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Just a mini update.

W was complaining about her neck Sunday, her and S stayed home all day, S told me he did nothing but play with his truck we built and watched some TV... sounds like W was down for the count. She missed work yesterday, TM at 4 to have me pick up S some lunch items as she "literally can't move" ... no problem, S and I went to the store on the way home and had fun picking out his items.

Dropped S off this morning, man ... she looks horrible. I gave her the lunch items .. hugged and kissed S, told her I hoped she felt better and off I went. I have been pretty detached as of late, admittedly I have channeled a bit of frustration about the whole thing and what she did to do this, preparing for the D and all. But seeing her that way, its hard seeing her suffer now physically, along with mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I said a prayer for her after I left, I really hope one day she is not suffering any longer regardless of our M or not.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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CaliGuy Offline OP
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Strangeness continues ... bet that has never happened here... lol

W called, she told me she was scared, he neck is bothering her, she is sad, she was crying ... emotional all that. I for the most part just tried to listen and understand her between her sobs. A few days ago when we were discussion S and his issues I explained to her that his issue with being in the car would be only for a month longer, she forgot I was moving. She asked about our dog (This has been trending lately... past 2-3 weeks) now for the past year and a half she did not seem to care, but the past few weeks she has at times shown remorse for abandoning him. She asked about him and I shared the place I am at allowed dogs, I told her it did but only 25 and over ... she was concerned I calmly just told her I am figuring it out and its something I will just have to deal with.(He is a very old dog and I think it will be fine .. just concerned as he is going blind and has been barking at nothing lately.)
So the call was her telling me she was scared, and that she was thinking of Tommy (the Dog) and she did not want me to put him down (Not sure where this came from, he is blind and deaf but still hanging in there) then she really started crying saying she could not live with herself if I put him down after everything she has done. I just listened... she told me she should not be talking to me, should not be sharing ... hung up the phone balling.
Later I get a TM asking "What if Tommy stays with me for a bit?" I did not reply ... first impulse, ummmm no... my dog sorry, you walked on him and me while you lived it up. But that's the angry little boy in me... honestly he is my dog, she can deal with the guilt with whatever means she can find. I am keeping my dog.

Her spin cycle seems to be in high with her in pain and all alone in her condo.


M: 48
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M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Hey Cali,

That is one of the things xh was upset about when he came around in late Nov. He said he felt so bad for what he did to the kids, me, and the dog. He told me and the kids how bad he felt and kept mentioning the dog. He would pet her and be upset about everything. Prior to that he took no interest at all. He never offered to take her when we were away, my parents did. And now, he does not seem to care anymore. We are going away at the end of the month, and still... no offer (not that I would have him do it).

But it is really weird, some of the things that goes through their minds, and how there are similarities with these mlcers.

Unreal.

Glad you are still doing well.

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Cali,

Regardless of how out of joint your nose is about the dog, I would let W have the dog for a while. Does it make any sense? Nope. And it doesn't really matter either way.

Be the bigger man here and allow her to have some time with the dog. This is how she feels connected. Why would you want to deny her this small amount of 'happiness' with the dog?

Just do it, bud.

Wonka #2544256 03/03/15 09:57 PM
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CaliGuy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Wonka
Cali,

Regardless of how out of joint your nose is about the dog, I would let W have the dog for a while. Does it make any sense? Nope. And it doesn't really matter either way.

Be the bigger man here and allow her to have some time with the dog. This is how she feels connected. Why would you want to deny her this small amount of 'happiness' with the dog?

Just do it, bud.


Its not a case of being that upset about the dog sitch to be honest, nor am I holding the dog ransom in any way to punish her. Thing of it is the dog requires pills everyday, he is old and his hips are bad, deaf, and the cataracts have him just about blind. I do not think she can care for him, her memory is not one I trust where the dog would get his medication daily, nor can she lift him in the car, up the stairs, etc.

Her place will not be any better suited for him than mine. Its not about making her suffer ... its about not having the dog suffer. If I felt her would be better off with her I would do it in a heartbeat, with her actions this could easily be forgotten in 12 hours once she feels better. My move is still a month away, nothing needs to be decided now, but I am leaning more towards the "Thanks for the offer but no thanks" approach.


M: 48
W: 47
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BD Sept13



Mighty #2544257 03/03/15 09:59 PM
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Originally Posted By: Mighty
Hey Cali,

That is one of the things xh was upset about when he came around in late Nov. He said he felt so bad for what he did to the kids, me, and the dog. He told me and the kids how bad he felt and kept mentioning the dog. He would pet her and be upset about everything. Prior to that he took no interest at all. He never offered to take her when we were away, my parents did. And now, he does not seem to care anymore. We are going away at the end of the month, and still... no offer (not that I would have him do it).

But it is really weird, some of the things that goes through their minds, and how there are similarities with these mlcers.

Unreal.

Glad you are still doing well.


Yeah I think thats what got me, out of left field. "Sorry for what I did to the dog" .... as the elephant in the room farts ...hahhaa

Last edited by CaliGuy; 03/03/15 09:59 PM.

