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Ggrass #2542924 02/27/15 03:24 PM
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In many ways to become something new means to leave the remains of who we were.

In my case I hang on to my life until I am ready to become and move into the new.

Gg, I see a wonderful person trying to rationalise what can not be rationalised. To understand what may never be understood.

H is in your past, Gg you are your own future. To move into the future then the past must be gone. I wished I had a wand which could create that world for you.

Your H is gone, please let go off the pain and damage H caused. Wish him well of his narc and let him go with it. Unless H awakes, and have hope he may, then Gg a new path opens for Gg.

Your IC is an excellent route for you.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 02/27/15 03:24 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2543100 02/27/15 10:11 PM
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I'm looking at the sitch just because of the tv show and the whole nvc.

In a way it was my choice to stay, as I thought the rewards were worth it. Really a very jackel thing.

I put up with the rubbish, because h used to dangle just enough carrot. Just enough.
It was my patterns of behaivours and what I would tolerate with excuses was why what happened happened.

H expected me to fill his narc type needs, which I did, by using punishments and the very occasional carrot.

It me trying to understand how to change the future. What I specifically did, how I was which begot the whole mess. That's excatly the point, what I did, what I do.

H stuff I was saying to someone last night his script of what happened with his w1 and was exactly the same, excatly. Trust me even down to the words h uses.

He considers people used up. Dirty and empty shells.
Now, I dint want to be caught up in at again.
I wasn't a total jackel, but I'm pretty sure I'm very close at times.

H saw judgmental statements as a problem, but h too was very judgemental.
I was always looking to find out what was going on and fix needs, but h voiced needs as jackel.

You don't love me because you spend time doing xyz.
Which was anything h didn't think you should do.
I was expected to give up those things, instantly (control) to prove my worth thus be provided with a crumb.
We might go to dinner with h paying. Thus h then kept score I went to dinner therefore you should..,.......
It became a big cycle.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Ggrass #2543118 02/27/15 11:03 PM
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Hi gg

So what do *you* want to have come out are you looking to understand yourself more? I ask because after my first hope f ic which was a quick fix rapidly faded that was my next call and the one that put so much into focus on both the m and my issues relating to s. Its the one point I can honestly say I realised how long these issues had been forming for *me* as opposed to w.

It sounds to me like you're making some excellent insights just wondering if you are reconsidering r or still think your direction is elsewhere after you've found some more about yourself?

As always you can tell me if I'm being too nosey smile


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
edz #2543122 02/27/15 11:14 PM
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Hi gg

You may have already been told about this but its relevant.

There was a lab experiment with two sets of rats. Both sets were taught that you press a button to get food. Group A got good every time they pressed the button. Group B only randomly. One day they switched off the food and put it elsewhere in the maze. Group A quickly learned that it stopped working and went elsewhere, group B kept on pressing the button expecting the next push to give food which it never did.

Actually it reminds of a book about change called 'who moved my cheese? (Calm vanilla and edz, metaphorical cheese)

Any way occasional scraps of love and affection which we got used to rather puts many if us firmly in group B.

The NVC stuff is really interesting - I need to watch more.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2543125 02/27/15 11:35 PM
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Yup, group b ratty here. Kept hitting that button kept waiting, got the odd crumb here and then but mostly just wasn't wanted.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
edz #2543180 02/28/15 04:01 AM
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Posts: 2,118
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Yeap, group b rat! You bet. Cute dudes nice basically friendly but I think the no is a tell.

Feels like a nice friend to have, anything else we shall see.

The bloke boss rang up about came in today, it was fun bit of work repoir going on. Get to work with him tomorrow.

Yeah, it's about understanding me my reasoning and not h. From the point of view of my contributions. I want to not be like my friend who her h was abusive and the a was in a way too. She seems to be signing up for another round of cheeseeless tunnel, with new bf.

I do not want that to be me.

I tryed to be far to understanding and excuse making for h for far too long. Tbh.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Ggrass #2543459 03/01/15 09:45 AM
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Morning gg, how goes it?


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
edz #2543463 03/01/15 10:17 AM
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Ok, worked with x kind of cute. Have some stuff in common. Seems he's a bit of a bush type. Boss was like so cute huh? So no expectations something might come out.

No date, which is ok.
Did my food for this week coming. Need to get some washing on.

The lamb got treated for lice, this poor lambie hides in the shed from the rain! He's a very soft sheep, he got crutched and wigged (which is wool round bottom trimmed to stop poo catching in the wool and trimmed round the eyes so he can see) he sat very still for shearing but was most put out by being drenched in very smelly water.
It should make him less itchy, which he will appreciate.

Oh bumped into the cute dude and yeah, he bolted for the hills. Feels like friend zoned to me. Which is ok.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Ggrass #2543483 03/01/15 12:37 PM
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'x kind of cute'

I think I've lost track, but with your bush type reference we are straight back to crocodile dundee

Friend zone is ok, more friends are good, and friends of friends can lead you to all kinds of good things.

besides you'll make edz jealous, and he'll start talking about his girth again wink


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2543486 03/01/15 12:45 PM
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Not sure what to say to discussions on my girth that won't get me in trouble, chance would be a fine thing!

Nah gg keeps standing me up on dinner invites, excuses like its 10,000 miles and dinner would be cold, mere trivial things like that wink


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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