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Yep, Freddy, I agree with the others, especially as there is a young child involved. Dont want you to look back, and think..why didnt I do that.

You are responsible for protecting yourself and your child.

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Card29 Offline OP
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Perspective is clear now. That's why I love you guys! This isn't how to save $500 while on vacation


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
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Card29 Offline OP
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I've been thinking of the folks on here that are really struggling, whether they're new or have been around for a while. I know it's the worst pain you've ever felt, but I promise it will get better. Listen to the wisdom here and try to breathe.

Latest news, regarding WAW, BigD, D2, and other tidbits:

- I believe WAW's L filed the petition today. I will visit an old neighbor who went through this 10 years ago to get his L contact info. I'll only use him/her to make sure I'm not getting swindled. Not fighting going on with WAW.

- We decided how we will file taxes this year (married, jointly).

- We also decided how we'll handle D2's dependency (tax-wise) going forward. We decided on alternating each year, starting with 2015's taxes. I'll claim her next year.

- We agreed to meet each other's BF/GF's if we are getting serious with them, as in they're starting to spend a lot of time around D2. She brought that up and I'm not sure why. Like if I think her BF is a jerk, she'll dump him? I'm not bringing that up again. If she or I are with someone for an extended period of time, I'm sure we'll meet (bday party, whatever)

- I have realized that I am no good at telling age right now. I met a girl through my other sister, unintentionally. I met her while we were all out. I wasn't even going to approach her but she friended me on FB later. We started talking for a few days. Then found out she's 19. Whoops! That was a few weeks ago. We've become friends since then, as she already knew both of my sisters through their school. Obviously not going down that path with her, though.

- It feels good to get back to more mundane problems than I had for all of those months. Right now my biggest struggle are nagging injuries. 2 months with a bad wrist now, and I tweaked my back 4 days ago.


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 762
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Originally Posted By: Card29
1. Reminder to don't miss out on the journey you and I are going through. The last three years have been the best and worst years of my life. Lost my dad and my wife, but gained a daughter and more knowledge about my self than the previous 27 years combined. If I'd numbed the pain or ran from it, maybe I could have lessened the suffering but I also would have missed out on the joy. Probably would have prolonged a milder misery, though, for a long time. I've seen those people in my life and have known from the beginning I didn't want that to be me.
Just wanted you to know that this is quite inspirational. Focusing on the positive and showing gratitude. awesome!

Originally Posted By: Card29
3.) I've been listening to Journey lately - I have a Journey kick about once a year for 2-3 days. I think I'm reaching the end of this run, though...
If you have a specific song that you find inspirational, anthemic, or just feel-good for those in similar sitchs, please post to my new thread. I have been putting together a loose collection of songs that resonate with me and there are definitely songs that have been getting me through the rough days. You can see some of my choices in my old thread (last pages).

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017
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Card29 Offline OP
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Thanks for the thoughts, RAI, and thanks for pointing me to that thread!

So one of my worries about the apartment came to fruition last night. My dog has very high anxiety. She used to cry and howl when we'd leave her. She's 4 now, and she's quite a bit more calm. But whenever she was in new environments (my mom's basement, WAW's apt), she had an adjustment period of crying when left before she became comfortable there. I knew this was coming with my apartment.

Last night was her first night with me since I moved in. After I'd been home with her for 2-3 hours after work, I tried to go out for St Paddy's. Fail. She start crying, barking, howling. And I know when she starts the howling, it will go on for hours. This was 9 pm already. The walls to the other apt's are paper thin, probably my biggest complaint about the place. I mean, you can hear every word of every conversation if you're so inclined. So the poor people trying to sleep on a Tuesday would have heard howling for hours in the middle of the night.

Obviously I couldn't do that, so I went back inside and just watched TV with her chilling at my side. And I dropped her off at my mom's house this morning, just to try to taper the transition a little more. At some point I'll have to bite the bullet and let her adjust.

Tonight is my first night in the apt with D2 and the pup.

Last edited by Card29; 03/18/15 09:10 PM.

Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Joined: Aug 2014
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Had a pretty transparent convo with WAW today. She told me she was used by her OM. It hurt to hear that she went through that, but also, damn it was her cheating on me. I just told her that I am truly sorry that she was made to feel like that. She told me, "I've learned a lot about me the last year, a lot of it bad." I told her its great that she learned what is wrong, because that is the first step in making changes. She was finally receptive to hearing about the books I've read. I told her about them in the context of helping and changing herself, not attempting reconciliation. She is going to read HNHN and DR.

She asked about my dating situation, if they are Christians. I told her some things but not all.

