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Another question - old family photos of WAW

Oh Wise DB's - should I return the old family photos of my WAW? I know we are not divorced but part of me feels like she would want these. The other part of me feels like she would view this as a hostile gesture designed to hurt her.

I think I will go with my first instinct and gather them up nicely and put them in a plastic wrapper and give them to her. They are photos of her Mom, Grandmom, etc....

Please let me know if this smacks as self serving, pursuing, guilting, any negative that could be associated with doing this?

Foolish the unsure


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Originally Posted By: FOOLISH
Please let me know if this smacks as self serving, pursuing, guilting, any negative that could be associated with doing this?


OK, I'm letting you know. I think you need to GAL and not poke an angry bear. Anything and everything you do will be interpreted in the absolute worst light and the worst intentions will be projected onto it. This would be a train wreck.

How about instead you do some GAL activities and focus on things OUTSIDE of the old M?


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I agree with Zues - maybe put those photos away for now - there's no urgent need to pass them on to your W. She can always ask if she wants them.

T :-)


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Originally Posted By: FOOLISH
Another question - old family photos of WAW

Oh Wise DB's - should I return the old family photos of my WAW? I know we are not divorced but part of me feels like she would want these. The other part of me feels like she would view this as a hostile gesture designed to hurt her.

I think I will go with my first instinct and gather them up nicely and put them in a plastic wrapper and give them to her. They are photos of her Mom, Grandmom, etc....


Just box them up and put them aside in your house. It is not an urgent matter and W hasn't asked about them which is good.

Curious...why do you feel the need to act on those old photos? I think you answered your own question...subtle, latent anger toward W that she split the family and you just want to stick it to her. Right? No?

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OK - heard - I will not deliver any photos to the angry bear. I will let this one lie.

See what I mean, I think I am doing the right thing and then after I sit back and "think" about the DB principals, I have to honestly reconsider. I can't say I always come to the correct conclusion, but at least now I stop and pause instead of just acting out what I feel.

Thanks y'all


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F,

You've grown, baby. smile You are learning to be less reactive and more deliberate in your approach. So glad you came here and asked questions to the peanut gallery before taking any action.

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I'm pretty sure I have caught my WAW in a lie and boy does it hurt.

She asked a while ago for me to keep our kids March 3, 4, 5th while she was with her AP in San Francisco. That plan didn't work out and she took it off the calendar.

Well today March 5th, I called to talk to kids as I sometimes do in the morning and she said she had to drop them off early to school at 8:45. Drop off is usually at 8. I said Oh - that's early which whe replied yes, I have an appointment I have to go to.

I then call later to ask about her W-2's and she said she is in a meeting and can't talk now.

It is all very fishy to me and I am pretty sure she is with her AP.

I have to learn to detach more and not let this throw me but God I feel like I am right back where I started from. Dejected and rejected.

Oh well - starting over with the process.

Last edited by FOOLISH; 03/05/15 04:23 PM.

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So I am dying to text her and say "oh you are not here, OK, I get it now"

Just to let he know that I know she is lying. But that would be pursuit and I know that is a no-no.

This just breaks my heart, lie after lie after lie.

So, what's the matter with me, why don't I just proceed with this D. It seems the longer I delay the more pain I put myself in. It's counter intuitive.


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Originally Posted By: Wonka
Originally Posted By: FOOLISH
Another question - old family photos of WAW

Oh Wise DB's - should I return the old family photos of my WAW? I know we are not divorced but part of me feels like she would want these. The other part of me feels like she would view this as a hostile gesture designed to hurt her.

I think I will go with my first instinct and gather them up nicely and put them in a plastic wrapper and give them to her. They are photos of her Mom, Grandmom, etc....


Just box them up and put them aside in your house. It is not an urgent matter and W hasn't asked about them which is good.

Curious...why do you feel the need to act on those old photos? I think you answered your own question...subtle, latent anger toward W that she split the family and you just want to stick it to her. Right? No?


I felt the need to act on them because she did mention them in our mediation process - she wants the old photos. I just did not reply. I thought by giving he the photos would make feel better.


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Here's another details from the spout from my WAW

The last time I saw her she said later via text - you may remembe this is the coffee shop encounter where she literally ran away.


I am tired of hurting and tired of you hurting me, all I am left with is running away. I don't know what the future is but I do know that I will never go back!

I swear the convo was only about the kids schools, our mom's and other non r topics. We did not talk about anything else. It was only when she said that I was guilting her into meeting me, and that made he feel bad, that I said OK and got up to pay. When I came back, she was out the door. I wanted to say I didn't ask you to come back but bit my tongue.


Last edited by FOOLISH; 03/05/15 07:41 PM.

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