Your lawyer can give you a good idea about what the "standard" child custody arrangement is in your state. You will want to give some thought as to presenting your proposal from the standpoint of what is best for the kids.
Speaking with your lawyer will most likely help you with the fear and uncertainty, and if they give you tasks to do, do not procrastinate. You'll definitely want to get a better handle on your finances before you head into mediation. It will be a much more effective discussion on your side if you go in to it educated and confident about these matters.
Originally Posted By: rppfl
RAI, I agree with Raliced that your L can be helpful in explaining common child sharing arrangements. There are many variations. Just be sure you ask for what you really want up front, it might be hard to increase time later.
Thanks RPP and raliced. I have made an appt to meet with L tomorrow morning. I was under the false assumption - this is all new to me, after all - that if I was going to go through mediation that the L's involvement would only come at the end of the process. I see now that it is important to have someone in one's own corner to continue to provide counsel. I am certain that my W is receiving this advice. Her brother is a shrewd and shifty L.
raliced, I get your point about doing what is best for the kids. In a recent podcast given by a child psychologist I heard that, in general, the thing spouses most vociferously argue about - living arrangements - has the least impact on the children's emotional health long term - as long as the child has meaningful contact with both parents. It seems like a civil relationship between the parents is much more conducive to a better outcome for the children. This psychologist used a business relationship as a model for how parents should get along. You treat your ex-spouse as a business partner: you don't have to like him/her. You just have to work with them because you are contractually obligated. Someone from the audience raised a valid point: what if your business partner has been lying to you and stealing from you?
In reviewing your last thread, I just realized you were Jewish and there I was....talking about Christianity and even referring to scripture from the NT. See? We all make mistakes. That is one main ingredient we have in common with everyone.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
heh! funny. Ironically, I don't think you were too off base about my past sins. Most major religions have more in common than they do differences anyway.
I promised you a list of things I would change - I did not forget. But instead, for now, I have another list - books I plan to read:
1) re-read DR 2) the 5 love languages 3) It's called a breakup because it is broken
I hope through reading these, I can gain more insight into who I am and who I want to be, and come up with the real list. Any other suggestions?
RAI
P.S. you last major post on WW was incredible. I truly appreciate your insight. P.S.S. I keep wondering if I know any of the DBers IRL
I was on the treadmill yesterday and I saw a music video that I would never have given any thought to pre-A. The late Whitney Houston's "It's not right but it's ok". Empowering for LBS. Good beat for running. Add it to my list.
My first entry here is perhaps a little childish, but I think it's fantastic. Just saw the movie Tarzan (disney animated version) for the first time and I've been jamming Son of Man ever since. Phil Collins is and will always be the man. Maybe that song can help someone get out of a funk for a little while. Very upbeat and catchy
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
My first entry here is perhaps a little childish, but I think it's fantastic.
You obviously have not seen my post about pinocchio.
Quote:
Just saw the movie Tarzan (disney animated version) for the first time and I've been jamming Son of Man ever since. Phil Collins is and will always be the man. Maybe that song can help someone get out of a funk for a little while. Very upbeat and catchy
Much appreciated. Will check it out. I agree with you about Phil Collins. Too bad he also co-wrote "Easy Lover" . I actually love that song anyway.
Haha no I missed that about Pinocchio! Two Worlds from Tarzan is also good.
Got another song for you, but it might not be for many on here right now. Sam Smith's "I'm Not the Only One". It's about infidelity, which obviously is a touchy subject with many here. But it's super smooth. And there is a lyric that resonated with me this morning, especially being on the "healing half" of this BD/A/D trauma:
Originally Posted By: Sam Smith
You've made me realize my deepest fear
Aside from something terrible happening to D2, being cheated on and left by WAW really was my deepest fear. And it happened. And I survived. The pain, for 6 months, was unbearable. But I'm promise everyone here, the post-pain is more relieving, exhilarating and empowering than you can possibly imagine when you're struggling, knee-deep in the mud. Just keep following the people here that have been through it! You don't have to see the light at the end of the tunnel, just keep walking to where we are telling you it is.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Hi RAI, thanks for stopping by my thread. I see you are still living with your WA as well. Makes it very difficult to detach!
Since we're talking about songs of course there are a ton that I relate too. "Just give me a reason" Pink and "a little bit stronger" by Sara Evans are two I always find myself singing extra loud! LOL
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
See? We all make mistakes. That is one main ingredient we have in common with everyone.
. I actually love that song anyway.