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2BHappy Offline OP
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At the start of this,,,H was sleeping on couch all night, not coming to our bed until I was getting up to get ready for my day.

One of my goals was to have him back sleeping in our bed with me, H works 2nd shift so he does not come to bed until 1 or 2am, after a couple of solids months of him sleeping with me in our bed I decided to kiss him bye when leaving for work, he is mostly sleep but says bye after I kiss him,,

What I want to know is , is this pursuit and something that may be hurtful as H goes thru his "whatever"?


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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Happy,
If your h doesn't pull away or indicate that he's not happy w/the kiss in the morning, then I would continue to do it. Can I assume it's something you've always done? If he's not happy w/you doing it, he will indicate it either by flinching or making sure you can't do it by either pulling away, pulling the sheet over his head, etc.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Happy,
You can always do a little bit of lab work and see if he reacts differently if you don't kiss him in the morning. Sometimes you have to change things up just a wee bit to see if they notice. If you are trying to try this experiment, you'll need to do it when the two of you aren't having disagreements/heated discussions. You don't want to come off as "punishing" him or getting even w/him because he didn't do something that you were expecting.

Do what works and when something isn't working, try something else.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Good morning, see ya later kisses are something I've always done. I stopped when H started sleeping in basement, when he came back to our bed I did not start right back...

About the start of this year I started back giving H kisses as I left for work. H does not flinch or pull away. H has also started back giving me kisses when he leaves for work (on the days Im home when he leaves, weekends or a day Im off since he works 2nd shift)

I have noticed that IF I'm rushing and I forget to kiss him, he calls me ALOT more that day before he goes to work or talks longer etc...like he is seeing if everything is ok or to make sure I'm not upset with him.

I also noticed (since BD but after the fog lifted a teeny teeny tiny bit, like on the days he is not totally in the tunnel) that if my mood is a lil off, H is super worried that I'm upset with him?

SO I will continue to kiss him "see ya later".


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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SO I think, that H may be taking some of his frustrations out on s14? Now s14 is a typical teenage boy with the mouth and attitude etc,,when H is home with us on the weekends or his 1 day off it seems like every lil thing s14 does irrates H, and he fussing at him all that time, about everything, grades, room, clothes, food, cleaning, comments,,like everything.

H mention to me that he dreads H day off, cause he is going to complain and fuss, and he also said we tag team him...

I'm going to mention it to H today in a non confrontational way,,

H may not be aware of it, so Im going to bring it up as an FYI.

I did tell s14, that I will work on how I communicate with him and I told him his dad and I are parents who work together and make decisions together for him with love and care, and that anything we tell him if with love but we could communicate it in a better way so he does not feel attacked.

Back to H and how he talks to s14, it seems like maybe since Im very netural and dont bring up any R subjects and I dont argue or fuss with H, its like he has started to nit pit s14 even more?

If H and I start to talk and he seems agigtated, I just stop and go on to something else...before I use to argue my point until forever, now I dont until H is in a better mood to talk...

H is miserable and I need to address this ASAP, to stop him from hounding s14 ALLLL THE TIME.

Might not be the best plan, but I want to at least call it to H attention,,,


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
AND I was doing this a lil myself with my held in frustrations and after it was called to my attention I was able to reconginze and stop it, or greatly reduce it.

I now tell S14 if I need a mintue to talk to him and or address something, I stop myself to make sure my emotions are not wrongly directed at s14. And when I'm wrong I apologize to s14 and tell him I was dealing with something else ,,,


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
Update:

Had a quick convo with H. H did not totally agree, and some things he responded with I agreed with.

I said what I felt was needed, H listend. It's done. I have no plans to bring it up again.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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Happy,
Sometimes you have to point out the behavior. Once you've done this, then you need to leave it alone, i.e., just as you have stated...you aren't bringing it up again.

So, what are your plans for the weekend?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Apr 2014
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Weekend was GREAT. I GAL like crazy with my Mom & my BFF and some crazy ladies.
Wine and Paiting (my artwork has been hung in my living room)
Live cover Band concert
Pedi
Basketball game at local Pub
Dinner 2X
Shopping (2 days)

It was my bday weekend, H got me a very nice card, money, cake, and took s14 and I out to eat.

I'm TIRED but had tons of FUN. AND I found time to clean out some old clothes for donation.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Wow! What a busy weekend! I'm glad you had fun and even found time to clean out some old clothes for donation. Happy, you are doing great!

How is your son doing these days?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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