STBX took SND20 and I to the bus station. The last half of the trip I lost it. Cried like a baby in front of her! I'm not coming back to Tx until she leaves for Mt.
I thought I was more detached, but the emotions of saying goodbye for the last time was too much. I may not see her again in my lifetime, it was like a funeral!
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Tears are the renewal of life Tears release the hurt and pain Tears are dew of the morning light Tears are the expression of the hurt In your heart Tears are not blood Tears make the wound drain Tears are not shallow Tears are the sign of the mellow In your mind Tears will bring laughter Tears will bring rain Tears ease the drought Tears cleanse the path In your future
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 02/25/1512:23 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
We are all telling you the truth...life does get better. Embrace your loved ones, and hold your head high. Be in the present. Laugh & Love hard, and often.
You are just around the corner from a better, happier life. Have faith.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
SND20 and I are on our second day of the bus trip fiasco with one more day to go. The trip will take twice as long as planned, so we are short on sleep and also sad to see the condition of people who are riding these busses. I gave four different people food yesterday and could have helped many more. I gave to the ones that weren't feeling well because they hadn't eaten all day. One guy had only water for two days.
This put into perspective what some people buy for themselves and still are not satisfied when these people are thankful for just a bite to eat. I made several FB posts pertaining to some of the funny things and some of the sad things that happened on the trip.
I thank God I have my SND20 with me though, because riding the bus has not been a place to GAL. Still feels like a funeral yesterday and I recevied a couple more emails with PDFs to print and sign for the divorce. This is my third divorce and I feel very embarrassed. Although two are to the same women.
I have been contacted by people from all over my home state that want to see me. I'm very excited but also nervous because only a couple know about the pending D. But the good out ways the bad and will deflect and refrain from any long conversations.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Being around my mom and brothers has helped my PMA the last two days. We have had a lot of laughs! We have plans to go to my sisters tomorrow night for dinner and watch a movie.
I broke down twice today. I tried filling out the inventory of property form for the divorce and just couldn't do it. STBX had emailed me a form to sign while we were on our 3 day bus trip, I could not open the PDF with my phone, so I used my mom's computer today. One form was to waive my right to be served and waive my right to testimony. I have to find out about waiving the right to testimony, it's on the same form. Does anyone know what that means? I have no problem waiving my right to be served but waiving the right to testimony scares me.
When I saw the petition for divorce and she was changing her name I cried again. Why are emotions so raw now?
I found a letter in my briefcase that STBX wrote to me when she was in the psychiatric hospital in 2013. I read the first sentence and cried again. I don't even remember putting the letter in my briefcase and didn't realize what it was until I opened it and read the first sentence. It was all about how much she loved me and appreciated me.
I took a walk around the block to get out of the house and breathe some of the frigid ND air. I felt stronger emotionally after the walk. I reminded myself I cannot try to make sense out her actions, I'm a kind hearted man, I can make people laugh, I will get in better physical shape and I will get through this. Someday I will be a man the some lady will be lucky to have!
V is right JB....it will happen faster than you think. Life has a way of moving forward whether we want it to or not.
For me as time has passed it has become less and less painful to know my ex is with someone else. I know that he will keep repeating his behaviors he had with me because he has yet to do anything to change them. I certainly do not want to go back to being lonely and neglected in a marriage.
The part I found hardest for a long time was I had no one that I thought about or was attracted to in my life. There was a big void and I felt it. I purposely avoided dating or getting involved for a long time. I did not want to jump into something new as a bandaid. I knew I had to go through the painful journey of reflection and grief in order to prepare my self to be healthy enough to attract a healthy partner.
I was just thinking last week how different it is now to realize I am no longer thinking about my ex. I am now dating someone and it now his texts I look for and I am thinking about him instead of my ex.
You will have sad days....tears are healing. As time moves forward though you will find you will have less and less sad days. You deserve a healthy partner. One that you are not constantly worrying over. Keep reading....keep posting.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