M: 48
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M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Cali,

Have you ever tried allowing W to have the dog even for one day? You really don't know until it has been tried.

Has W had the kids over too? I mean...do you see it at all?

Your so-called logic has me baffled. Just doesn't make any sense to me at all. Your W knows that the dog has medical issues. Who's to say that her place isn't any better than yours? Dogs really don't care where they sleep as long as it is a warm place.



Last edited by Wonka; 03/03/15 10:18 PM.
Wonka #2544295 03/03/15 10:51 PM
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Originally Posted By: Wonka
Cali,

Have you ever tried allowing W to have the dog even for one day? You really don't know until it has been tried.

Has W had the kids over too? I mean...do you see it at all?

Your so-called logic has me baffled. Just doesn't make any sense to me at all. Your W knows that the dog has medical issues. Who's to say that her place isn't any better than yours? Dogs really don't care where they sleep as long as it is a warm place.


To answer ... yes, she has come over and taken the dog he is about 100lbs and she is not to far from that, he pulls her where ever he would like to go.
Like I said ... no decision needs to be made today, I am suspect of how sincere she is at the moment (Given the history her mind will change in 24 hours), her place does not allow dogs.


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CaliGuy Offline OP
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More movement

W seems to be in a bit of pain with her neck. She called late yesterday towards the end of the day in reply to my TM asking if I needed to pick up S or since she was off (and is closer) if she was planning on picking him up. I TM her that and went to the bathroom, she called and I missed it. This had her upset as she is taking it that I am purposely ignoring her, I calmly stated I went to the bathroom, called her back ... she spewed some more ... I unlockd the spew hatch and told her my TM really did not require a call .. a simple yes or no would have been just fine. I quickly locked the hatch back down and weathered the storm for a bit .. just listened and STFU as she went on about many things that she felt, things that were wrong in our M, nothing new or out of the ordinary as far as spew went until she seemed to calm a bit and was crying.
Then a new one... she said she missed me as a friend. Yeah .. I had to ask her to repeat it pretending I did not hear her just to make sure I heard what I thought I heard. I am not sure where this came from and it was followed with her asking me if I thought the divorce was easy for her. She said something to the point of knowing I want us and her .... I corrected her and told her I currently do not want her, not the way she is nor has been, that I accepted she wanted me out of her life and I respect her enough to honor that wish. Then she said something to the effect that she hoped we could be friends. Right or wrong I calmly told her ... friends do not treat each other the way she has treated me. I pointed out we are not friends, we lost that some time ago and given the circumstances I will do my best to be cordial and nice, and co-parent S to the best of my ability with her. Little spew from that and a statement of her saying she knows she destroyed everything, I did offer a bit of validation that we both made mistakes and I wish I could turn back the clock and talk to me 10 years ago (I would have given him a phonebook of notes, and highlighted MLC). I told her our marriage died, and we both had a hand in that. She brought up a few things and I told her I have apologized for my part, and I have moved on from that. She brought up more past events ... I stopped her and asked if I should pick up S or if she was, I was not going to rehash past events that I can never change. She calmed down and we ended the call

I did end up picking up S, took him straight to her house ... cordial drop off like nothing happened and I went back to work for a few hours .. home, movie ... talked to S (Nightly phone call) and went to bed

W TM around 1 ... about the pain, wanting to give up .. reaching out. She TM again early in the morning. Saying she could not move and couldn't get S ready for school, make his lunch .... so ... I know ... I offered to take S, I am well aware this is a fix it thing, but I seen it as S needs to have his lunch and get to school and to be honest I am not sure how bad she is or if this is just a ploy. Regardless S still needs to be taken care of. So I get to her place, she looks like death. She told me she had been to 2 different doctors and going in for xrays today. I was PMA with S, had him help me make his lunch, got him ready for school ... had him give her a hug. She asked to talk, I looked at my watch and told her we only had a few minutes. She asked me what she should do .. concerning her job, I told her .. like the MLC stuff I have read she is looking for someone to give her answers .. I told her what I would do .. left it up to her. She also touched on faith, saying she has lost all faith and has no idea what she should do ... Again .. I just told her some things S and I have learned .. he told her about how we quiet our minds and just try to listen to God .. I was amazed at S and how calm he was showing his mother how he prays... proud moment for me seeing this young man share his faith openly like that.

So .. I am at work, W has TM a few times .. reaching out, temp checking .. who knows ... I do know that I remain grounded, no expectations, she is going through her tunnel and the alone time with the pain is forcing her to actually be secluded, can not help but think God is working with all this but again, I have been through this enough to know she is far from done, far from baked ... for her sake and for S I do hope she no longer suffers and can find peace and come out of all this.


M: 48
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BD Sept13



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Hi Cali,

i am wondering if a lot of this has to do with the time of year, almost to end of winter. My XW TMed me on Sunday asking if she have to dog for the evening since I was taking our daughters out to dinner. The level of communication has also increased. I don't know if it means anything at all so I don't read much into it. I did bring the dog down and she spent afternoon and evening with her and brushed her coat and did some pampering. I do wonder if this is a bit of the reconnecting they talk about.


Twisting on Life's Rope
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