I apologize if I came across as a "know it all" as that was not my intention. I have certainly put my foot in my mouth a few times as of late. But hey, at least I have a nice pedi:-)
Actually, I am a chronic underachiever career wise. I can relate to that feeling of wondering what my "worth" is. So please realize that much of what you posted resonates with me and probably many others. I was just suggesting that you not, even if it is subconsciously, rely on Smoky to take care of you. I certainly respect and agree you should get what is rightfully yours. However, the reality is that no matter what you get in the settlement, it won't compensate for the fact that you are 100% for your D12. Unless of course her dad has a dramatic turnaround.
Heather, I don't have it all figured out-not by a long shot. I've just had to take care of myself from a very early age. And I know that while I'm grateful for the various experiences, it has shaped who I am. And it's not all good. I let many, many opportunities pass me by because I was afraid of being rejected and afraid that I would look ridiculous. Basically mental sabotage-so I stayed where I was for too long and had a difficult time moving ahead. I was just suggesting that you not wait for someone to see what you are worth and to know that you are capable of taking care of yourself and D.
Hope you had a nice weekend. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
When I got to New York, I was all about believing in miracles and trusting God. After the last 6 months, I see myself allowing my frustration and whatever color my optimism.
D12 has been hugely optimistic lately, as spring comes to Tug Hill.
She found a house in our little town...an old victorian. She did some digging with her tutor and even called the realtor! Apparently, the house was abandoned and the pipes burst. My kid is obsessed...as a spectrum kid often gets...She loves this house.
Anyway, I catch myself ruining her fun. She keeps saying, "Mom, I'm just dreaming, relax."
I need to allow her to dream. I need to dream. That's how I got this far. I allowed myself to imagine the possibilities.
I gotta stop ruining it for her. I need to believe again. I think I'm just so tired. I can't imagine having time for the good stuff.
But!! I reached out a book publisher. Small press in upstate NY.
She got back to me. IT was a total fluke. She said she is looking for books right now...young adult books on being a special needs kid...sorta Judy Blum-ish. HMMMM...Can I allow myself to dream this big? Can I believe I deserve something this good? That's where it's at.
The house, the idea of writing books, having a life where I'm actually a conqueror, not a victim. Gotta get used to it. Gotta take action toward it.
I may go back to visualizing the life I want daily.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Dreams are important, while you may not write them down and plan for every single minute step along the way like my h used to want me to do.
A five year second by second plan, I resisted as I knew he would hold me 100% accountable if I missed a step and it would give him more ammunition to fire at me.
I had a list of 150 things I wanted to do. I wrote them then never really looked at the, again. It's suprising how many things and places, I went and did. All without refearing back to the list.
There are a few h knew I had told him and yet he refused in many ways to allow them to come true. He constantly waved those as carrots next time, next year.
Just look at things in the light of what if? Then later y might decide what if doesn't work, so then let it go.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Received another directive this week addressed to the crowd of editors over me instructing me on deadlines and so forth...without a single mention on the number of stories I've written or other improvements...although I consistently receive positive feedback in the community. IDK.
Feeling a bit lost. Where do I fit?
Then, there was a Facebook post where someone misconstrued something in the paper and I clarified. Received an IM from my superior to handle such disputes in private chat...although I was appropriate and set the record straight. Feel as if my every move is watched. Is it me? Maybe I attract this dischord.
Found a company where I want to try my resume. Continue to "run into" children's book authors.
Havn a hard time believing today that I'm headed in the right direction. Momentary lapse of faith.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Six months and still haven't been officially hired by this company. Realized this week they have gone forward with the other publication without any explanation or clarification for me in regards to the fact they hired me to edit. The company seems to thrive in back room decisions. Thought about how I don't see any other female editors of newspapers in the mix. I may be the only one with the exception of a Sunday editor.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Momentary is a good way to put it. What it sounds like? It sounds like they don't know how to handle employees for high performance teams. That's not uncommon, Heather. A good way to look at it may be, "Every two weeks, my boss and company are even - I work, they pay me for services."
