Continuing DBing

[sandi2]

And she's so good at lying I wouldn't have know about contact had I not seen that cell phone roaming charge.

How did you see it? Do you pay the bill?

[PeterV2]

I do the bill paying now for the RH and when the cell bill came in it looked high so I was just perusing the bill when I saw the roaming charge calls while she was in FL and his cell number was listed - a 15 minute convo. That's all I saw. It blew me away. I freaked out, but she was in Cancun at the time on her girls retreat. Took me 2 weeks even to bring it up to her although I didn't specify how I knew - just that I knew she was in contact with him and she admitted it. She has no idea about the cell phone bill.

[sandi2]

Can you get a detailed billing that shows the numbers going in and out? Is the bill addressed to you, or does she see it before it gets to you?

[PeterV2]

It gets mailed to the RH, but as I'm paying the bills nowadays I see it. I'll see if I can get amore detailed bill.

[PeterV2]

Question I have is about asking for her to send the NC letter. Has anyone done that and how?

[Starsky309]

You don't ask, you tell.

[Wonka]

Peter,

Second to Starsky....just tell it straight to W.

Here's a sample NC letter I found from another site:

Dear Other Person,

The relationship I had with you was thoughtless and selfish. It hurt many people, particularly my spouse, who did not deserve to be treated that way. I am committed to my marriage and determined to rebuild after all the hurt I’ve caused my family. I am going to work hard to be the husband/wife that he/she deserves.

Because of the terrible offense to my spouse and the damage I have done to both our marriage and our family, I am permanently ending all contact with you. Please respect my wish to regain my integrity and to heal my family. Please also respect my wish and do not attempt to contact me in any way at any time.

My spouse has all the details of our relationship and he/she will also be told of any attempts at contact.

Sincerely,

Disloyal Spouse

[PeterV2]

I had printed out that NC letter and had it in my back pocket. Sat down to talk to W about NC with OM. Didn't go well. She doesn't want to hear about me needing assurance of NC. She just wants to focus on her daughter's upcoming wedding. She wants space to find herself and enjoy this upcoming event. She says I'm just pressuring and nagging and trying to get my way for every possible angle. She accused me of on-line trolling for women again. I told her again it was just one week in Jan 2014 while she was sleeping with the OM. She got extremely stressed and weepy. I said many people keep telling me just to divorce my W, but I'm choosing to try to save the M. She said, maybe I should just divorce her then. I said that's not what I want.

All in all a big ball of stress and she left to go shopping with her daughter for the wedding.

Called my MC and tried to resolve my fray emotions.

Ended up deciding that for the sake of our daughter I won't do anything to sabotage her wedding. I want her wedding to be a joyous event and don't want a messy divorce of her mother to interfere with that - and it certainly would. So this is the text I sent my W:

D & F's wedding is really important to me too. I want their day to be filled with happiness and hope. I want the whole process leading up to that happy day to be joyful and fulfilling for everyone, especially you. I know how important it is to you and share your excitement.
So for the next five months I will not discuss our relationship or apply any pressure to discuss it. Truce. I will be civil and loving and respectful.
During that time it would be greatly helpful to me for you to stick to the no contact position you agreed to and although I have no way of confirming I will just trust you to stick with it.
So I will not mention that again.
Have a fun day with the kids and give them my love.
Peter

Haven't heard any response yet.
I'll just have to detach and GAL. Welcome to continuing limbo. :p

[Starsky309]

Ok. Thanks for the update, Peter.

[PeterV2]

She didn't respond but I know she read it. She's being civil and friendly & calling & texting me. I'm sticking to my plan and will do so for the next 5 months.

She was out all day today shopping for the wedding with her D27.

When she got home she was bushed and went to bed.

I'm doing the overnight at the RH tonight because my reg overnight staff will be doing this Sat night as I'll be playing a gig with my band. W is probably not coming to the gig. More shopping planned.

I'm going to Toronto for a business meeting on Wed overnight to Thurs. W asked if she could come. I said sure if she wanted. But I think she's just testing me. I should have said it wouldn't be a good idea - I'll be in meetings all day, but I'm not about to start excluding her. I know what that feels like, as she does it to me and I don't like it. No tit for tat.