Old Dog seeks new trick 11

[Old Dog]

Thanks Toots. I've got a free half hour booked on Monday 30th now.

I don't feel collaborative right now, I feel like running away to an idyllic south sea island ... dragging all my baggage with me ... but who knows.

I'm also feeling rather self concious about announcing the waterworks again. I know you have to recognise and experience your feelings but I don't know why I posted it on here. Looking for something perhaps.

[Vanilla]

My goodness waterworks are part of emptying the pot of pain. Every tear is clearing the past hurt and difficulty.

Only the strong cry OD, only those with a heart, only those who have known love, and of course the joy of love.

Crying is good, keep it coming.

Tears have bitter lacrimal fluid in it, the stronger the lacrimal the more the poison released, the breakdown products leaving the body.

Tears make the eyes shine, tears open up the ducts, tears clear the eye bags, tears make us young and tender, tears make us childlike, tears make us human, tears make us connect.

Bring it on.

If you go to that south sea island then leave with empty bags.

V

[Old Dog]

Yes, crying is part of it but I don't really need to report it do I? I think it's attention seeking. Look at me, I'm suffering and here's the proof. It's fine for a while but to document grieving but to be still saying so nine months later? Maybe that's slipping into passive aggressive behaviour. Make sure everyone knows how I'm hurting to elicit more sympathy. It's what I did the last time and is something WW accused me of doing again.

Does that sound like I'm being too harsh on myself? I'm not sure but what I do know us that I want to stop being passive aggressive and fearful.

I also wish I didn't wake up in the middle of the night running.over everything that has happened over and over again. Gah! That certainly isn't conducive to a PMA.

On a more positive note, S15 is doing well. His pain seems to be more manageable but he's not eating, which is a concern. He's also quite a bit taller and has shot past WW and is approaching my height. I wasn't there when he stood up yesterday as I had to go home for S12, but I should be there tomorrow (later today) when the physio comes round again.

[Vanilla]

OD

You report if you want to. So you are unhappy and perhaps it is attention seeking, perhaps not, what do you want it to be?

It is a release phase, possibly a little bit of relief that S op went well. Personally if it expresses where you are I can not see it as passive aggressive in any way as long as it is genuine tears which they are.

So you want sympathy and empathy, well OD that is something most of us want.

V will offer you all of the sympathy you would want, why should we be denied that? A little 2x4 occasionally to even things up.

So in which ways are you passive aggressive?

V

[Old Dog]

What are you doing awake at this time V?

I'm going to try and get some more sleep now so I'll answer your question a little later.

[Vanilla]

OD

I am awake because I have things on my mind.

I am thinking. I am designing a plan for business after spending the evening with a very inspirational nearly 90 year old who wants to go dancing with her 10 year younger boyfriend.

Who came into my room and told me that last time she saw me I told her " you might only have another 15 years left, go live it" and then she said "T, her new bf wants her to go on a cruise and she can decide where, and she wants to go the fjords in Sweden as it appeals to her". Well I have only 45 years left and they must not be wasted, I have fjords to visit too.

You go gf, why am I sitting moping a little, when this precious woman with osteo wants to go dancing amoung icebergs, share a cuddle in bed with her fella? I need a plan, so I am putting together a plan and I can not wait to get started.

V

[rd500]

Vanillia. You sound strong and determined. Not a Vanillia that will take any rubbish from anyone, especially H. Inspirational as always


Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Hi OD, just checking in to see how you're doing my friend. I hope S is continuing to improve, and you are all coping well. Do you know when he's likely to be able to come home?

How have things been going in terms of interactions with your W? Was anything further mentioned on the boundaries front, or has your W respected those?

Anyways, look forward to hearing how you're getting along! ((OD))

[Vanilla]

I think OD is out dancing tonight!

V

[Old Dog]

Hey Toots. Thanks for checking up on me.

S15 has been discharged and we just arrived back home not too long ago. We started the journey off silently but then I put some music from my iPhone. I sang along to some of it and some other songs I'm sure they would have deemed weird. Swiss girl punk group from the late 80s Kleenex came on. Yes it's dated, but I liked it at the time.

On the interactions front, it's all been cordial, businesslike and child focused. I just refused her offer of a cup of tea and made my own coffee instead. Is this petty?Nothing further has been mentioned yet but there may be opportunity for her tomorrow morning. As far as I know there's nothing else in the house relating to her affair - she removed the cards last week.

She's just this minute come in and said she going to sleep in S15's room in case he needs anything. Well that suits me. I just said OK.

I'll need to catch up on other peoples threads now I suppose, but first I've got three rugby matches to watch on iPlayer. Don't tell me the scores or it'll ruin it.