Toot Alors!

[edz]

Hi toots

Sorry its a bit of a stressful evening. I suppose the question is do you need to do anything because of the financials or just step back and get perspective? If you need or want to then I think the steps above sound good making it clear that while you don't want to d this is a good step to protect both of you or something similar?

[Sotto]

Thanks Edz, I don't 'need' to do anything right now - I'm not going under financially. But I guess I partly feel a bit stupid that I haven't taken more steps to protect myself financially.

I feel we are in limbo money wise and everything is 'on trust' ATM. We still have a joint account, which I'm not paying into and H said I am welcome to use. I have occasionally used it, but very little, and I've stopped now he has lost his job. I just realised my joint account card expired at the end of Feb. Will be interesting to see if H forwards the new one from our MH!

In actual fact, I could go on for a good while longer - certainly for another 3/6 months - and longer if I chose to pick up some more freelance work...I just feel we should get things settled sooner rather than later - who knows what he may be up to with the remainder of our assets (which I know little about....just makes me nervous - although he's generally prudent with money.) But he's currently wayward, so who knows....

I just feel so conflicted about it - and it's ridiculous really. I feel I'm pretty strong in some other areas of our sitch - I don't know why I'm being so unassertive about it really. I guess I'll just give it some more thought and act when I'm really sure - if I ever get to the point of being really sure!!

[edz]

Hi toots

Obviously you should make sure youre safe financially. I can say w and I are still on a joint account. Covered why on my thread so won't go into it all again but be aware you're not the only one holding on. Its true I am trusting wnprobably more than sensible but I suppose one of us has to trust the other at some point to move the sitch on. Time will tell if this is a daft move or one that helped move us forward.

[Vanilla]

Toots

I read that all you really need H to know is there is a road to R. The details involve work by both etc etc........

In the long run this is an alternative, and one of many choices. Like a multiple choice radio button.

Take your L advice Toots and be clear that this is best for Toots and for Toots and H whatever happens. Damaging Toots is of no assistance to either Toots or R. Act from a place of strength financial as well as emotional.

V

[rd500]

Hi Toots if in doubt do nothing. Time is on your side and unless you want to move on I would wait. Your L seems way of the mark re pricing , 220'an hour. !!!!!! I'd want dinner and a movie thrown in !!!!

Sorry I can't be more help. Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Thanks V, Edz and RD - appreciate the comments. RD, I'll maybe see if she'll throw in a movie and dinner next time! I plan to just pay the bill and chalk it down to experience. Minimise the time there and prepare really well so it all runs smoothly. I'd like to stick with her - she seems great.

As for broaching things with H - well I still don't know, but I've told myself I'll do nothing for now anyway. I just posted on Edz' thread - I feel H popped up out of his hole - dropped a huge bomb - then disappeared right down again and hasn't been seen since!

Oh well. Hoping to diversify with my freelance work and emailed my CV off to someone today. It is speculative, and I don't have much hope for it - but thought I'd give it a try. I also heard back from Relate, and have a meeting set up next month about a possible infidelity support group - exciting!

[susana4]

Hey Toots, haven't commented because I don't have much to offer here, no experience in the way of dividing resources or Hs who appear and disappear, but I wanted to say I think you're doing really well and managing your hopes and expectations extremely well. Keep going! You look to be on the right track. H can reappear if and when he wants.

Good luck with the freelance work!

[rd500]

Hi Toots. Again nothing but support I'm afraid. You are very strong and have handled your H's recent contact really well. It was obvious you had some hope but you never let it grow and kept a cool head. I admire you and your ability to deal with the crap you have thrown at you. Impressed and a little bit in awe. Well done Toots

Take care Rd

[Sotto]

Thanks Susana and RD - You're both very kind - and RD, the awe goes both ways!

I think for now, the onus is on me to improve my earnings here and be more secure myself in the longer term - so that's what I'll be working on. I have trundled along with my no pressure freelance work, which is great and that can continue for a while. but I plan to add something else in and (hopefully) increase my earnings in coming months. That way, finances aren't such a pressing factor, and I can keep on as I am..

[Sotto]

Well, busy working today until around 2pm. Then headed off into town for a bit, paid the solicitor's bill. Thought if I did that quickly it might feel less painful (it didn't.)

When I was in town, I noticed they have a vacancy in our smart shoe shop are - part time - but I thought GAL? Might be fun. I've been thinking of adding something else on to my part time freelance work. Emailed my CV over to them, so we'll see how that goes. I love shoes, and have a sinking feeling this could result in a negative income situation for me - with a gain in sales for the store....

All quiet on the H front. I may drop him a text at some point, just to see how he's doing.