It reads: "The Castle of Aaaaarggghh"

[LoisB]

...He must have died while carving it.

Goals:
1. Use this job as a stepping stone to something else even better.
2. Put my finances in order so I feel some peace, serenity and pride where money is concerned.
3. Help get D12 back on a level playing ground with everyone else her age (socially, academically, emotionally)
4. Continue to rise above the past 3 years in a way that works for me--rise above in a manner that makes my life fairly awesome and much, much better than what I left.
5. Create a sound support system of 5 close friends here and in Ohio.

Soooo, the publisher sent me an email yesterday saying he was pleased with the last issue. Sent it with a cc to all the muckity-mucks and human resources. Now, just have to do it again...and again. Trying to focus on the next right thing. :-)

[LoisB]

Old Thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2543263&page=1

[job]

I knew you could do it and so did they! Now, you've figured out what they are looking for, which was the hardest part, you will be able to continue to write some great articles. Keep that email so that you can refer back to it whenever you feel a bit frustrated.

[LoisB]

Ok.

I could use some legal advice from those who know more than I...

I have a hearing in Ohio mid-March.

Honestly, I do not want to break my momentum at work and stop, go to Ohio, get distracted, etc...

I'm finally reclaiming some of what I lost when I arrived in N.Y. and I allowed Matt to rock my world again.

So, what can I do?

I've been considering firing my attorney. I know that it will mean starting over with someone else.

However, I feel angry that I'm paying this guy thousands of dollars to receive what I could have received without his help.

Is there a way to postpone these things?

I filed. Matt counterfiled.

How could I buy like 3 months time to regroup and figure out what's next?

Child support is finally in place. I haven't received it yet...but, Matt told D12 that child support took money from his paycheck yesterday.

It was kinda funny...he has been texting her regularly...something new for him. I haven't heard a thing, but he's contacting her almost daily. He sends her this text "Don't give M (our dog) Beneful because of the warnings, etc..."

D12 responds, "No worries, we can't afford Beneful."

Matt: Well, that's good.

D12: Is it? Really?

Matt: Child support is taking money from this paycheck.

Anyway. I've made it clear to my atty how I feel about his performance and I've declared my rage that my child is going without when my drug-addicted, adulterous husband is still living the life.

I just want all of this to go on a shelf. I, honestly, wish I hadn't filed. It was too much to ask of myself. I get where I was coming from...No regrets.

But, I just want to focus on work, catching up on my bills and D12.

[job]

Heather,
This is only my opinion and what I would do if I were in your situation. I would go to the hearing and get it over with. There will never be a convenient time to schedule a hearing that meets your time frame. The paper will always have deadlines. I would advise your supervisor that you will need to return to Ohio for a few days, but I would also let him know that you will continue to work on your articles while you are away. Yes, you can do this because you will have a laptop and you will not be in court all of the time.

You've come too far to now put the skids on this. It's time to get this over and done with. As for firing your attorney, I wouldn't do it because you do not know everything as to what he's been doing. Did you ever get a response to your email? Did you request that he send you an itemized listing of what he's done, hours, and amount? Just because he's not done everything that you expected him to do, doesn't mean he hasn't been doing the work. Legal work takes a lot of time and when it comes to dealing with the judicial system, things really do get bogged down. Not everything can be done w/a snap of the finger and when we think that they should be done. BTDT and trust me...even a simple divorce takes a lot of time, especially if there is a home, assets and children involved. Don't do anything rash just because you are frustrated. You have to think this thru before running off that short pier and falling into the river. Another thing, he's not going to do the work unless he's getting paid. If you've not paid him, the work will cease until you do because they want to ensure that they are paid, as well as their staff.

Again, I would go to the hearing. I would want this over and done with so that I could move on w/my life and not have to deal w/Matt any longer. It's time to start your new life w/o him being a ball and chain around your waist. However, this is only my opinion.

[bdub]

I am not an attorney and I did not stay at a Holiday Inn express, but I would look into this: I have seen many court dates postponed in Ohio because one of the parties involved switched cousel. I do not know about the timing or logisitics and I certainly would suggest getting additional input.

In fact I was subpeoned late in 2013 to testify in a civil hearing and the defendant switched attorneys 3 times and the hearing still has not happened.

[job]

In my case, my xh switched lawyers two months prior to the hearing, but it didn't stop and/or postpone the hearing at all and he was the one that filed. We moved forward in spite of the lawyer switcheroo.

[LoisB]

Could I use my probation on my job and my lack of child support as a reason for the delay?

It seems a little unrealistic for the courts to expect me to even afford to travel to Ohio--leave my job--when I am still waiting on money and my job is on the line. I do have the letter that states the toll this divorce has taken on me professionally. Do I use it?

I just need a little time.

Honestly, part of me is excited to be rid of Matt...Another part knows I will get worked up about going back...I will feel full of anxiety...It will sway my attention--again.

