Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Lifes Twists #2546081 03/10/15 01:30 AM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
A
AJM Offline
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
Quote:
I can see her opening up in them and then suddenly realizing she is having a conversation with me and catching herself. I think she still has issues reconciling this with the way she has tried to portray me. She still has much work to do on herself. I don't push it nor expect much. life moves on.
It's funny, but that struck a chord with me. Why? Because it was something I had noticed with my ex. Every time she started down that path of communicating and opening up, it was like she caught herself and changed direction. Until I stopped participating in the conversations. Then they became weirder smile

I know you know how this stuff works. Just commenting.

Glad the job is going well!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Lifes Twists #2553892 04/03/15 02:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
Hi Everyone,

Its been a few weeks since last I talked about my own situation.

Work is settling in. I do have my concerns about the job. They have an interesting product. The problem is that the company has not ever formalized any procedures or processes. The ownership seems to be starting to recognize this. They are starting to bring in new people like me to try and get this straightened out. In the mean time there have been people let go and others who have left. I am going to try and make lemonade from lemons. I hope that my efforts to implement changes will be recognized in full time hiring and or maybe even a higher position than where I am right now.

I have begun to work on the house again. I am hoping to get a lot done in the next 2 to 3 months and maybe get it on the market.

My girls are still going through different issues related to my wifes issues and the divorce. I still continue to be their rock. I am amazed at the things they now bring to me rather than their mother.

On the ex front I get a text here and there and then a pull back and quiet again. I continue to be myself and do what is right.

Today I started something new for myself. I went out to a local dinner to have breakfast. I plan on doing this once or twice a weekend. Just sitting there and listening to other people is great and a step to getting a life for myself outside of work , house, and kids.

I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend. Remember this is the season of rebirth. Hopefully we can all find ours.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Lifes Twists #2554142 04/04/15 09:29 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
1
Member
Offline
Member
1
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
I like your idea of breakfast out. I think I am not quite ready to eat out alone. The idea of a diner sounds like a good place to start.

I have to admire you for being a rock for your girls LT. Sounds like you are doing really well.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



123Gwen #2556478 04/12/15 01:03 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
I always wonder if I am handling things correctly as they come up. Case in point was yesterday. My oldest car was making banging noises and other noises. She asked me to fix it for her. So, I dug into it and found that her rear braking system was falling apart. Bolts had fallen out and other parts were frozen and no longer any good. Long and short was I spent $300.00 on parts alone to fix it. During the time I was working on it my youngest shows up with middle sister to get a check for horseback riding lesson. These had been hit or miss all winter,so could not really plan on when they would happen. I had also asked ex to discuss paying for this jointly as per agreement without any response a few weeks earlier. Since i was out of extra cash I asked daughter to see if her mother could cover it. She left to go to lesson. Later I get phone message from ex that it was a really low thing I did, etc. I really felt this needed to be corrected immediately so gave her a call. I explained to her that before she jumps to conclusions she should ask some questions first. I told her that I had spent a great deal on the car for daughter that morning. I also told her that I had asked the girls to ask if she could cover it. I told her that we needed to communicate more about expenses so that things would be clearer. I felt at times like I was talking to a child since an adult should be asking a few questions before jumping off the deep end and accusing someone of something that was out of character for that person. I think I handled it correctly and hopefully set a boundary.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Lifes Twists #2556479 04/12/15 01:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
How did she react after you explained the situation? They always go on the defensive and think we are out to get them any way that we can...unfortunately, it's usually the other way around and they expect us to pay for quite a lot.

I think you did the right thing. Your xw needed to know that you had already spent quite a bit of money repairing your daughter's car and that expenses needed to be discussed in the future. If you set a boundary...adhere to it.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2556486 04/12/15 01:48 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
I think I took the wind out of her sails. She backed right down and said she did not realize that. I said I told the kids why I was asking them to ask her to pay this time. She said they had not told her. I responded that I was not surprised. She agreed that they had not communicated things. I told her if she opened up to more communication then things like this wouldn't happened. Time will tell. The call did end pleasantly.

So, maybe the fact she backed down and did not go on the defensive was a good sign.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Lifes Twists #2556488 04/12/15 01:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
I'm glad the call ended well. Sometimes you just never know how they are going to react when it comes to money issues. Continue to work on the communications. The more you remain calm and even toned, the better.

Well done!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2558729 04/18/15 08:56 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
I don't know if anyone has run into this before. There have been a few times my ex w has asked for help on something. When I have gone to her apartment if my youngest is there she gets very hostile and constantly asks are you done yet, you can leave now. She even gets nasty with her mother. is this her way of responding to the divorce? Does she think she is protecting her mother some how? I don't understand her nastiness to both of us. She is 15 years old going on 16 next month.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Lifes Twists #2558780 04/19/15 12:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
A
AJM Offline
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
An almost 16 year old, who's parents are divorced, acting hostile to her parents?? Are you asking if that's normal? Or expected?

I think that's what I hear you asking.

I would imagine some of it is that. I suspect some of it is also being a teen and when they see their parents acting like two kids, becomes the "adult" in their mind.

I know my daughter did. Proceed cautiously though right? I know when I put a stop to her trying to parent me, it did not end as I had hoped smile

What does she become nasty about? What does she attack you with?

Some of that is normal as well. i.e. if you and ex were still in the same house and married (a stable platform for a child), she still might act similarly as a way to break away from being a child. There are healthy ways to do this and not so healthy ways and they look to the parents to guide them through it.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2558873 04/19/15 02:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 641
Hi AJ,

I don't see it as her trying to parent. I see a deep seated anger coming from her. It gets real ugly when she sees her mother and I even exchange two words. God forbid we interact like two adults carrying on a conversation. Yesterday I was setting up a computer for the ex. This can take time when you are removing programs, loading anti virus software, etc. Ex hung around rather than disappear as usual. We were carrying on a small conversation and ex was sharing things that were going on in her life. I felt this was good. Daughter hung around, kept interrupting to ask am I done yet, got nasty, told mom to shut up and go away, etc. I keep getting the distinct feeling that daughter is feeling that if we are going to be divorced that we should not interact. Kinda like if we are going to ruin her life then we should not be allowed around each other. She has also gotten nasty with her grandfather lately and he has noticed as well.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard