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#2545694 03/08/15 03:24 PM
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Here's my previous thread - onto number six!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545660&page=1

And thank you Complex for the title of this thread. Do I think all is going well? Not really, but who knows what the future holds. Quick recap:


BD1 - Mar 2014, EA discovered

BD2 - July 2014, H admits PA. I move to parents 2 hrs away

Jul-Sep 2014 - lots of talking with H, A continues, he's 'confused.'

Oct-Feb 2014 - Virtually NC. I rent a flat, build up my own life, no idea of A status

Feb 2015 - H made redundant. Wants to sell our house. Says our R is over, then backtracks. Says he's been stupid, lost sight of what's important.

Mar 2015 - Agreed to sell house, formally S and divide assets and finances using collaborative law process. H wants us to 'move on together' - what does that mean? IDK. Still no mention of D at all and no idea of A status, but suspect it's over.




Last edited by Toots; 03/08/15 03:27 PM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2545700 03/08/15 03:31 PM
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Well, I've perked up a bit after a teary start to the day. Got up, got busy and have been out for lunch. Just waiting for a call back from a mutual friend of ours (the one who told me H said our R was over.) Not spoken to her in a while, and know she hasn't seen H in a while either.

Printed off some more L stuff and will deal with that later this pm. Plan to head out to aqua aerobics this evening. Think I may also plan a trip up to our MH this week to say goodbye to the bunny and do some sorting...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2545727 03/08/15 05:25 PM
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Cool name for a thread Toots wink

Good GAL activities. You are always on top of staying busy!

Have s good new thread!


Me 32 (German) Wife 28
T 3yrs M 2yrs
Moved to US for W
No kids
BD 6/2014
In house separation
Confirmed EA 1/2015
(ongoing since BD)
OM not ready
Real D talk started 1/27/15


Complex #2545731 03/08/15 05:35 PM
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Well, just came off the phone with our mutual friend and it does sound as though OW may be still somewhere in the picture. Of course I didn't ask, but MF told me that H flew out to visit OW just a few weeks ago. She also said that he has been dating when he is away at work too. So it sounds as though things with OW aren't completely panning out and may not be completely over either.

I'm really glad to know this, because I must admit I was feeling a bit conflicted, as you know from earlier posts. As he had emailed me to say he had been stupid and lost sight of what was important etc, I thought things might be well and truly over with OW. But he must have been emailing me at around the time he was going out there. Although it could have been after he came back - IDK - and best not to wonder!

Anyway, good to know all of this and it resolves any concerns I may have had about forging ahead in a business like way.

Funny that MF innocently said H seems to be 'looking for something or someone to make him feel better and isn't finding that.' (Ooh - cheeseless tunnel, I thought to myself!)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2545775 03/08/15 09:30 PM
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Got a bit of a snarky email from H tonight. He thinks we should leave the cat where she is as long as we can, which is fine by me. I'd rather not have to move her. That part of the email was nice.

I had also made a suggestion about selling a big item of furniture we have. H replied with a tetchy tone that we need to just leave stuff like that for now as he has more than enough to think about. Made me realise that I need to put Mrs Fixit back in her box and that he isn't welcoming these kinds of suggestions from me. Shut up Toots...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2545784 03/08/15 10:13 PM
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Evening toots.

No one knows about tying up their inner fixit more than me so I sympathise but dont sweat it too much. Who knows how the sale etc is affecting his thoughts on his choices.

If it doesn't need sorting yet just leave it be there's always a storage unit and removal / dropoff guys to sort that kind of stuff out for later...ooops my Mr f must have slipped a knot, thats it, fetch the duck tape!!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
edz #2545874 03/09/15 11:46 AM
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Well, bit of a rough day so far. Decided a visit to the marital home was overdue. I wanted to say goodbye to the bunny and H texted to say cat was limping, so that was on my mind. Woke up early and on the road by 5.30.

I have now been erased at our house. All photos of me and us taken down and replaced with others. None from our time together. All from before we met when SS was really small. I guess it's maybe surprising it took H so long to do it. But hard to see anyway.

Spent some time with the rabbit and said my goodbyes. Hard to do that but I'm glad to know where she will be and think it will be a nice life for her.

Finally, I snooped. Bad idea I know. I guess H's recent 'confusion' has got to me a bit and I wanted to see if I could get more of a feel for where things are at. Just had a look at H's desktop, where he had saved a document called 'another email' in January of this year.

In this, he told OW he loved her. Said things couldn't go on as they were. Her with OM and with him too. It was destructive he said. She thought she could maintain two R's, but she can't. She made him so happy before she went to work abroad and he wants that back again. When she comes back, he wants them to be together. But it needs to be simple, not complicated as it is now. He said she didn't have to respond to the email and he didn't want to argue. But she had to know he has his boundaries and he needs to be able to trust her. etc...

All very difficult to read and I feel just lousy now. Hard to read him professing love for OW so recently and still very much in pursuit. Sounds like she may be coming back to the UK too. So, I know I only have myself to blame and I'm bracing myself for 2x4s. At least it settles any uncertainty I may have had and I can just stick to business from now on. I just feel I'm back on the rollercoaster at the moment and I want to get off.


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2545877 03/09/15 11:57 AM
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Oooooh that tough toots.

Hard to handle, maybe some one else will advise.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Ggrass #2545878 03/09/15 12:10 PM
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Yep, just checked and OW has been back in the UK since February. Interestingly, H emailed me with the whole - he's been stupid, lost sight of what's important and so on in late February, so maybe her return wasn't all he hoped for.

I hate that I'm thinking about her again. I've thought of her very little in recent months - time to really work on detaching again...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2545879 03/09/15 12:12 PM
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Hi Toots. Don't sweat the snooping , it's done now so just move on. Very tough for you to read but again you read it and now you know how he feels at the moment. To be honest it sounds as if your H is in a worse place than you. You know how you H feels at the moment but his 'dream' is not the candy coated ideal he thought it would be For me your H is still struggling and from what I've learnt of Toots , your H is under the impression that Toots is not an option

Only Toots can decide if she wants to continue to stand or not. I truly believe Toots will be very happy again whatever she chooses and I'm looking forward to that day for her

Take care, Rd

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