A "fit" may be elusive there. Sometimes we get lucky and find a good "fit" and others, we just find a "job". Nothing wrong with either, but the latter just indicates we may need to be ready to look around, albeit more judiciously than when we had no j-o-b.
Keep perspective, Heather. It's a good thing to have a job and puts you in a much better place to be looking. You, as a professional, should be looking and networking all the time. As much as breathing, it's a lifeline to being successful.
To me, that's the real work. I work at a job all the time, but the real work is advancing my career.
As for the stress? It means you're taking it too personally. Something to consider is to reframe how you approach it. For instance, "I don't have problems or challenges. My company has problems and challenges and I'm here to help solve them." That's almost a clinical approach to the job and how doctors have to deal with their reality in many situations so they don't get overwhelmed by emotion and pain.
Network your a** off, Heather. Learn to reframe the perspective of the work you're doing and to gain an understanding of how it fits into your life. That'll help to see if it's a "fit" or not for you personally. If it's not, you may have to find something else.
Whatever you do, don't let your occupation become your source of self-worth or worse, your identity. That's the ruin of many a poor soul.
What kinds of ideas for children's books do you have mind?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I'm glad to see that the community consistently gives you positive feedback, however, the people that need to be doing so are your employers. Your employers apparently still have some concerns about your performance, i.e., deadlines, etc. Are you missing deadlines? It's not the number of stories that you produce, but how well written they are, do they address the areas where your employers want you to write about, has your error rate gone down, are you missing timelines, etc. This is what is important right now...your employers.
Your employers are observing you and your performance until they are absolutely certain you are going to be a good "fit" for their organization. Hence the probation has been extended from a few months to now 6 months. I think it's time to address this because if they continue to have you on probation, then it makes it easier for them to fire you or anyone else that is the same boat. Have they given any indication that they are looking for someone to come in and do some of the work? It could be that they are keeping you on probation until they find someone who can be they "all" in all areas and then they'll give you the pink slip. You don't know what they are thinking...but it's time to find out about this probation situation. It smells to me.
Much of what you've been dealing w/happens in the real world and I think it's been an adjustment for you because you've been use to being your own boss. Yes, I do think that in some of the instances, they've gone about things in a very strange way, but I also think that maybe you are being sensitive to their criticisms and I do understand why because of what you've been through. Take the criticisms and turn them into positives. Listen to what they are saying and please try not to take them personally because it's not a personal issue, but a "business" performance issue.
Your superiors know you can do the work, but they are having a difficult time finding the right key to unlock your potential. You've got to help them understand YOU and how YOU see the world and hopefully both parties can find a common denominator on how to tap into your potential. There is always room for improvement for all concerned.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with ajm sentiment here. Sometimes you have a career and a long term fit and sometimes you have just a job. Right now you have just a job.
A square peg will never fit in a round hole.
Just keep doing your best. Keep trying to meet and exceed their expectations but use this job as stepping stone for yourself. It already is becoming that for you and leading you to bump into all these children book authors. Try to set aside 2-3 hours a week to work on your next steps.
Go slow and enjoy the ride.
This is the journey. This is the good stuff.
Btw - my boss recently told me I needed to soul search my slopping paperwork. Kind of hysterical in retrospect but at the moment it was nasty and mean. I just nodded and agreed with her and kept on doing my thang. I stand behind my work and I'm not going to let someones intimidatation of me drag me down. It's more a reflection of them then it is of me. If you think your reply to the costumer was consistent with who you are as a human being - I would nod and agree with the bosses but I wouldn't take their critisism to heart there are many ways to handle every situation and the only reason there way is the right way is cause they are the boss. Just do it their way from now on. - or atleast until you use this stepping stone to get another job
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Have to agree with AJM as well. As someone who has returned to work full time after 20 years I try to stay focused on the job and not take anything personally. They hired me to do a job. It's a paycheck and after I pay my dues for a year or two then I can collect some favors I've built up by being exactly who they need me to be. Sounds harsh but that's the way it works.
You can do all sorts of great things but if you don't please the boss it just doesn't matter. it is all about perception. As for the emails and IM's I think you have to get used to it. That is how the business world operates. Personal interaction is diluted.
Hang in there! You can do this but it will take focus. You can do this.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
