I talked to a phycologist for about two hours. He was an employee of mine when he was in high school and college. So he knows our past struggles and now the current situation. He said that my STBX is bipolar 1 and is in a full blown manic episode.
The trigger that started this episode was probably the hydrocodone she started taking in Sept. when her bulldog cracked her nose. The first sign was her making the vibrator video for me then sending the same video to an old classmate in Wa. state. The spending spree of $15k in a period of about three months was also a red flag. Then spiraled out of control by finding the dangerous convict and deciding to move to MT to be with him when he gets out of jail.
He said her life coach is not qualified to deal with her and because her psychiatrist doesn't know about all of her behavior he has missed the bipolar 1 diagnoses. To manage bipolar 1 patient's there needs to be a triangle relationship between the patient, the professionals and a loved one. This relationship keeps the patient honest with the professionals. With out the three way communication the bipolar patients will leave out bad behavior and lie about how they are really doing.
He said that her initiating sex with me right up BD is typical of someone having a full blown episode.
The rash on her body was most likely an allergic reaction to the cocktail of prescribed medication and adding various painkillers.
At this point there isn't much I can do because she is too far into the episode. If I would have realized the signs of a bipolar 1 manic episode beginning maybe the triangle relationship could have been forged.
He gave me this saying to repeat as much as needed. I didn't cause this, I can't fix this and I cannot control this! I can only help. (I don't know how to help, maybe just understanding more about bipolar1 will help me not take her actions personally)
Yesterday we went to my sister's house for dinner and a movie. Then my youngest brother and I went to a pub to meet up with a friend that I have not seen in 25 yrs.it was great to catch up with him.
Today has been rough as I am having to stop myself from making contact with STBX, SND20 and I have not seen her since we left Texas last week. She has not called either of us and only a few text messages.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
That is very possible. Manic depressive disorder would need to be diagnosed by a qualified physiatrist. It can be treated but takes a combination of therapy and medications. Many try and self medicate attempting to "fix" themselves.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
She sees her psychiatrist once every three months, but when she went in January she wouldn't let me go with. Therefore, he doesn't know her recent behavior. I'm sure she left out her opiate relapse, sexting the prisoner in Kansas, sending the vibrator video and the plans to hook up with the domestic violence convict in MT. Also avoided telling him about her $15k spending spree on jewelry, Victoria Secret and various other items.
My psychologist said it is worth a shot to email him about this behavior, but fears that she is to far into this episode to make a difference.
Do you think I should email him?
I spent the day with my mom, two of my brothers and SND20. Nothing exciting today but it is nice to be with my ND family.
Having a few beers last night with my brother, old classmate and another friend was fun, but today I can tell that my antidepressant was not working properly.
Tomorrow we have some errands to run around town. I need to decide if I am going to waive my right to be served and waive my right to testimony. Any advice would be appreciated.
I have not had any contact today. She called but I did not answer or return her call. D25 called today about her mother, she told D25 she is going to stay in TX for a year and wants her to move in with her. D25 told her no. Two days ago she was moving to MT to be near her "life coach".
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
I think that it would be ok to email her Dr. Don't make it a habit or become part of the therapy. Just let her know you are concerned because of her behaviour. Your ex. May not be being honest and if she is in a manic phase she could be endangering herself.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
W appears uncontrolled. Generally you may wish to let this go, W is W responsibility and it is her psychiatrist who makes the diagnosis. A professional would already have considered the alternatives and if the psychiatrist is unprofessional contacting him/her would produce little result. Generally I am unanimous with Karma and we are in accord almost with one voice and here we differ slightly in our approach. If you make contact then probably a call that for information you and W are apart might be all that is needed. Then there is only concern without the suggestion of interference.
Medical treatment is W responsibility for W. You could mention your considerations to other family members, that you believe W behaviour is deteriorating although largely they will have noticed this for themselves.
Jb, move on with your life to a place of strength and let W behave as she will. This sounds very unkind and unloving and V believes that this is the kindest and most loving action that Jb can take.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 03/04/1512:43 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
After careful consideration I have decided to not contact her psychiatrist. I think my psychologist is correct in his diagnoses because he is getting the truth from me, but his advice to email him would not help at this juncture.
I have been busy with family and friends since arriving in ND. I saw my cousin and two of her grand babies today. This evening I made Indian Butter Chicken for my mom, SND20 and two brothers. We also had naan and samosas.
I have made plans to meet up with four of my old high school friends, I'm just waiting for them to set a date. Since I'm on vacation I'm letting them pick the dates.
STBX called tonight to get help with signing up for quick pay with her bank account and to decide who is paying what bills this month. I could hardly get her off the phone. I said have a goodnight and I'll talk to you later three times before she said goodbye, she just kept telling me what has been happening.
Jbird
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Sensible decision on your part, let her immediate family track the health of STBX.
Sounds like STBX is looping her thoughts, you are correct to use broken record as a technique in this. Minimising contact will ease your burdens. STBX is also stringing to you and will have to face the consequences of her decisions asap for your sanity and wellbeing. Brave Jb: you need your space and time to heal.
Consider training STBX to use texts, so that when she rings say 'please text me, gotta go now, bye'or let it go to answerphone then text 'missed your call, please text your request'. And respond to texts not calls. Start by minimising responses and gradually add delay to the texts. A little like a weaning process. In the last instance for example, 'your banks helpline tel no 12345 can help you with quick pay, suggest you ring them'. We have to do this with demanding clients who will not pay the bills but want a lot of extra service.
