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Originally Posted By: Fogg
I've only read up on this thread but it sounds like your doing an amazing job with everything. Keep up the great work. Also, love the geocaching! I discovered it about a year ago and rarely hear anyone talk about it, so it's always a nice surprise when I see someone mention it.


Thanks Fogg! It definitely wasn't this easy in the beginning, and I still have a ways to go but I feel like I am doing a lot better.

Geocaching seems to be a "secret" still but it's a shame not more people know about it because it's really fun! smile I think you're the first person I've met that has heard of it!


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It is fun, I wish more people know about it. Since my situation has started its helped me a few times in some unusual ways.

The first two weeks of January I was suicidal and wishing I could just die. I was looking for any reason to live. I went to church and prayed for a sign to keep going, any sign. The pastor mentioned geocaching in the service that day and that gave me what I needed to continue on. It was actually pretty shocking to hear and I tend to not think it was just by random chance.

Reading up on everyone's stories gives me strength I never knew I had. I see how far so many have come and realize I can do the same.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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susana4 Offline OP
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Wow, Fogg. That's quite a story. I hope you are feeling better now, and you were able to speak to a counselor or doctor about your suicidal feelings (are you still having them?). Glad the geocaching helped so much, too.

Yes, I've found reading others' stories on here incredibly helpful and inspiring. You can definitely do it, too! Just be patient and remember to keep working the process.


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Had a bit of a slow start to my morning again. I did a grocery shop online which I usually do weekly, which delivered today. You have to place the order 48 hours in advance (but you can edit it up to 12 hours beforehand) and since there's a minimum spend requirement I frequently put a 'holder' item (usually something somewhat expensive like a bottle of booze) in to meet the minimum spend, just to make sure I reserve the day/time I want, and go back and edit the order later, taking out the 'holder' item and ordering the food I want.

This week, I forgot to edit the order in time and I've ended up with a bottle of gin, along with a few other items, but not all the food I would have ordered otherwise! crazy Guess I'm having G&Ts for dinner this week.

Heading off to my friends' for brunch in a little bit. He appears to have made three or four dozen cinnamon rolls (for just 6 of us!). laugh

H will be back from his weekend with college buddies later, and I'm really not sure what he'll be like. Will be interesting to see what sort of mood he's in and whether he's in pullback mode still.


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H came back just as I was about to head out the door. We chatted a few minutes.

He said I looked nice (I was wearing a dress and makeup done for my brunch) and asked if my necklace was new. (It's one I bought over the weekend) he also noticed my new top hanging up and asked about it too.

He was doing his whole staring at me like he was about to kiss me but not doing it.

He asked if I had dinner plans tonight and when I said I didn't, asked if I could teach him how to make salad. (Lol I know that sounds weird, who needs a lesson on making salad? But I think he meant my special salad dressing.)

One of my goals was for him to invite me to do something together but I don't think this counts as its in the house.

Wonka, I invited him to do something this week - suggested a sourdough pizza place he's been wanting to try. He said he won't have this week before he leaves on his trip (he's off on a ski holiday from Thursday) but he suggested next week and said he's back next Monday. In retrospect maybe he was waiting on me to suggest a day next week but I just said "ok next week then". Oh well.


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One other small thing I forgot - I was rushing out the door but there was a rather large pile of dishes I stop needed to do. H told me he'd do them and I should go ahead and meet my friends.

It didn't seem fair because they were from last night and this morning and he wasn't even there (our deal was always if you are the others cooking you washed the dishes), and it seemed sort of mean to leave him with all that work and go meet my friends but I was running really late and he offered...so I did.


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Making salad sounds fun! Maybe get the music on, beer in the fridge and make a bit of an event of it?


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Toots - good idea! Maybe gin & tonics in place of beer though considering my recent purchase!


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Susana,

You've made some real progress. New clothes and jewelry. H noticed! Baby....that's real good to see.

I like Zelda's idea. However, hold it off for another time as the timing isn't right to use it because you and H are tentative. Too much, too soon.

Your H suggested an alternative time for the pizza event. It shows that he was receptive to the idea. You would want to make sure to plan for it after H returns back from his trip.

Making salad! Yeah...make it a fun activity for the pair of you. He asked for your help. He's warming up to you.

You're doing sooooo good, baby. laugh

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Well, when I came home he'd already put on music and mood lighting (of his own volition, I didn't suggest it), yet was acting a little bit distant and my jokes didn't get many laughs tonight. He was in the middle of a project (related to his work, but something he's doing as a personal project in his free time). So I took it as that being why he was distant; he mentioned he "couldn't tear himself away" from it and that he couldn't stop thinking about part of it he was trying to solve, so I told him we could make dinner whenever he felt like a break. He logged off within a few minutes but seemed distracted.

Then after we finished eating he started on the project again and has ignored me since. Oh well. Leaving him be!


Me 28 / H 28
M 1 / T 2.5
BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more"
Still living together, separate rooms.
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