My WW and I have our first divorce mediation tomorrow night. We interviewed 3 different mediators and settled on this certain guy. He was warm, personable and very caring. One thing that he said that stuck out to me is that 30% of the people who go see him, end up calling the divorce off. Anyone have any experience with this? He also told us that he usually charged around 3K up front from point A to point B, but with us he will only charge us his normal hourly rate plus fee's(which will be equal to 3K), to be paid at each session, because he does not believe we will go through with it and doesn't want us to shell out 3K when there is a chance for reconciliation.
Does anyone know of anyone who reconciled through mediation? What should I really expect to happen there? We are currently separated and she is dating other people. But we see one another almost daily (due to kids schedule).
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
I've heard of that happening, but I wouldn't count on it. If she is dating other people, how does he think she will want to reconcile? I'm no expert, but if she is already playing the field I'm not sure your chances are that great. Women don't generally date unless they've given up and moved on, and by that time it's a complete up hill battle.
Reconciliation during mediation happened more often when therapist were doing mediation. Now it's mostly lawyers and social workers who don't really care about your marriage. This guy may be a therapist, you should probably check out his pedigree.
I can tell you from my experience in mediation, that the mediator didn't want to talk about the relationship. It was strictly about the visitation schedule and the 'best interest of the children.'
I expect this depends a lot on what your issues are.
I'm involved in a collaborative settlement process which is a "legal" process. I didn't feel like my W understood enough about the issues we were facing for a mediator to work. I am hopeful that once we work out our agreement, and she sees just how much of a financial impact this will have on her (and our daughter) that she may be willing to give our relationship one more chance. Since she won't really give me a straight story on how she decided she wanted a divorce I believe that there may be a chance that she will rethink thinks once the reality of the situation is right there in front of her.
If you are going to reconcile it has to come from the two of you, not the mediator, IMO.
Good luck, I hope the result is one that serves your best interest.