Great GAL plans Jb.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 03/04/1503:35 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Tomorrow I have an eye appointment in the morning and Monday I have a dr appt.. I need to get my meds adjusted and get blood work done for PSA, testosterone and cholesterol.
Yesterday I stopped at a grocery store before I went to the post office to overnight paperwork to her attorney. I started crying down the soap aisle, I walked around looking away from people until I gained my composure. I can't believe a grown man can be so emotional over STBX changing her name!
Visiting with my ND family has helped, but now that I've been here a week my PMA is sliding. Some GAL plans have been postponed until a later date, because of my friends jobs. I need to join the gym where my brothers work to improve my PMA.
My IC knows STBX and me personally and he says she is in a manic episode. Yesterday she text me that she thinks she is having the same kind of episode she did in 2004. She is considering getting a different psychiatrist to retest her. I pray she does, my IC has convinced me nobody in their right mind would do what she is doing.
Jbird
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
I SURE am looking forward to hearing Nothing about your stbx and lots more about you & your family...
(that's a "reminder" for you to STAY FOCUSSED on you, and only you b/c all this other stuff is
still YOU trying to control a truly UNControllable woman...
which is such a waste of your energy & short life.
Originally Posted By: Jbird
Karma,
She sees her psychiatrist once every three months, but when she went in January she wouldn't let me go with.
I'd be shocked if she had let you. If I were seeing a psych, I'd never want my h there. Yikes...that would hinder my progress b/c I'd be inhibited and would Not share things with my doctor
plus I'd worry about my h judging me,
or trying to manipulate me.
Let's see if there are any assumptions or mind reading in the post BELOW...
Therefore, he doesn't know her recent behavior. I'm sure she left out her opiate relapse, sexting the prisoner in Kansas, sending the vibrator video and the plans to hook up with the domestic violence convict in MT. Also avoided telling him about her $15k spending spree on jewelry, Victoria Secret and various other items. ALL of this ^^ is total speculation on YOUR part....AND it does you NO GOOD even if you are correct! What changes for you? Nothing! This is the same thing you did last month
asking us if you should tell your stbxw about the OM who may be in her life. IT's YOU pretending to have a need to interfere or "save/fix/rescue HER
when your own life needs plenty of attention itself.... What do you think you are avoiding in your own life, by constantly veering back to hers?
My psychologist said it is worth a shot to email him about this behavior, but fears that she is to far into this episode to make a difference.
Do you think I should email him? No I don't. You are doing all this b/c you are trying to CHANGE HER PATH and it won't change a thing. Let me repeat that for emphasis.
You emailing her doctor will NOT change her path.
Even if everything you believe is happening, IS truly happening, she will NOT listen to you and she'll just change doctors if she wants to.
But it's NOT relevant. It's NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
I spent the day with my mom, two of my brothers and SND20. Nothing exciting today but it is nice to be with my ND family.
Having a few beers last night with my brother, old classmate and another friend was fun, but today I can tell that my antidepressant was not working properly.
Tomorrow we have some errands to run around town. I need to decide if I am going to waive my right to be served and waive my right to testimony. Any advice would be appreciated. Thought this was asked & answered before,but maybe I confused you with someone else.
Okay so, Waiving service just means you don't need to be "officially" served divorce papers notifying you that your spouse is filing for divorce. In other words, you are admitting that you know it's going on and that you do not need the "official" serving of divorce papers by someone.
IF you do not waive it, then in effect you are insisting on being served divorce papers.
Usually that means some guy comes to your work place, or your home, (often there are other people at work or your home, & they will see you get the papers), and
this is done to give "proof of service", which means they can prove they delivered the Div documents to you. Most people do waive right of service.
(If someone did not get served AND did Not waive the right to be served, that could mean the h or w filed divorce papers without ever telling their spouse, which does happen now and then.) But most couples know a divorce is coming.
Waiving testimony is NOT the same. That is something you need to address with a lawyer licensed in your state. I THNK that it means you are NOT Contesting any of her claims in the divorce filing. That it's totally uncontested.
I don't know what your assets are. But you have some. AND you have a SN Daughter, so I'd be very leery of agreeing to what your w writes in the filing, which is what I think she's asking of you.
Call a Div lawyer in your home state, before you agree to that or anything else.
Make sense?
I have not had any contact today. She called but I did not answer or return her call. D25 called today about her mother, she told D25 she is going to stay in TX for a year and wants her to move in with her. D25 told her no. Two days ago she was moving to MT to be near her "life coach".
Disengage from your wife's activities and plans and comments...
Consider for a MINUTE, all the worrying and anxiety you have had for things that won't even happen
and or that you have no control over.
Remember all the stress about "What to tell stbxw about OM? He has a criminal record and I'm SURE she doesn't know!!? What do I DO???"
And maybe now she's not even going there...
and you were SO SAD when you said "W wants to take SN D to Montana!!"
Oops, she may not move there at all....so it's another NON problem you were so upset about.
Jbird, you must learn from this^^^^^.. When you operate in fear, you are NOT operating in faith.
And that ^^^ is no way to live.
YOU MUST CHOOSE A NEW PATH FOR YOURSELF. Today.
Then you really will start to turn a corner into better things for your life.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
