So just met with the W. She messaged me after work asking if we could just meet at her bar. I said no and suggested a Mexican restaurant. I arrived after her and when I walked in I could tell she was a bit surprised as she hadn't seen me in weeks and I have since cut my beard down and happened to be dressed really cool today. She didn't say anything but I could tell she was happy with how I looked. I caught her once really checking me out, I didn't say anything but it was obvious as she was eyeballing me pretty good and when I looked at her she had a big smile on her face.
Anyway, just talked about work and kids and her surgery. Told her i had been out last night with work friends that were in town for mtgs this week. She asked what else I'd been up to besides work and I just said I had been keeping pretty busy but gave her no details which was very unlike me. I was very confident and did alot of listening and didn't prompt the conversation like I used to.
We only stayed an hour but she called me honey once and I didn't act like I heard her. As soon as we got up from the table she put her arm around mine all the way to her car. I didn't not allow it but didn't let it be obvious to me. At her car I told her to have a good night, she hugged me for a very long time and different than any hug she had given me in months all of which I had previously initiated.
I walked confidently to my truck and she got in her car and drove off. I don't want to make anything of this but I didn't come across as needy at all and I could tell she was the one happy to see me, not the other way around. I'm a real catch and maybe she realizes that...idk.
Anyway, just wanted to update on the encounter as it was the first time we saw each other in probably 6 weeks...idk don't even know for sure. I could tell she was thinking about me when she left, she should be. I was happy to see her too but I didn't want her to think I was sting to see her and think I did good in that regard.
Off to meet a work friend again that is still in town. For being so worried and stressed all day I have to say I feel pretty good about myself right about now.
A couple other things I realized and forgot to mention. One of the waitresses walked by our table 2 or 3 times and took a good look at me each time. W noticed and although didn't say anything she took a long glance at the waitress.
Also, I mentioned it was going to be warmer this weekend and she said she was happy it was and needed to get out and rake the yard. I could swear she was tearing up but I didn't act like I noticed.
Saying these things makes me feel a little guilty in a way hut also makes me feel much stronger than I had previously. I'm not just anybody and maybe she realizes that.
Last edited by vdubber; 03/06/1503:43 AM.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
Well I am back to report I felt good about tonight but it meant absolutely nothing as I drove home tonight and by her place and OM's car was there. You can try to convince yourself of something but truth always wins. Gnight everyone.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
The car in the driveway [censored], but don't be discouraged. Change does not happen overnight. It will take a sustained effort, not an instantaneous one. She saw your actions tonight and clearly you made an impact. That is a Win!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thank you Mahhhty. It's difficult to not be discouraged but guess it was a good sign that she reached out and that her actions showed she still has an interest in me. I suspect it's best to go dark now for awhile and let her drive any interaction. Patience is not my strong suit but I need to know things don't change overnight as you also mentioned.
I want to keep any momentum going but I can't initiate it, I can only respond to it.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
Message from W this morning hoping I have a good day and that she enjoyed seeing me last night. I just replied thanks you too. I will do my best to go NC and short replies as I don't want to push anything. This is very trying for me.
Need GAL activity for this weekend so I will be busy and not have time to think about things as it always gets me depressed.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
Sandi I know...I hadn't in weeks and chose to last night to see if OM was there. I was backsliding and it would have been in my best interests not to. I made a mistake certainly.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
It surprises me how quickly I can go from smart to stupid.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
OM being at WW's house does not cancel out how well you handled yourself at dinner.
If you had not seen OM's car, would your hopes be soaring? Probably. Listen, just b/c she liked what she saw in you, didn't mean it was going to immediately stop her from seeing him. It will take a lot more than one positive hour over dinner with you.
At least you saw for yourself what you can do, which is show off your confidence! Plus, she obviously was impressed with your improved good-looking self. That tells me that she could be attracted to you again some day. (Hey, it has to start somewhere, right?)
What do you do now? You get right back up on that horse, cowboy. You just had a ego fall, that's all.
I am amazed when I read posts from guys when their confidence level is high. They feel great about themselves, and as a result do a fantastic job. Then one little thing just burst their ego bubble and down they go. Actually, it works that way for both genders, I believe, when we are experiencing a lot of sensitive issues from the one we love. What could hurt one's ego more than to have your S turn to OP! True, I haven't been in those shoes, but I believe I have learned at least that much, through the pain I read about every day on the board. (I hope that doesn't sound cheesy.)
The closest one to us can pop our ego the easiest, yet when we are complimented from a total stranger.....it gives us a boost. We are funny beings!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