I really wish I hadn't filed. I need to let it go. But, I wish I had trusted my instincts.

Job, I hear what you are saying. I know this attorney has done a fair amount of work. Still, I don't think he has focused on the things that would get me what I asked for. I think he has been on the defensive.

My instincts tell me that the deal I will get...will be what I could've gotten with legal aid.

And, there's nothing stopping me from taking all these reams of legal crappola to legal aid in N.Y.

So far, in terms of a fair fight, this hasn't been one and it pi$$es me off to no end. This has been wayyyy too easy for Matt.

I have nothing to gain at this point.

I go to Ohio for this hearing...unless Matt's atty sends the proposal he has promised-still, even if he does--chances are I won't get spousal support and D20 won't get her tuition reimbursed...I still won't be able pay back my dad...I get to hear whether or not we are going to trial. I will be punished for not attending mediation.

I hate...HATE...that I've spent thousands of dollars for this crapy deal.

I'd feel better getting the same with a Legal Aid atty.

I'm going to see if I can postpone the hearing.

I'm going to talk to Legal Aid in N.Y.

I may talk to a few attorneys in N.Y. who don't charge for consultation.

I still feel that my case, with the right attorney to fight his good attorney...should get decent spousal support, 50 percent of retirement and a lump of the money he spent from his retirement...not to mention the possibility of some reimbursement for D20's tuition.

I may be wrong. But, this just seems too unfair after everything we've been through. I need to fight harder and in my best frame of mind. Otherwise, I'm going to continue to feel like a victim.

He admitted to emotional cruelty and abandonment. ADMITTED. So, how am I not getting spousal support after 24 years of marriage? Bad attorney. That's how.

[LoisB]

I'm sending an email to my atty to ask about the options with the hearing. If it's possible to postpone.

Should I mention that I'm considering hiring a NY attorney? Or do I keep this to myself?

I did ask for an itemized bill.

[job]

Are you still on probation? If not, you can't use that as an excuse to postpone this hearing. Yes, the courts do expect you to travel and they don't care how you do it. People travel all over the world to return for hearings. I think your problem is that you don't want to deal w/it, but Heather, you are going to have to deal w/it at some point, especially if you are subpoenaed to appear (which could happen if Matt opts to push and then decides to take over and file again if you drop the case.) If you are subpoenaed, you will have no choice but to go or face jail time or a stiff fine for contempt of court in not showing up. So, yes, the court does expect you to appear on said date unless there is a reasonable postponement request.

You state that you need a little time. How much time do you need? You've been dealing w/this for almost a year now. Again, I think you don't want to deal w/it and would like for it to take place while you are safely tucked away in NY. It's not going to work that way. I do believe that if you spoke to your supervisor and advised him that you'll need to be away for a couple of days because of this hearing, there would be no problem. They see this kind of stuff all of the time. I also think they would be happy to hear that you are finally going to get this taken care of so that you can put your focus on your job w/o being distracted.

Now, on to what matters in the way of money:

You should get 50% of his retirement for the time you were married. If he worked and paid into social security, you are entitled to social security when you reach, I think 66, if you are still single (I think). You are still entitled to the social security even if he remarries. If he dies, you are entitled to survivor benefits as well. The social security is a given and you don't have to fight for that. You will need a copy of your marriage license and divorce decree to get that when you are old enough.

As for the retirement, you have two choices, lump sum payment now or upon his retirement it is set up that you get a monthly stipend. You are entitled to this as his wife and having been married for quite some time. I wouldn't give this up. I would also fight for your share of the retirement he withdrew and spent on himself. Do you still have proof of this?

Heather, give it up...you aren't going to get the $2,500 for your daughter's tuition. You didn't have anything in place legally that stated he was to help pay for her college. Your daughter is an adult now and he's not obligated to pay her tuition. This is a moot point...move on to more important matters, i.e., such as your portion of his retirement.

As for spousal support, I seriously doubt that you'll get that...but again, it's worth looking into. You are working now and the court will look upon your employment and see that you are making a good salary and might knock that out of the court room. Again, look into it, but I will be surprised if you get it. Bad attorney? I don't think so...didn't the court rule against the spousal support? The attorney can only do so much, especially if the court rules otherwise.

We all have had to pay thousands of dollars for divorces. I paid well over $8,000 just to get the nut to sign off on a legal separation, as well as other costs directly related to the divorce. Divorce is costly and it's not the easiest thing in the world to get thru.

I gave you my honest opinion of what I would do and what I think you can get. We've beat this discussion to death a month or so ago on the same topics. Go back and re-read the opinions of the posters...but the bottom line is this...do the homework and educate yourself before you do something you'll regret later on. Just remember, the longer you put things off, the more stuff piles up and you know how you get when this happens.

Bottom line...this is something you need to decide to do. We all have opinions about what you should do...but you are the only one that can decide what is best for you.

Good luck!