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jim0987 Offline OP
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Here is a link to the previous thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2543501&page=1

So Thread number 13.

For those that dont know my story the start of the previous thread has a pretty good summary and much as though id like to claim my situation is unique - it really isnt except that it uniquely affects me.

So BD was a little over 6 months ago and my wife moved out into her new house a little under 2 months ago. Financials are all sorted with a written, signed but not legally binding agreement and the childcare arrangements have a similar agreement. Nothing on divorce papers yet but i have a solicitor retained.

In terms of communication then its pretty limited. There is pretty much no contact outside of the child handovers and they for the most part have very little communication.

2 sundays I ago I cracked (and i know why) and asked wife to tell me before she introduces OM1 (I used his name) to the kids. She said that they had only had a few dates since she moved out and so shes not looking to introduce him yet. we had a bit of an unconstructive to and fro in which i said she left me for him and that its still an affair whatever she claims. She said she left me because she was miserable and she was miserable because i was so awful to live with and be around. She finished by accusing me of hacking her phone and facebook account (I'm not/haven't)

Anyway it was confirmation that she and OM1 are now seeing each other in a much more established way and given the circumstances I seriously doubt its going to be a flash in pan relationship. Even if it was my wife still clearly belives everything negative about me.

I was upset for a couple of hours but then had a moment of more acceptence in that she has gone, she isnt my wife, she is someones elses girlfriend and we cant even have a conversation let alone a relationship. The certainty helps as I know its time to move on with my life. I still miss her and at some level will always love her but I also know i'm tired of her affecting my emotions and being so prominant in my thoughts.

I have wondered if she ever thinks about me and if so what but theres no way to know and it wouldnt help anyway

So i'm now trying to shift my focus to moving on with my life and giving it all less thought (hence the reduced posting). Just need to work out what my new single life looks like and how i find meaning and purpose outside of my work and my kids.

As always I hope you are all well and thankyou for reading


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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jim0987 Offline OP
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So I figure I better give a GAL update. I think its been pretty good but I doubt my score would get near Vanilla's

So Italy was really good, I was in a beautiful little castle town and it was warm and sunny. I had lunch one afternoon sat in the sun by the banks if the Tiber. It was fairly long couple of days and it was work but it was still good and I made a point of being sociable with the others who I'd never met before and were from all over Europe (I'm normally pretty reserved).

I will say the food here is better and as my European colleagues decided to make fun of British cooking, I think they'll be in for a pleasant surprise when they come.

Got back and straight into some massive work stuff but that was good fun. Then had the kids for 4 nights and 4 days.

Took them to the zoo and the park (fed the ducks) and generally had some really good family time with them. I notice my WS absence more at these times.

After then over the next week when I didn't have the kids, I visited a mate and went to the pub quiz, went to my ceroc class (im pretty good for a newbie), visited a different mate, played games on line with my brother, went to the pub with a new (for me) meetup group and met a friend for coffee.

Work is also going really well at the moment and I've managed to get out for a couple of 5k runs, though my yoga has dropped off a little.

This week is a little less busy so I need to explore some options a bit more though I have the kids for a large part of it which is always good (if tiring)


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Sounds like you are working on GAL. Good for you! Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you all the best. smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Jim

This is GAL!

I am so very pleased, especially about the Ceroc bit, I would have the whole board dancing if I could.

Went to Camber and had a brilliant weekend dancing the nights away. I really do think dancing, music, film and exercise help with mood. Should be on prescription.

Did you try Italian wine at all, (I know not your thing necessarily but you tried a little in Paris France). Goes great with cheeeeese you know! I love that part of Italy, even if it was a work event still better weather than here in the UK.

I am so glad it was enjoyable and so thrilled you mixed, despite your reserve.

I guess reserve comes with the English humour. I will say it again Moooose

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 03/17/15 06:29 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I too am impressed with your GAL Jim! Good for you with the Ceroc and the socialising with work mates.

I also think you have a good perspective in terms of your W. As you say, right now she is gone. But, as for any of us - who knows in the longer term. But I think moving forward with our own lives is the right thing to do.

I love feeding the ducks! My flat overlooks an ancient pool that has ducks and geese on. Some days I go down and visit them. I've found out that bread isn't great for them, so my ducks get halved grapes and peas too. I want to get some special duck food for them. Of course when I go, it's normally me and a couple of three year olds feeding them!

Glad to hear you sounding so good Jim. I always appreciate your wise words on the forum.....((Jim))


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi Jim,

I was just reading TO today and how she is trying to make her M work, now that her and H are back together.

She went through hell, he told her many times that the M was over, that he was over.

Along the way she tough that it was all over and that she would never rescue her M. They even started the D papers.

So Jim, you never know. The truth, and this bothers me too, is that you need to move forward and let the time heal all the wounds you and your partner have. And maybe, just maybe things can change and there is some chance.

You sound sad, but has a head over your shoulders. You know it's hard and difficult all what you going through, but you are also trying to improve and move towards a better place in your life.

It may not feel good, but will make you stronger, a better person and may be the exactly thing that will call her attention back to you.

Keep strong my friend, it's one day at a time. There is always hope if you want to do the hard work.

XOXO
Pink


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D:8/5/2015



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Hi Jim

Hope things are going well for you at the moment? I've read some of your posts to others this week - found them very useful.

I forgot to ask you. What did you decide to do in respect of your W, the kids and Mothers Day last weekend? And how was that received? Are you noticing any changes in your interactions at all?

Anyway - do let us know how you're getting along. Are the little ones with you this weekend?

T x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Jim

Just checking in to see how you are and to make sure you are eating your carrots and greens.

Did you go dancing?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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jim0987 Offline OP
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Hi All

just updating because...... well i dont know really theres nothing really to say.

Interaction wise we are at pretty much no contact. even at the handovers of the kids (4 at this weekend just gone) we simply dont speak to each other. We both talk to the kids and we both put our focus on them but theres virtually no interaction between W and I.

I guess i just cant be bothered to pretend to be nice. for weeks i said hello/goodbye that sort of thing and she had said nothing back so i'm just taking her lead i guess.

we had a very brief text exchange (maybe 5 texts total and i'd guess less than 100 words in total) to make all the arrangements for D3s birthday party - In truth wife presented a fait accompli and i said ok with a couple of small questions (like her budgeting being way off)

So thats it really.

As for me, well i've had the kids for a lot of the last week which has been great. nothing spectacular but its been sunny and fun. On saturday D3 stayed up late and curled up on the sofa with me and a bowl of popcorn to watch a film. On Sunday we went for lunch with my old neighbours and their kids and then went to the park. All good.

Outside of the time with kids, well Thursday i went to Ceroc again. Friday a mate came over and we just chatted (his wife is expecting a baby now). when i could, I caught up on the most ridiculous day of rugby (to my american friends - you really need to get some proper sports wink ) Sunday I went for 5k run and felt pretty good. Last night i went to the pub with a friend from work and all through i've got back on my yoga wagon again.

So all pretty good really.

I will say that in the last couple of weeks my work head is really starting to kick back in - when this happens i start getting lots of ideas about how to put the world to rights. Most are rubbish but a few shake out into exciting projects for me.

So all in all just trying to get back to being me and trying (with limited success) not to give my wife any more thought than i have to.

Have a good day all, and for my UK DB friends - enjoy the sunshine


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Sounds like progress.

In a good way jim.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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