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AJM #2552618 03/30/15 11:20 PM
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Oh, why is it that the tax code is designed to hurt us that are separated from our spouses?

Yes, I assembled my tax documents (for self-employed people it takes some time, it's not just looking at a W-2). So what did I learn? You cannot claim the Earned Income Credit (EIC), when you are 'Married Filing Separately'. This is a big part of our tax credits b/c we have 4 kids.

So I email W and show her the IRS explanation. I called her after she got my email. And I explain how big of a hit this is going to be. She simply says that she doesn't want to be taken advantage of by having us file jointly.

Ok, I decided against trying to negotiate with her right now. She was going to try and fill-in her taxes on-line, and I want her to see the reality of what the loss of the EIC means to both of us.

W then tells me that she is "on welfare and receiving food stamps", and that she cannot see how she would have to pay any taxes with as little as she made. Sigh... And she turned down a job which wasn't "perfect"?

W also told me her car is broken again, and needs $1,000 of work. She then told a male friend was going to loan her the $1k, until her busy time this summer (assuming her photography work) to get her car fixed now. This part feels kinda good - W is not my responsibility to help her out.

So we are still waiting to see how the tax issue will work out. I got our health insurance application filed today, so at least something is getting completed.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2552731 03/31/15 11:54 AM
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Boy, she is paranoid! Why not suggest doing a trial run of what hers would be as seperated, yours the same and then together. Split the third one if there is that big of benefit.

Money is always an issue.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
kat727 #2553024 04/01/15 02:36 AM
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My childhood best friend's mother (our next door neighbor growing up) passed away, and the funeral is on Thursday. Guess who is wanting to show up? My W. What the heck?

I am friends with this family, and W only knows a couple of them as a brief acquaintance. There is no reason for her wanting to be there, and frankly it is annoying that she is horning in on something that is my involvement, not hers. (A week ago she wanted to go to my friend's 'Going Away Party'.)

And no, there is no chance that she is doing this to be there for me. I checked last weekend, and W is now on at least 3 dating sites. A few months ago she was apparently only on one dating site. So she continues to be in the throws of the single dating lifestyle.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2553402 04/02/15 02:42 AM
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Sorry for your loss.
They can be funny like that, Wet. How'd you find out she's going?

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2553512 04/02/15 01:52 PM
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Hi AJ, I talked to W in a phone convo where we talked about when I would pick up s13. I originally said I would pick him up the afternoon of today, b/c of the funeral this morning. And she asked if the funeral was for "Mrs. X" (my parent's next door neighbor), I said "yes", and then she said that she was thinking of going to the funeral too.

B/c no one was supervising s13, and he is on Spring break, I picked him up yesterday. W was not around. S13 was still dressed in his pj's, and he brought no extra clothes. I am disappointed that W would not spend time with s13 while he is on break.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2553734 04/03/15 12:11 AM
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Today was the funeral for my childhood best friend/next door neighbor's mom. My parents also went. A nice, mellow service.

The best part was the lunch gathering after the service. I was very social, not my strong suit. There was a neighbor I had not met before, and I shared a nice story about bf's mom - when I was young, she was the first person who was pregnant who let me touch her belly to feel the baby move. I was so happy, that every time I went to their house she asked me if I wanted to touch her belly again. She was very sweet.

Then for the lunch I sat with my parents and 2 other of the old neighborhood couples. 1 couple were the parents of another childhood friend. I hugged the mom. I got the latest news on my friend (also a lawyer. He's wearing long hair now, and wild clothes, she said regretfully.) And they all shared neighborhood gossip like they been doing this forever. They all knew about my sitch without me saying a word, but I was upbeat and filled with joy as I gave updates on my kids.

Near the end of the lunch, I visited with several high school mates. I also asked childhood bf how he was doing. He said he was relieved b/c his mom had battled diabetes, and it was a tough battle that he was glad she no longer had to fight. Then we got off talking about his mom, and he told how his 6'5" son was a good basketball player who recently had to defend one of the top 6'"11 centers in the state, and his team almost made it to the high school basketball tournament.

It was nice seeing familiar old faces and visiting. Oh, I almost forgot to mention - W did not show up. smirk


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2553748 04/03/15 01:08 AM
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All in all a good memorial by the sound of it. A very nice way to remember somebody special. smile

As for you son - yeah, teens. They do stuff like that. As for the W - well, they do stuff like that too. One day they look around and realize their "baby" is all grown up like it happened in a blink. For them, it does. For the rest of us and the kids, not so much.

I was talking to a friend today, Wet. He mentioned he was going to take his wife to a jeweler and have her pick out something nice for her birthday. I asked him why he doesn't do it and he said because she likes to. This is his third wife. He mentioned his second wife and how crazy is infectious. It was a short-lived marriage to say the least because she was nuts-o. He had to get rid of her because of it.

Life has a lot of twists and odd things that happen we don't expect. Raising a teen is one of those challenges, right? I wouldn't expect your W to come to her senses and be the old w regarding raising him. At least not anytime soon. She drowning in her own world and can't see out of it like a normal person would. That may be her new normal, Wet.

Perhaps at some point a good memorial for W will be in order. Not as in I'm wishing her dead, but more for the old W that is gone. Good memories, but that person isn't here any longer.

Just some thoughts.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2554784 04/07/15 12:29 AM
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I spent Easter at my family/ my parent's house. My 3 kids who were in-town spent Easter with my W's side of the family (at one of my sister-in-laws).

After the brunch, I sat down with my older brother. I understand he loves me, and doesn't want to see me in pain. I get this. But he pounded me telling me several times it's time for me to file for divorce.

I explained that I am not ready to file today. I am focusing my life on me right now. But I complained that W and I are having a dispute over taxes, filing separately we lose our earned-income-credit. He tells me again - "y'know, if you were divorced you wouldn't have this problem." I told him "thank you Captain Obvious."

Besides this exchange, I was rocking the PMA. I shared a story about an interesting case that I was in court for last week, and it caught everyone's interest. I felt more confidence and attitude, and it shown thru to the rest of my family.

I spoke with sister-in-law this morning, as I am doing some legal work for her - and I had some good news to share with her on her file. She said she missed me being there with my family for Easter. I was caught off-guard. I didn't know how to respond, so I let her comment pass without commenting on it.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Wet #2554987 04/07/15 04:13 PM
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I would have at least thanked her for saying so. She isn't saying anything more than that you were missed as part of the family. NIce of her to say.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
kat727 #2554989 04/07/15 04:19 PM
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Yes Kat, that would have been a nice, gracious response. My mind was fixated on the legal issues that I called her about, so I guess that's my excuse for being a clod.

I just spoke with W about our taxes, and she was amazingly level-headed. She said we should go into a tax professional together, and see together what the difference in our taxes will be if we file together or separately. She also offered to let me buy her tax refund amount that she would get if she filed separately.

I am very relieved.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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