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In turn, I will not be so concerned with what my wife is doing, thus detaching, and this might make her curious as to what I am doing, and possibly draw her towards me. Is this correct.


You have the first part of that sentence backward. You have to detach first.......then you will stop being so concerned about her.

If you detach correctly and GAL, it should cause her to be more curious and interested. If you keep cool, calm, and confident, it should be effective in drawing her closer.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Today my W dropped my daughter off at 10 am. Before she came I went out to clean the snow off the car to make it look like I had driven already, maybe coming home from spending the night somewhere; on a Sunday before 10 am I wouldn't normally go out. My wife dropped off my daughter, I stayed in the house instead of going outside to see my wife, if she wants to see me, she can get out of the car and come in the house. When she came back to pick up my daughter, my wife was cleaning snow off her car, and I went out because I was going to work. My wife asked me if I had been out yet because the roads were slippery, I think she noticed the clean car earlier. Anyway, I said no, which was true, and when I did drive I noticed the roads were not slippery. Also, I was wearing my new glasses (got them after she left, I never wore glasses before) and my hair was nice, a little long and curly just like when we first met, it drove her crazy then. So she asked me how I was doing, twice, and I said good, said have a nice day and left for work. I noticed my wife had a big smile and was checking me out.
For the first time seeing her didn't tear me apart after she left. I am changing for the better, and I will hang in there and be patient because I love my wife and want to be a family again. If she so desires she can have an amazing husband who knows everything she desires, and wants to rock her world, otherwise I am beginning to understand it will be her loss.


Me:47
W:47
D:12
T:27yrs.
M:17yrs.
S:10/14
Wife wants legal sep., which can be divorce after 1 yr.
om b 7/15 but probably a lot longer
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Still here?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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help67 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: MrBond
Still here?


I'm still here, 2 steps foward, 1 9/10 backward.

I'm dying to kiss my wife, to hold her, to tell her how much I miss her, how much I love her, and how sorry I am, how I am not the person she left, but the person she fell in love with, how I would do anything for her.

I am doing good at giving her space, I am doing good at supporting her as far as childcare, I am doing good at faking it around her, and I keep telling myself to be patient. I would love to spend time with her, but I am not going to ask, it has to come from her. I believe if we spent some time together I would be able to not push, but just enjoy. My W hasn't brought up the seperation agreement in 7 weeks, when she said she was anxious to get it done, the longer it takes the better.

Shared with my W some vegan canoli I got (were vegan) from a friend who drove 4 hrs. to get them. She loved it, said she would get some in the spring for us, maybe she will invite me to her place to eat them.


Going to play basketball tonight, get a good run in, and not think about my W the entire time. It's great exercise, I love the game, and the guys who know what I'm going through are great support. I play with a dentist who went through this 6 yrs. ago, sure would hate to have been his patient on day one.


Me:47
W:47
D:12
T:27yrs.
M:17yrs.
S:10/14
Wife wants legal sep., which can be divorce after 1 yr.
om b 7/15 but probably a lot longer
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 115
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My W emailed to say she wants to work on the seperation agreement in 2 weeks. I guess I have to, but what if I were to say no, would it make matters worse. It would be in place for a year before it could become divorce agreement. What do I do, keep working on myself, be patient and see what happens in a year. This is tearing me apart, I miss my W and D so much.


Me:47
W:47
D:12
T:27yrs.
M:17yrs.
S:10/14
Wife wants legal sep., which can be divorce after 1 yr.
om b 7/15 but probably a lot longer
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
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There are lot of things you can do to stall if that is what you want to do.

If she files the S papers - get a lawyer and there are a number of tactics to stall based on your state.

Again, even if you get to divorce, there are many many ways to stall it out, work on yourself and GAL.

Again, depends upon your state.


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help67 Offline OP
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I am in NY. A legal seperation agreement has to be signed and agreed on by both parties, in 1 yr, it can be the divorce agreement, only one party has to file at that point. It's what she wants, so I will do it, but I will take my time. She could just file for divorce now, this gives me the year, maybe she will change her mind. I will continue working on myself, it's all I can do, but this is tearing me apart. All I want to do is love my W, but instead I have to let her go.


Me:47
W:47
D:12
T:27yrs.
M:17yrs.
S:10/14
Wife wants legal sep., which can be divorce after 1 yr.
om b 7/15 but probably a lot longer
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
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you dont have to sign the legal separation. Why sign it if you don't want it? Again, a lawyer can stall it out (not signing) and even if you for years. Time is on your side.


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Originally Posted By: FOOLISH
you dont have to sign the legal separation. Why sign it if you don't want it? Again, a lawyer can stall it out (not signing) and even if you for years. Time is on your side.


It's what she wants, and so I don't think fighting it helps my cause, it would be me not giving her what she needs again and me being controlling. I am hoping that once it is in place she will feel secure and stop pulling away, maybe move closer to me in time. I know time is on my side so I will take my time doing it with her, we have been seperated 5 months, say this takes 2 more months, and the year it is in place would be over 1 1/2 yrs in total. By then things might change, I know I am changing,


Me:47
W:47
D:12
T:27yrs.
M:17yrs.
S:10/14
Wife wants legal sep., which can be divorce after 1 yr.
om b 7/15 but probably a lot longer
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 115
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help67 Offline OP
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Today is seven months since my wife left, and after reading some posts for the first time yestereday, I might finally be letting go. Looking back, i realize I made a lot of mistakes to push my wife further away. I have done some good things too, but I wonder if it's too late. Early on my wife asked me to just be her friend, and i guess i couldn't. I am now going to be just that, a friend. We are working on a seperation agreement which could be a divorce in a year. Is it possible after all the mistakes i have made to turn it around at this point. We were together for 27 years, married 17, and i guess taking 7 months for me to finally figure things out isnt that long in the scheme of things. If I db really well from this point on can things change for the better.


Me:47
W:47
D:12
T:27yrs.
M:17yrs.
S:10/14
Wife wants legal sep., which can be divorce after 1 yr.
om b 7/15 but probably a lot longer
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