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Wet #2558241 04/17/15 04:30 PM
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Wet

Sometimes I think our MLC'rs fail to realize anyone else's feelings (yours or s13's) ..... maybe its the 'in' with this possible op, "Oh you played chess once, well my s plays" kinda thing. Personall I would have an issue with it ... even more so if dude was offering to buy his way in with the bat deal. My son too plays pony ball, and yeah I am all for him getting better, but I am with you on this one, sounds like a good time to restate the boundary ....then again sounds like your W will do as she wants regardless so this may just push her into it ya know?? ... I guess you just need to trust your gutand pick your spots.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2558386 04/17/15 08:31 PM
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Thanks Caliguy. It looks like things are going well for you.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2558527 04/18/15 12:26 AM
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I'm disappointed. I was not able to pick up s13 this afternoon as he fell asleep as soon as he got home from school. And wouldn't wake up 3 hours later.

So excuse my childishness but when W told me she was going out to "see a game" tonight I assume with a male friend. So I decided to send her a few texts with only bits of information in each text. E.g., "S13 wouldn't wake up, so u have him tonight."

Then I sent a text reminding her that s13 has a baseball practice tomorrow.

Then the field it was at. Then the time, etc. and I spread the texts out, so that her focus was on her phone, and not the "game". I know how annoying W being on her phone can be, and if W is with someone else, let him have a taste of this.

Yes, I know, my small mind is easily amused.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2558781 04/19/15 12:43 AM
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Quote:
Yes, I know, my small mind is easily amused.
So it would seem. Do you think that nobody else would notice the childishness of the texts? Just asking. I think you do, but curious.

I guess the other question is what are you hoping to gain from it? Hopefully nothing, but curious about that too.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2558797 04/19/15 03:19 AM
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Et tu, AJ? Us LBS' have so few opportunities to have a chuckle by turning the tables on our spouses. Allow me to enjoy the moment.

And W was texting me back, she could have waited until later to text me questions. She could have given the "game" her full attention. She choose not to, and I happened to play into that. All's fair in love and war, right?

It hasn't been so long since you've been tortured wondering what your WW (now XW) was doing on a weekend night, has it?

And the only thing I was hoping to gain was IF W was with another person, that this OM might have that uncomfortable twinge of seeing her text with someone else. Oh yes, my own self-amusement as well. wink


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2558861 04/19/15 01:33 PM
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The self-amusement? Not such a big deal - you have a relationship with your w still. That's between you two.

The wanting to get at her other person for your self-gratification? Hoping that they'd be uncomfortable seeing her not paying attention to them?

That's like setting yourself on fire hoping to get smoke in her eyes.

It's been years for me, Wet. Once I realized I wasn't going to have anything to do with her and made it MY choice. As it turns out, I do have some interaction because we have kids together. But I keep it minimal and business only at this point.

And no, it wasn't always like that. I'm just not cutting any slack until you at least see the bigger picture of what you're doing and the ineffectiveness and degradation (to you) that occurs on the path you're currently taking.

In the scheme of things? Doesn't really matter to her or the situation. To you? It matters.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2558881 04/19/15 03:09 PM
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Hi AJ, I trust your advice. You have been thru this, I haven't. And your responses are always intelligent and thoughtful. Thank you.

Two updates: I picked up s13 at his baseball practice late yesterday afternoon. He had a new bat (W last week hurt me by telling me that a ball-playing "friend" in her life wanted to buy s13 a new bat). And s13 was really hitting the ball well with his new bat yesterday.

But I chose not to ask s13 about the bat, b/c I realized this was my issue, not his. He volunteered to me last night, asking me if his bat looked "new". I said it did. And he happily told that mom bought it at a 2nd hand sports-gear store. That made me feel better.

Second, I am having an MRI this week to see what is going on with my spine. I have neuropathy in both legs from my spine, that has gotten worse since my 1st spinal fusion surgery last year. I have also developed a tremor in my left hand. I am discouraged. I don't want to go thru another surgery on my spine, and the rehab that goes with it. But let's find out what the MRI shows first.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2558945 04/19/15 07:17 PM
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Originally Posted By: Wet
I picked up s13 at his baseball practice late yesterday afternoon. He had a new bat (W last week hurt me by telling me that a ball-playing "friend" in her life wanted to buy s13 a new bat)...


I see W is back to trying to provoke/hurt me with her innocent comments/texts. I text her to let her know s13 wants to go back early today to W's place. And she starts texting me about if I had seen s13's new bat. I text back to let her know I did, and s13 was crushing the ball with it.

Then W texts me: "yes, it took 3 men and s13 to pick the bat out."

The only purpose I can see in W's text was to provoke me. I did not go for the bait. But...

If I was going to respond to W's text, I might have said: "Oh, Happy Hour had a 3-for-1 deal?"

Or perhaps, "Oh, you brought your Friday night dates out to help in choosing the bat?"

Yes, I understand W is dating other men, and is on dating sites. But I don't know why she has to throw this cr*p in my face.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2558967 04/19/15 09:06 PM
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Why does she tell you these things? <shrug> Who really knows? It could be that these men are just friends. Seriously. Or they could be neighbors. Or.. Who really knows, right?

I realize what it's like, Wet. I have been THERE to be sure. It doesn't help that you're feeling discouraged and somewhat down about the physical problems.

But you're digging a dry well. Heading down a cheese-less tunnel. You're... well, you get the idea.

Try to stop that line of thinking. It doesn't lead anywhere good for you. And you have no control over her actions. Only yours.

What you're going through is not easy. It's not. But there are things you can do to prevent additional difficulties for yourself. Such as not "lashing out" and reframing your thoughts around what's going on or not.

I can tell you that you can guess and it'll usually be the worst, whatever you come up with. And more often than not, it won't be accurate at all. Since that's the case, you may as well imagine the best possible outcome, wish her well, and go on about your merry way, Wet.

I doubt seriously that if she were to knock on your door tomorrow and tell you she wanted to fix the M, that you'd take her back. Maybe for a little bit, but this new person is not somebody you'd be happy about long-term. Too much water under that bridge. Too much damage. So I can only think that you'd like to repair your ego a bit and be the one to tell her no. To see her fail. Or to see her hurt as a way to make you feel better (as evidenced by the texts.) But you already know, and I can agree with you, that you wouldn't be happy about it. For more than a second or two. That kind of effort is not going to bring you peace.

So your health is not optimal. Your son has a new bat and its working well, your daughters are doing well, and you've been volunteering and helping others.

All in all, not too bad a life, Wet. Perhaps things aren't where you'd like them to be in all aspects, but now might be a time for a lot of gratitude for what you do have. You may find that brings you much more joy, peace and happiness than anything else.

Not that you won't have your moments, my friend. You will else you wasted a lot of years up to now in my opinion. But I do think it would help to focus on the things you're thankful for rather than being down and worried (hard to do, I know).

Put some thought into it, my friend. I know you have it in you.


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2560589 04/24/15 03:18 PM
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Today's Lawyer Joke:

Two Boys' Fathers
Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door. "Hi, my name is Billy," he says, "what's yours?"
"Tommy," replied the other.

"My daddy's an accountant," says Billy. "What does your daddy do?"
"He's a lawyer," Tommy answers.

"Honest?" says Billy.
"No, just the regular kind."


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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