Yes I feel pretty calm actually. I think it helped me to know that this may not be crunch time, and that the outcome of recent stuff may well be 'maybe.' No problem. I think I'll find it more difficult if we do go down the D route right now though.
Whilst H wants to rid himself of these things (me, the house etc.) that are holding him back from 'getting his life on track,' I hope we can just formally S for now. So, if that's what he comes back with and we don't commence D, I'll be pretty pleased with that.
My concern is that I don't sense any great change in his attitude. Things certainly don't seem to be panning out with OW. The picture has very much been him chasing and asking her to break things off with her chap (doing all the wrong stuff - if only he knew!) But she has never fully broken things off. I'm not sure at what point - if ever - H will realise that she doesn't 'do' healthy R's right now...
I worry that he may always see her as the lost love of his life....ugh...
Anyway, whilst he's relatively nice to me, he's still flailing about, feeling he has to 'sort his life out.' And he seems on a pretty short fuse. Doesn't take much for him to get tetchy. Not sure that there's much introspective work going on there. And I very much get that sense - as Starsky said - I'm sooooooo unhappy, and I don't know what to doooo. But there are one or two little chinks of light at times too..so who knows..Main thing is I'm doing reasonably okay regardless.
Anyway, working from home for me today. Will get out into town or something at lunch time. Then I have yoga GAL tonight. Have a good day all!
Last edited by Toots; 03/18/1507:41 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Good attitude from your part. My L said that my H is not doing his stuff right now is because his mind is totally devoted to think on his dream life.
The L said that most of the time he sees one spouse doing all what they can do for the M or for the D and the other spouse is in some cloud dreaming of a life they think they are about to built. The new is so attractive that make them escape from reality.
My L even advise me to take advantage of this stage and get him on my side instead of against me.
Your H may had that dream life of something that is not becoming reality for him. Besides being in dream mode, now he needs to deal with the fact that he is feeling sorry for himself. That he is not happy, that he is suffering and blah,blah, blah. The poor me guy is in action now.
However, he is also feeling his life all over the place, the guilt feeling is there and he is trying to swipe it under the rug for now. Why do they do this?
I know a lady that her H left her with 5 kids and got himself a much younger girl. For him, his W was all his problems. After 2 years, she is strong and got her life back together. He is still a mess, very unhappy, on his third or fourth girlfriend. He does not look good and did try to get back together, only she does not want him anymore.
I wish things get better and your H figure that he can turn around and be happy again.
You are doing great Toots. I wish you all the peace in the world, so you can keep doing what you are doing and be strong.
Have a good Yoga class beautiful, you deserve the best.
To me at least sounds like the PMA is holding up there and you're able to compartmentalise your h's searching without it impacting you, thats difficult to do at times (as youve seen recently in my threads!) but you seem to be managing it well. Good for you!
Take it easy toots. Hopefully you have the sunny weather we do, more hopefully not the -4c temperature!
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Yes he seems to like cheese less tunnels. He will check them all out to try to find happiness. Not much you can do while he does that except worry about Toots.
Thanks for posting guys. Yes Cadet, he does seem to like those tunnels. Where is that elusive cheese?
Edz, you mentioning compartmentalising resonated with me. I think our WAS's, particlarly wayward ones, are pretty good at compartmentalising. They convince themselves that having an A doesn't impact the M too much. They are a 'lover' with their AP, and great H and father with their families at the same time.
But compartmentalising can be useful for us LBS' too. It helps if we can see that our lives have different 'compartments' and are not all about our WAS's. I think it helps if we can put our WAS's in a compartment sometimes and get them out and have a look sometimes - but not all of the time. Other times, we open other boxes. New things at work, time with our kids, new time alone, new hobbies, new friends, helping others and so on. So whilst WAS' compartmentalise to the detriment of our M's, we can do the same to the benefit of ourselves.
Just logged off from work, and going to have a walk in the lovely spring sunshine :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Hi Toots. As usual your PMA is to be admired. From my perspective you have done everything to save your M You DBed like a champ and stepped up with your feelings once you felt comfortable to do so.
Your H has choices to make , if he chooses the tunnels then he will have to see if Toots is still at the enterance once he realises the cheese was beside her me to start with.
