Need Help!!!

[MCS]

Errod,

Just reading up on your sitch. I'm 6 months in and still am struggling to detach and let go of control. If you look through, I continue to back slide, but I can tell you the best way I saw to get detached other than GAL is coming to a point yourself that you say "enough is enough" I thought that meant I was "done" but quickly learned my feelings for her as a W are still there, but I realized that this is her own journey and one that she consciously chose to take without me. Good luck

[errod]

I haven't contacted wife nor have I heard from her all day. This is about as long as we have ever gone without sending at least a text.

[sandi2]

I told her that is fine but I don't even want her back since she is really becoming such an insensitive liar. So for the entire game she kept her sleeve over her hand and we talked normal even a little flirtatious from that point on.

It's times like this that makes me want to reach through the computer to strangle the LBH! You break down to go into a long tell all explanation (which can often sound like more excuses) of why you are in a bad mood (which she did not care nor was really interested...like you took it.). She was redirecting the focus off herself, onto you being in a bad attitude. Remember, it was immediately after she said something was her fault, that she quickly changed to blaming your bad attitude? Learn to keep your mouth shut about your feelings as long as she is wayward. It just causes you to appear as weak and whiny.

As much as you wish to see her showing real concern for you, everything about her has changed to some degree.

During your explanation, you just couldn't resist making a dig about the rings, could you? Do you realize it knocked off a lot of attraction points when you told her? Think about a movie or actor who you see as a alpha type that you like. Can you imagine how he would react in the same situation? Mine would have said, "Frankly my dear............".

I don't know if this is two separate times (games) you have referred to about her keeping her sleeve pulled over her hand, or you are repeating the same incident. Doesn't it insult your intelligence that she knows that you know she isn't wearing her rings......and she's acting as if she is in jr. high by trying to cover her hand? This is suppose to be an educated, professional career person, right? And how do you respond? You act flirtatious???

There can be occasions where a friendly, flirtatious time at the game might not be completely bonkers, but this timing wasn't right b/c of what had just gone down.

If you have another occasion at a game to see your D14 play, you can act charming, fun, a little flirtatious......simply to show off your stuff, but not any sexual hints in your talking to her. Don't misunderstand what I mean by "flirtatious". You don't want her........you just want to the guy she wished she could have. Your message should show that you are a great catch, but you can't be caught easily. .

[Joe46]

This forum needs a LIKE button!!!:)

[errod]

Sandi2 Thank you so much for the tough advice. As much as I don't like hearing it everything you say is correct. I received my DB book today and have read 2 chapters so far. Considering we are getting crushed by snow and I will not be able to go anywhere today I should be able to read it all by tomorrow morning when D14 and I leave to visit family for the weekend.

[errod]

"She will have time to either miss me or time to play since she will be childless and alone for all that time."

This is still control on your part. Stop mindreading what she may or may not feel. It's not worth it.

And what have you been doing to make yourself stronger? Have you seen changes within yourself?

This post hit me hard and I did not realize how valuable this advice was until I started reading the DB book today. Even though I never thought of it that way, everything I have been doing has been scheming and trying to control.

My W has been telling me that exact thing and I never saw it that way. She told me I sit from afar and still try to control everything.

After thinking about this, I realized even when I pray I am trying to control things. I am always telling God when the time is right and when he should be trying to reach her heart.

I am going to try my best to build of this advice. I am really looking forward to this weekend my W is dropping off my D14 tomorrow at 6:30 in the morning. D and I are going to go to the Gym and then get ready to travel to NJ to visit the family for the weekend. So I will get to spend some quality time with my D14 (who is the most important person to me right now) plus visit my family who I haven't really seen much.

[errod]

Very uneventful day today. W sent me a text in the morning saying she wasn't opening the office today due to the snow storm we got today. Then in mid afternoon she sent me a text saying D14's game was cancelled for tomorrow nigh due to weather. Then a few hours later a text that she bought gifts that we owed family members because we haven't seen them to bring to them. Then finally a message saying she baked cookies and made gift baskets to give to each my brother, sister, mom and dad. Also she made a Easter Basket she wanted me to bring up to our nephew.

That was our day maybe a dozen total one line texts. So nothing to get excited about but no steps backwards either. Very hard going to be these last few nights with out a good night text. But I am doing the detaching.

Also I have read the first 200 pages of DR so far. I wish I read that book earlier. I believe if I did the things outlined in that book from the very beginning we would have never even separated. I was given so many opportunities and I never took advantage of them. Now I just need to hope I have one more chance left and I use the advice that I am getting from the book and the people on this message board.

I love my wife and want her in my life very badly. But these last couple days I am coming to grips with the fact that life will go on either way. I could not honestly say that the last 8 months.

[errod]

I need some very quick advice. My W has not talked to me really since are fight at the ball game the other night. My D14 just came to my house after being with W for the last 2 days. She said W is walking around steaming mad because of the things I said to and about her. She did not say specifics to D14 but she had a bad attitude and it was all my fought. She also wouldn't let D14 go out with her friends saying it is her time she can go out when it is my time. I am currently doing detaching but should I apologize. I am thinking just a simple I am sorry about the other night in text form. Nothing more than that. But I don't know if that would be taking a step back.

[sandi2]

I don't understand. I thought you said things were friendly after the argument. Even flirtatious!

My advice is just leave it alone. If you try to apologize, it will simply lead to a R talk.

I think she may take it out on D14 if she knows D14 repeated something she said. Your W already "punished" her b/c she was really mad at you, so she didn't let her D out of the house.

MWD says to choose your battles, and I think this is one to leave alone.

[errod]

Thank you for the advice. We did seem fine that night but have not really talked since. I have to admit this is normal behavior for her. Since all this has started if we have an argument, she will be fine for the remainder of the day. Then she would go home and think about it then be silent to me for a while. The only difference this time is I am trying to Detach so I have not reached out to her like all the other times. Therefore there has not been much conversation except for D14 related things. Even today when she dropped off D14 she wouldn't even look at me. D14 and I are travelling a couple hundred miles each way this weekend. I would of expected her to at least say drive carefully.