thanks Rppfl and thanks for checking in on my sitch, not a good couple of days. Just can't see an end to this. W has backed herself into a corner in all different ways, I know I shouldn't be whining because I am so lucky compared to others but here goes anyway.
W has not enough money to live, W works part time and won't get another job.
W has OM, who she is denying is anything but a friend but my 4 kids despise him for various reasons so W will find it very hard (inpossible) to ever annouce him into their lives and keep any relationship with her 2 S's and D10. D14 might get over it but who knows.
W is not coping with her choices re leaving kids and home and her health is suffering. Because of how she left, it would be very hard for her to have kids stay with her, (only D14 goes there now ) even in the long term so her mental state won't be improving anytime soon.
the marraige is over and due to OM a friendship going forward between Rd and W will be very hard.
How does Rd move forward, if Rd sells family home and splits profits with W, then W will have no access to Rd's new home. Kids won't go to Ws home, W can't afford to take them out, so by selling home Rd would be stopping W seeing her kids. At the moment W collects kids from school 3 days a week and stays with them and cooks thier dinner. On wednesdays W stays the night. W has access to the house at all times, she does own 1/2.
I don't want to stop the kids seeing W but at the moment it's almost impossible to get through a day without the constant physical contact with W. Is there a point where Rd comes before kids, I don't see how there can be or atleast not until D10 turns 18.
Sorry it hasn't been the best couple of days. Sometimes it's just hard to see how things will work out and we'll find happiness - either together or apart!
FWIW, I don't see a decision to sell the house as stopping your W and kids from having a relationship. I think you may be taking on too much responsibility there! It may feel like that, given present circumstances, but who knows how things will look 3,6,12 months from now. OM may be long gone, and your W may buy a suitable home with her part of the funds if you sold your house, and the kids may be happy to go stay there.
Ultimately, in these situations, I think BS's are right to encourage positive contact between kids and WAS's. But, IMHO, that doesn't extend to putting your own life on hold. Ultimately, your W's relationship with her kids is hers to 'own.'
Also RD, if you sold this house and bought another, you may still welcome your W there. Equally, you may have a lovely new GF. Now, she's not going to want W visiting every Wed eve is she? I guess, all I'm saying is that things will change at some point RD and you'll know what is the right thing to do my friend. ((((RD))))) - and a cheeky x for you.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
thanks Toots, really nice post. Really struggling with this at the moment, I think W will carry on like this until she has a breakdown or something. There seems to be no reality in her world. I'm not talking about her world as regards M or kids but in her whole world. Her sister is coming over on Friday, W called me to ask is it ok for SIL to get bus from airport to our town and then walk the 3 miles from town to my home. W said she had considered taking the afternoon off but she would lose a 1/2 days pay which is 30 euro. W says this to me in a , poor me, way. Her sister is coming over because W was talking suicide two weeks ago and W has been calling her saying that she can't go on, etc. W is still denyiny OM, even to SIL, who is very close to W.
As I say, the roller coaster has to stop but how do I get off without making W worse ? I know I'm not responsible for W anymore but at the same time I don't think W is completly stable
thanks again Toots, I did look at your sitch this am and your L seems on the ball. After the positives of last week I am hoping your H is coming to his senses and he will give you more options on your future.
Yes, I didn't get that either. Poor woman will probably arrive footsore, wheeling her case, and desperate for a cup of tea....
I hope her visit goes well though RD, and that you're generally doing okay. Will you and the family see much of SIL whilst she's here? Is she staying with your W?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I saw that as an attempt to get RD to offer to go pick up SIL. W says she can't go, poor me, SIL will have to walk 3 miles, poor SIL. Too bad RD doesn't have any fresh ideas to bail us out.
Hi Rppfl, Toots and Vanillia. All of you are right. W was hinting but SIL and I always got on. SIL is great. beautiful, tall , slim , she's teachs challenged children and is a really nice person. W called me this am and we talked for about 1/2 hour about kids and her work. Last night was tough with D14 and I had to put my foot down D14 was ok this morning and W was saying she knows that all the kids are affected but D14 is playing up a bit , I agreed but said the D14 was a teenager as all. W then said shis was hard for all of us and I answered it is was it is and we just have to get on with it. W then asked if I had spoken to SIL and I said I have and had arranged with SIL to collect her. W seem surprised by t was greatful I collected SIL and she is a real lady and I took her home to the three youngest kids , made her lunch and the five of us had a good afternoon Lots of chat , laughter and catch up. It's funny because I felt closer to SIL than I do to W. She was warm ,caring and really seemed to care. W came home after work for about an hour and then left with SIL Before SIL left she hugged us all and my two D"s wouldn't let her go It really brought home to me how much W has changed W and SIL taking D"s shopping tomorrow and they are looking forward to it.
KFC and underworld 3 film tonight with S16 and two D's Pictures on Sunday with lady friend but that's my GAL total.
Great to see SIL but sad that I'm not really going to be in that family much anymore and OM might. Tough but that's life
Glad SIL's visit's going well RD, and glad she didn't arrive at your house sodden, wheeling her case with a broken heel after a long hike. (I do think your W should have picked her up though....don't think she's thinking straight.)
Who knows RD, maybe SIL will talk a bit of sense to W. But as we all know WAS's only come out of their fog when they're ready and 'reason' may not get through right now. Still, what happens now may well pave the way for a future shift.
Glad your kids are enjoying the visit too - Did you mention 'lady friend' RD?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
