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Burger #2544486 03/04/15 02:24 PM
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Oh Yeah- I know that one well. Just had to explain it to the Vet and what seemed like his entire staff a few weeks ago - to make sure they called the right contact number with an update on my dog.

I'm sorry about D14, Ahoy. I presume, given what you've written that she's not ok talking to her dad about what's going on with her. What a tough age.


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BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Yeah, she doesn't want to tell him how she feels because she thinks he will get angry at her. And she says he doesn't want to know how she really feels because he just wants everything to be happy and normal.
I just keep encouraging her to keep an open line of communication with him and to tell him when she is uncomfortable, whether he is able to hear her right now or not. She tried this -- talking to him about how she wanted to keep the house to stay near friends instead of sell it to buy another place nearby -- and he dismissed her (he could afford the house easily, so there is something else motivating him in that regard, probably related to his AP).

She says that she fell down the stairs and he didn't bother to ask if she was okay. She texted me to say that he seemed to care more about the dog than her. She says that when she's at his place, he just works all the time and doesn't interact with her (he has "poor time management" according to her). In fact, H complained that he hadn't been able to take care of some of our dissolution paperwork because he was being "interrupted every hour" in the evenings by her. (!!!)

I guess I'm just surprised that he is so checked out as a parent and so oblivious to her needs, being so wrapped up in his own right now.

I feel good about moving forward with the dissolution, but I feel terrible for D14. And helpless.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2544546 03/04/15 04:40 PM
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Well- there is the old standby of counseling. Do you think D14 could benefit?


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I just spoke to her about counseling again this morning. She says she is not ready to go. I mentioned that I thought some of her physical issues might be anxiety-related, and she agreed. I told her counseling would help. I told her that I understood that she isn't ready, but if the physical issues continue that we would need to see a doctor, and a counselor. She seemed to understand.

Sometimes I think she just doesn't want to be forced to talk about things on a schedule. Some days she is open to sharing her feelings, others not so much. And I'm sure for her there is the fear of the unknown.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2544563 03/04/15 05:15 PM
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I'm sure I would have been frightened of the idea of counseling at that age. I suspect if she got past the first session she would be ok with it - but you're right - it's better on her timeline.

Hugs to you and her.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Ahoy Offline OP
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More tears from D14 last night, but not as many. We both got a better night's sleep. Tomorrow I meet with H to fill out affidavit. I'm hoping this will speed up the process -- why does it take so long for the lawyers to coordinate everything? I really want to have everything filed by the end of this month at the very latest. Don't know if that's possible...


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2544971 03/05/15 08:14 PM
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It's just business to the lawyers - they don't have the vested personal interest that we do and they are coordinating multiple cases. I was surprised by that too - they are by far the slowest part of this.

Glad to hear D 14 is a little better.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Ahoy Offline OP
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Just got STD test results back: all clear, thank goodness!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2545009 03/05/15 09:47 PM
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Glad to hear it!


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Glad to hear that, Ahoy! I did the same thing (with the same results!)



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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