I believe alot of thanks goes to my L/C, she takes the things I say and turns them around from such a different perspective that it really makes me think.
Yes, the is the beauty of and IC or LC, isn't it? To see things from a different perspective. And people on these boards do that as well, that has been key to my journey.
Hi all. Just an update. Nothing spectacular to report but here's this weeks news
SIL left on Sunday and W seemed really down on Monday and Tuesday Had the usual calls and she was waiting for results back from doctors re her blood tests. This was on Tuesday and she also said during the call that she was worried that she was depressed. I vaildated her and told her it was probably best to wait for docs results and take from there. W stayed in the house Wednesday and the night was ok , W was very chatty and was talking about buying a smaller car due to running costs Again I vaildated and stfu after that. On Thursday I went to L/C and things did not go well. L/C told me that I needed to let go of thoughts and assumptions re OM ( L/C does not believe a EA/PA ) as it is holding me back re personal growth Thursday PM W called and after some chat told me again that she thinks she might be depressed and she is thinking of going back to L/C I didn't really comment.
Friday W was home collecting D14 and W told D10 that she really hated her job and the people she works with Sat pm W dropped D14 home and W started telling me about her weight loss and lack of appetite. She has lost over 2.5'stone and did not have that to lose. W started pointing out how small her chest had gone and she was very worried that she was depressed. We then had a small Argument that was over reasonably quickly and didn't esculayte, which is a huge step forward for us. W then told me that D14 told her on Friday that she didn't feel W was her mum anymore. I validated Ws sadness and left it at that.
Sunday I got a long text from W apologisein for the argument and saying how we were both very stressed over the situation. W finished text with how she misses us all.
4/5'texts last nite from W , general stuff but unusual for a text at all on a Sunday
That's all folks. Loads of stars, lots of positive words. Plenty of closeness re touching , pet names and personal sharing but W Lives somewhere else
RD, let me ask a question. I know LC thinks there is no EA/PA, and you believe the same thing. What if there is? Would it change anything for you? Just asking......
Hi RD, sorry to hear your W is sounding so low. It just sounds as though she is unhappy with so many things in her life right now. She obviously still sees you as someone she can depend on and talk to. Without checking back, has she discussed possible depression with the doctor RD?
It's sad that your D feels that way. It must be tough for everyone. Your W is obviously upset to hear that, but seems at a loss to do anything positive about it either. I know you said she had improved with regards to the kids.
As usual, I'm amazed at your fortitude and forebearance RD. I struggle along, and it's easier as I don't have that much contact with H. But you have a great deal, and still manage to keep everything going - I'm full of admiration RD.
Take Care x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Rppfl I think there could well be !!!!! I have chosen to carry on as if there is not becuase I want to be positive and be the best I can be W is spending time with OM and W would normally be way out of OMs league but as I say I have chosen to accept what W has told me At the moment I don't think it matters too much as W and I have no R If we were ever to reconcile Im not sure I'm mature enough to get over an PA. L/C has spoken to W about OM and that's how she formed her opinion.
On a different note When I came home tonight W was here a getting ready to leave. We chatted for 10 mins and I went to my car as she was going out the drive. I waved and she waved back. She then stopped the car and called me. Me he discussed her credit rating and said she hoped it wouldn't affect mine. I told her not to worry about it and I could see her well up with tears. I told her that I was worried about her and she should look after herself , W burst into tears and grabbed me and pulled me into a hug and a kiss through the car window. I told her not to be upset and call me if she needed to talk. She drove off and called me 20'mins later to discuss her hair style !!!!!!
Rppfl , thanks again for caring , it means a lot. Take care. Rd
Thanks Toots. Yes W has been to doctor last week and they are ruling out physical problems ( W is going through menopause) first and then they will Discuss depression W has had post natal depression and was on tabs for a few years. W is very sad at the moment and is always close to tears I have posted before that although she has left her kids I believe she is struggling big time about it. On the sofa at the moment with Ds and S16 watching match, just finished playing cards and loser had to make tea. (d10) Very sad without W but I am so lucky to have my kids.
All the ladies on here have such compassion and I am truly grateful to you all For your support. Thank you , take care , Rd
Read your posts and I see this man that is beating himself down all the time. Really?
Enough RD, you know it is sad, hard, painful and so on, but it does not help your cause to be the same all the time. Your W is depressed, and she needs to lift her spirit right now.
Maybe we all need to think on how you play the game. The OM is just a consequence, a symptom of a bad few years of really boring marriage with lots of kids and kids troubles.
I know our kids are the most valuable in our lives, but they are also a big reason that our marriages go sour.
I see that you want your M back, your W back and happiness back, so it's time to plan every move and get your life back, little by little.
You have it all to your benefit, she wants to take part on the family life, so make it a weapon for your war. Go out with the kids sometimes and invite your W. Maybe everyone gets in a mood and you all have a great time laughing, enjoying each other.
Maybe it would be very good to show her what she is missing, instead of joining her on her sadness and grey days.
How am I doing? In a giant Roller Coaster. I cry a lot, dance, laugh, cry more, talk to friends, work, go out with kids, joined a financial class, doing my divorce, trying to get my H back, being mad with him, hugging, kissing and making love, going dark, up and down, and taking one day at a time.
Crazy...I know, but life is short and I deserve to be happy too. I will do all what takes to get my M back, but I am sure I need to change even further. And so is you, what about telling us what are your changes, what new hair style your W can see, what new shirt are you wearing when she gets to your house, something that may call her attention and make her think of what she may be loosing?
You asked where I was, being in hell and back, will slowly tell all what happen. But I am back to bug you, I see an RD very passionate and very sorry for himself. It's time to get out of your comfort zone and do the 180s.
I am glad you are still here, you are amazing, good H, good father, good chef, good housekeeper. Now, we need to see a good, charming and attractive man. I am sure we girls can help you a lot. What do you think? Can we start?
