much into a deep fog, and that's why he can't answer. His fears are prompting him to stay away and in silence.
He is not ready to recommit to the M, he is fearful, indecisive about what kind of R would it be. In the same time he probably don't want to say he is done, because deep inside he is also afraid he will be trowing away something valuable and he will regret later.
To tell the truth you are probably in a better place then he is now. He made a mess of his life, he got himself in some roller coaster without a end line. He is unhappy, insecure, feeling like crap.
In my opinion, if you let go and feel the pain, empty the tear jar... then, it goes away, you feel better and is willing to laugh, dance, feel good. It's amazing what it does to us, when we don't rule our feeling as much, we get free of all the chains of right or wrong.
Let it be, and then let it be happy. You know my story, I have been making mistake after mistake, but I also learned one or two things. And I learned from Mozza that it is OK to cry.
I hope that your H gets to his senses and give you guys a chance to try. It's said that many R gets better and even stronger after a break up.
You are a strong woman, you know that it will be done only when you want it to be done, until then there is a lot of rocks to turn. Pick yourself up after the whole moping, don't feel guilty for being a person that feels love, because even in pain it's a better feeling then hate.
I love you a lot, I am praying for all your dreams to come true and that tomorrow will always be a better day.
If I can do it, you can probably start a college class and be the professor.
Toots, I've been too self absorbed with my own sitch to post here. Sorry you're struggling a bit at the moment. I get it! V and Pink have offered wise words that I can't better in my current state of mind. I wish you peace and strength to deal with what ever does or does not come.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Hi Toots I can't say more than the ladies and gents above. You are so kind and caring to everyone on this site. It's easy to see you are a great person and if your H doesn't make his mind up he will be the loser in the kong run. Thanks for being Toots. You have helped me more than you know. Take care. Rd xxx
Thanks so much for the vote of confidence my lovely DB friends. You are very kind, and I do appreciate it...
Well, it's Saturday morning here, and Mum comes home from respite today. I'll go with Dad this morning and pick her up. It's always nice to see her back at home again. This afternoon, I'm GALing at the bookstore, which I always enjoy.
I'm kicking myself a little this weekend. Generally, I'm pretty busy with work, GAL, social things, but I didn't really plan ahead too well for the long weekend and it's a quietish one for me. A couple of my usual things not going ahead and friends are away etc.
And of course this has coincided with no response from H, which is unfortunate. None of this is desperately awful, but it has impacted on my PMA to an extent. Tomorrow, I'm going to cook Easter lunch for the parents, and I'm looking for a good activity on the Monday. I may see if there are any more Ceroc things going on....
As for H, well he and SS may well have gone for a transatlantic family visit now and I don't expect I'll hear from him for a little while. As I posted on Gan's thread, I do feel some of my love and respect draining away. And recent events just add to that. Will I get to the point that I really don't want to reconcile and then become extremely attractive as Starsky suggests?
Next week should be interesting. I have a meeting with two people from Relate about setting up this possible infidelity support group....I'll keep you posted.
Just realise I need to dash...being picked up in an hour...have a good day all x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Toots! I am finally getting around to checking in on everyone and I just wanted to reiterate what everyone above has said. You seem like such an open, caring, giving person and your H is the loser if he doesn't see that. I think, from what I gather between your posts and your comments on mine, that our sitches are very similar in some ways.
You amaze and inspire me every time I read your posts and your comments and I thank you for being part of my DB family that is helping me find my way again.
Keep on keeping on, sister! You are amazing! Oh and thanks for your wonderful comments on my recent post. I appreciate your input and your compliments. It is all you fine DB folks who have helped me to find my way back to the person I am rediscovering.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks for posting guys. I did have a nice weekend actually. Ended up being pretty busy with a combination of spending some QT with Mum & Dad, and volunteering at the book store. Having some lovely weather today helps too.
I had a couple of moments of feeling a bit wistful, but made myself get up and go off for a walk - and the moment passed. I'm pretty sure H & SS will be away visiting family now, so doubt I'll hear anything for a week or so. But I suspect when he's back, he'll want us to get the house on the market, so we'll have to agree what we're doing.
I'm off to see my sister for lunch tomorrow and then work and hopefully Ceroc GAL Wednesday.....T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Oh and thanks for your wonderful comments on my recent post. I appreciate your input and your compliments. It is all you fine DB folks who have helped me to find my way back to the person I am rediscovering.