She told me that her sister is meeting her BF this coming weekend. Good luck to them, because SIL can't be downright crazy if she doesn't like you. She always loved me. Even now she is texting me hoping we're going to reconcile. She's also trying to set me up with her friends, even though her and all of them live 3 hrs away. This guy could be the greatest guy in the world and it wouldn't matter if she doesn't want to like him. Could get ugly. I'll be nowhere near it, though, so not my worry. I just told WAW "good luck". She understood and laughed


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Joined: Sep 2012
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just checking in, Freddy... you are sounding good. I'm glad. smile

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Card29 Offline OP
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A very deep conversation yesterday with WAW. So I'm picking up D2 from school when WAW texts me picture of a tattoo. A script word on the side of a girl, across the rib cage under her left arm. I immediately thought it was WAW, but couldn't believe it. You couldn't see her face, she's lost 40 pounds since when we were together, and I haven't seen her with her shirt off in quite a while (don't worry, she was decent in the picture, I just mean I haven't seen her tummy in a while). I denied that it was her because she is the last person of anyone I've ever met that I would expect to get a tattoo. But it was her.

So I google the word (it was not in english) and it's the French word for "love". My first thoughts (which I didn't share) were, "You really think this is a good time for you to get a tattoo, in this crisis?" and "Wow, the French word for love seems a little inappropriate considering you started your A in Paris." Then she texted me a picture of her right side, and she also has the French word for "light".

I just texted, "??? Wow"

But then she told me about how bad it really got with her depression in the summer/fall. Apparently she made a feeble attempt at suicide at one point. It killed me to hear that. I had always feared it. And there were a couple of days where she didn't answer a text for like 48 hrs and I wondered if she was laying in her bed, OD'd on something. Since then, I'd presumed my fears were unreasonable, but apparently not.

She told me that a couple of the nights that she texted with me for a long time in the fall, until like 2 or 3 in the morning, she did it because she didn't know where else to turn those nights. I had no idea - I was just making her laugh with quotes from Parks & Rec, The Office, Jim Gaffigan, etc. This goes to show you why mindreading is a pointless exercise - I was trying to read those conversations for signs that she might be reconsidering our M, and in reality she was trying to avoid killing herself.

She said she got the tattoos, which she's thought about for a few months, because she decided she doesn't want to consider suicide an option ever again, and these are reminders for her. I of course was extremely supportive once I heard all of this. I told her I'm happy I helped, and that regardless of what happens with either of us, I'll always be there if she needs an ear. And I said, "Glad you're deciding to stick around smile "

Then I started making her laugh. First by complimenting her bra, which is visible in the pictures, and remarking that I find it funny that it's inappropriate for me to make that comment now that she's in another relationship. She said, "you're making me laugh, stop! my sides are really sore". I proceeded to text her her favorite sitcom quotes that almost always make her laugh.


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Joined: Aug 2014
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Things have been good, confusing, nerve racking. Normally good. But my head is spinning a little right now. I'm now actually okay talking to WAW about a problem with her BF. That wasn't the case even a week ago. So that's new.

I have the D papers but I still haven't opened the envelope. I'm trying to contact my old neighbor to get his L contact info. And of course I'll open them soon, I just haven't got around to it. I've had them for 3-4 days. I wouldn't be that stressed about it if my mom wasn't asking me about it everyday. She still thinks WAW is going to try to screw me and take D2. I really don't think that's going to happen, but I'm also not going to trust that it won't happen. But a little stressed from that (it's a D, after all...)

I'm settling nicely into the apartment except that my dog is still having separation anxiety. She has scratched up the door a little already. So, some stress from that. But the apt, especially with this awesome weather, is amazing. Multiple windows in all 5 rooms. I've had them wide open, a fresh breeze blowing throughout the entire place. Trying to focus on that as opposed to worrying if my dog is howling when she's home alone all day.

I've been casual friends with the 19 yr old for a few weeks, and then suddenly it got weird and complicated a couple days ago. No in-person meetings, but now I realize that she doesn't just want to be friends. So I'm peeling back from that situation. Hopefully down the road it can smooth out and she'll realize that I really, really don't have any intention of dating someone anywhere near her age and be okay again. She's already friends with both of my sisters, so I'm sure I'll see her around. But it's more stress

I'm getting D2 for the first time in a few days this afternoon, and I don't have anything for her to eat at home. Stress!

I'm also having my most stressful week at work since starting my new position.


I guess I'm just spilling all of this out there so I can step back and see that all of this will pass, and to find something else to focus on.


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
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Card29 Offline OP
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Had the date(?) with sis's friend last night. It was really fun. Nothing is starting with us, at least right now. She straight up said she's not looking for a committed relationship. She told me about all of the dates she's had so far. Not sure how to read that (friendzoning??) so I'll pull some DB advice and *not* mind read haha


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
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