I don't see myself wanting to be around his family. Yep. Even if relationships with in-laws were great pre-BD (like mine were), strained relationships with in-laws = one of the many casualties of an A.
I hear you loud and clear. I darn near threw dynamite on my relationship with H's family while he was wayward last year. And I've expressed to them, since he returned, how little I respect how they handled things. I mean, not once did they question WTH H was thinking. It was alllll about "supporting him no matter what." It really helps shine a light, actually, on how and why H handles things the way he does: He's spoiled slap rotten.
Obviously, I know blood is thicker than water. But morals are morals. Values are values. I don't care WHO you are.
Ah well. I could spin my wheels about that all day ...
Bottom line is: I've learned that for myself at least, my love for my children is absolutely unconditional; my support of their choices, however, is decidedly not.
Omg, dealing with a flipping hangover.... My always trusty hangover cure: Drink another one! And cheers!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
So not that I'm trying to be preachy (is that a word?) but I really try to remember when things are bad (and I'm pretty sure you said this to me before) if I think not being with H is the answer to end the hurt and turmoil me filing for D or having H leave won't change anything right now. I would still have the same hurt. None of us really know how things are going to end up but no matter which end of the tunnel you come out -- there will be light.
Which way you go is your decision because only you know what makes you happy. I know I vent and make emotional responses when things are bad or not my way so I am trying to work on that. Really working on this chill out period.
I am a hot mess and in no way should give advice which is really why I don't post to others much but do know i think you are strong and your H is a lucky man that he got 2 chances -- the ball is in your court and you hold more cards than you think. Maybe it's time to sit back and let things marinate and see how things go. Could you make small goals? Maybe a night out without talk of anything but casual topics (and maybe you could make it a short date this way there is less chance of heavy stuff coming into play).
Train, As I was reading your thread, I felt like I was reading mine. I have been married 6 1/2 years and my husband cheated on me twice. How do I forgive him? I know I need to because I need to find peace within myself. Then I ask myself all the time, will I ever be able to trust him. As like you, I want to crawl into hole and just stay until my pain goes away. Then I think, is this marriage worth saving? Right now, I can't stand to be around him and then on the other hand I miss him. I'm not sure what I want at this moment. To stay in this marriage or set myself free.
Well I made it! Wedding anniversary today, also anniversary of H "walking out" (he came back for a few weeks then left for OW in March) I am still alive!!!!
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
It's bomb day and I am a hot mess.... Still so angry, trying to let go of that for my own well being.
I hope one day my kids have no memory of OW. That may sound horrible but it still makes me sick to see the picture H took of OW cuddling D2 and captioning it "my princess and my queen"
Struggling today, big time.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I'm so sorry it's a tough day. It's funny, sometimes we breeze through the antiversaries pretty well and sometimes they are....rough.
I can understand your feelings about the picture. I found some pictures of H and OW having a posh lunch out and they remain 'burned' into my memory.
The main thing today is look after you. Recognise you feel a mess. Give yourself some TLC, go back to bed if you can and pull the covers over your head. Read your book. Ring or visit a friend. But most of all, just get through the day intact. And then - know what? That's another horrible antiversary out of the way and this will be the worst one.
Thinking of you and sending huge hugs today ((((((TM))))))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
No going back to bed... but as soon as H walked in I was "done" with kid responsibilities and went to take a hot bath. S13 ended up having a friend spend the night and they were up till after 2am playing Xbox. They are still sleeping and it's past 9, ahhhhh to be young again!
I had a hard time sleeping, almost got up to take something. H must have noticed because he rolled over and started rubbing my back/neck. Finally fell asleep and glad that day is over... now on to the day he actually moved out to be with OW :-( rough days.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
