What if she's on a dating site to see if you are? If OM is? As a joke? What if PF created the account for her some time ago? Just a few ideas to remind you not to read too much into it. There are many scenarios and the real one might be very different from what you considered so far.
What interests me more is that you are on a dating site. As you know, I'm ready to flirt and date, yet I can't get myself registered on any of this. The official reason is that I don't feel ready to present myself as "available" because my WW could rock my boat with a bat of an eyelash. Hence, I leave encounters to chance and manage expectations. Another reason is that I don't want WW to see that I've a profile there. I can't say exactly why, but it's probably a mix of not really wanting to suggest that I moved on, not giving her ground for early D based on cheating (in my jurisdiction), not letting her know that I'm still single. My father and my IC might add that I'm actually afraid to really meet anyone.But it seems like you have none of these qualms. Or do you? Did you have any resistance to creating your profile? Do you present yourself as single and looking for a serious R? I'm curious to know more.
By the way, since you say you're also clueless about dating, let me recommend you, as I've done for others here, to read Models by Mark Manson. In short, it's the dating version of NMMNG. It's in line with everything I read and even what I hear from my IC.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
yes i know not to read anything into it and whilst its made me think im not going to change what I'm doing.
I'm going to attempt to answer some of your questions but cant gurantee i'll be able to explain myself very well.
So I have all of the same qualms, including ones about what will my wife think.
I would say and i've spent a while trying to figure out how much is about fear of rejection. The biggest resistance i had in creating a profile was thinking about what i could say that wouldnt make me seem weird or creepy or arrogant or anything else. My base assumption has always been about not feeling good enough but at the same time I realise the only way to overcome that fear is to take on that fear.
Avoiding things because I was afraid of rejection (and at its core feel shame about who i am) is part of what got me into this mess in the first place so I didnt want to perpetuate the cycle.
As a sidebar i had an unprompted 20 minute lecture from my Dad about how im not good enough as a parent last week - he's been great through my situation but to me theres no doubt where my sense of inadequacy originates.
So back on your questions.
One factor is that I know that my life at the moment isnt likely to lead to many chance encounters and certainly not ones where i would feel confident enough to approach (I applaud your efforts in this area) i also do want my social efforts to be clouded in that way, so online seemed sensible.
In terms of my profile, I've said i'm seperated and that i have kids so im not hiding anything in that sense.In terms of what i'm looking for I've not said too much but yes I've said i want a relationship because ultimately I do.
I now realise that its more about the life i want, the kind of relationship i want and the kind of person i want to be with. If that relationship is with my XW then great if not, then also great.
Amongst my biggest hesitations have been about whether i'm still just reacting with jealous or some dependency but i dont think i am and wouldnt know truly how i would know that for certain. Having registered i definitely dont think its the jealousy.
Anyway i hope that sort of answers
By the way i've ordered that book.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
That's really something to find WW on a dating site. Did you find out how long time is she part of this site?
I was doing some digging in my H's OW and I found she is a dating site in France. I did not say anything to my H, maybe he knows about it. But it is interesting that she keeps the profile there, maybe laziness, who knows. She is a married woman, has a R with my H and has a profile on a dating site. Crazy ah!
Like Toots said, it's a bit early on your sitch. But again, you know about your WW a little more then we do.
I am happy you are trying some other things, other ways to keep your life interesting. Hope you are ready for whatever comes your way. If not, I guess you will find out.
Regarding your Dad... I would say, take under consideration that life was probably different for him. His values are not the same as yours. The world he did grow up was a different one then yours. His life was built on what was given to him by others and he became the man he is, and so he did with you.
Take what is best from whatever he says to you. Sometimes the ones that love us the most are also the ones that hurt us the most. In his way of caring for you, giving you advice of how not to feel like a failure as a father (like the way he may feel), he goes a little too far with his words.
Some man grow up to be tough, but then they lack to be sensitive. Maybe you can look at him and take what is best of all he is trying to say. Remember he is just a human being, not right, not wrong... just like you, saying his convictions from what life has been teaching him. Make it simple, then you won't get hurt.
Hope you have good luck with the dating adventure. It's nice to see that you know what you want from a new R, a new person. I have no clue of what I want.
Hi, Jim. Sounds like the interactions have been more than what you have gotten in the past. That could be a good thing. Weird you found her on a dating site you were on. That would be unsettling for me, but you seem to have handled it well.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers from way over here.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
JIm, just checking in after a bit of a break. Wow - some...movement...for you. Good for you for registering on the dating site and how interesting to discover WW there! I've often wondered if I would encounter my H on a site if I did the same. You seem to be taking it in your stride, which is excellent.
Much as I want to feel love and connection with a man again, I don't think I'm in any place to register on a dating site yet. Let us know how you get on!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
