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edz Offline OP
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Well one good thing so far today. Swimming Tuesday my trunks where let's say baggy and it was the occasional test of my reflexes to prevent some shocked looks in the pool shocked

So just had a rumage and found the pair I stopped wearing in 2007 as I'd reached a point where I was, let's say, padded enough they didnt fit. Or alternatively I'd already become a bit of a porker. Back on again no probs today which puts me the same size I was in 2004/5

Still a pesky 5" to go...gg stop making up your own jokes wink

Oh, yeah I'm back today. smile

Last edited by edz; 02/27/15 10:38 AM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
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Sounds great about the trunks lol.
Had a similar thing when I found an old pair of Adidas trackie bottoms that are a 32 inch waist and they fit yippee .

Just got a bit of a belly to loose .


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
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edz Offline OP
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Now that's showing off matey. At 6'4 my waist should be 35 Max its....er.not! Was a lot bigger and I'm not quite sure how it happened anyway 2/3 of the way back now just got to stay the course.

Busy day again we got s some trunks and off to the pool s was a bit clingy took me a while to realise he was not confident not sure why w says he comes often. After a while got him to talk to me while he swam forward and I swam on my back to keep an eye on him he stopped worrying and soon had done quite a bit of swimming afterward we headed out and had a mooch and a stop in Costa splitting a tea cake and a biscuit for him, tiffin for me.

Back now and hes having a bash on Lego marvel while I have my feet up on him and I check in here. Pizza for tea later..

Last edited by edz; 02/27/15 03:49 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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I would like some cheeeese.

There is a space inside which needs food, but does not, if you know what I mean!

Last few days my exercise and food regime have gone to heavens knows where whilst I deal with the big hole that seems to extend from my heart to my stomach. Throat is dry and a hard lump stuck there. I need some peace and quiet and back to work.

My work schedule mixed up, no focus. Guess we all have days like this though.

I will be back at the gym tonight and tomorrow is boot camp. Hey Ho!

Wish I was on the beach with my picnic, lying in peace, instead of here in pieces.

Life is well life.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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edz Offline OP
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Yup v I know that feeling as you can see from the last few days posts here. I know certain things w is up to that I can't post here or how I know them and thats frustrating but got to be true to what I think is right. None include other people just a huge swing from how w was in our marriage, heyho. I can't change her.

Just playing the waiting game for her to find some time to talk now, she's got an open invitation to come here after s is in bed but of course I dont expect for one second she'll take me up on it nor for her to provide an alternative and nor will or can I chase her, sigh.

Other frustrations have been plaguing me of late too but not much I can do there either. So we do what we do, when s is here its good and I stay focussed on him tomorrow he's back to w so I'm off out for some smaller clothes and bits, fraid nothing exiting in my underwear shopping guys but the ones I have are now waaaayyy too big I'm also pricing up a nice black leather jacket if I can find one I like and some new trousers so I dont wear these jeans into the ground.

If nothing else I'll have my wardrobe updated at least until I need the next size down and then the next and then I'm at goal sounds easy if I say that fast enough.

Plenty of beaches down here v can't promise you'd want a picnic on them in this weather though. Nice resteraunt overlooking the beach though!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Well this afternoon got interesting w emailed me on and off and said can I give s a big hug for her, called her for s to speak to her but we had some issues (I don't use a land line as I dont need one but there seemed some issues) anyway w started bouncing back and forth by email and text.

Decided this had the potential to get into pursuit so just called her and ran through some bits mostly her printer not working, dropping s back tomorrow and other bits.

We got onto r and talking about it, got into a point where w said its just never a good time as s is with me or with her. Said we can resolve that reasonably easily but if she just wants time she should just say (she brought up the talking thing anyway no didnt say that to her).

It wasn't a very cohesive call bounced here and there and I was just left feeling like w just wants out. Surprisingly my current feeling is one of fatigue if shes done why doesn't she just say if she isn't why is she making excuses, s is in bed by 8 she can come here, I can go there, he can stay at friends, gparents. Seems she's again using him as an excuse and thats not fair. Apropos nothing she said she wasn't just going to fade away, asked what she meant and she said now wasn't the time to talk....arghhhhhh

Anyway tried my best to stay in PMA and stfu mode which isn't easy right now. S is going back after 10 tomorrow, originally said 10 as that was w's preferred time but she said she's normally up early and taking some time to get going in the morning.

I'm very confused with what she wants right now, I go dark or as lrt as I can with s and she pings me on texts and emails and I reply and then she shuts down. I'm wary of pushing into pursuit but I get called on her printer and to tell me one of my favourite actors died (Leonard nimoy rip) I'm baffled does she want me to leave her alone or not. Why if she wants to talk is she so keen to put it off, and if she doesn't why bring it up in the first place?

Mmmm mmmm me is puzzled all me is bafflicated

Well s is in bed and I have a bottle of Cabernet rapidly vanishing here. Not helping but at least im relaxed!

Last edited by edz; 02/27/15 09:06 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Hi Edz

Sorry it's been a bit of a tough evening. That's all a bit odd from your W isn't it? Hard to make sense of it, other than she sounds rather conflicted right now. You on the other hand are applying logic (fixing?) - Well, if we want to talk, we can do X or Y. But she isn't taking the bait for some reason.

The 'I'm not going to fade away' comment is interesting too. It's like your W wanted the S, but also wants you to be pretty 'available' - for example to help with IT problems. And you're a nice guy, so you do. (I miss my H's IT skills actually...but gosh I wouldn't ask him for help right now - not unless I was hanging off a cliff and he was the only person walking by - then I might (only might))

I just get the feeling that your W may not want what she's got, but isn't able to take constructive steps forward either. IDK Eds - how much do you think 'thing' may have a bearing here?

The other thing I would mention is that quote from someone about WAS' minds - "It's sure messy in there, and you don't wanna get that stuff on you."

I guess the easy answer is if your W wants to talk, she will push for a specific plan to do that. Until or unless she does, I would keep on keeping on, not worry and make the most of your life.


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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edz Offline OP
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Hi toots

Mr fixit was specifically put away. I suggested them on here but not to w, my only comment to w was if she's not ready just say dont make an excuse I dont need her to. She denied it was just there's never a good time.

Thing could explain a lot and I *wish* I could say what it is but I just can't without hugely violating her privacy.

I know w blames me for not listening to things in the past she has a point but as I've said to her it was more neither of us heard each other, I told her I felt isolated and our intimacy (in both senses of the word) was almost non existent from her refusing to hold hands on up but her single focus was my r with s and my being insular. The link escaped her totally and by bd I was so internalised and isolated that no I wasn't outgoing and I've been totally honest on here that r with s was truly awful.

Anyway, yes you're right I can't do much until she gets past the scheduling,in fact its counter productive for me to as its pursuit. I'll take my lumps,Ill listen to everything and if its a point I can address I'm happy to work on me but if w just wants to tell me why she doesn't want to know I dont know why she's holding off unless she's just worried on my reaction bit after 7 months not sure what she's worried on. As to the not wanting what she's got, again, dunno since she won't talk its truly hugely frustrating.

Hey ho, well see her mood tomorrow. As to asking for help w has a passive mode to it. She won't say hey can you fix my printer just hey my printer isn't working I've been fighting with it. Old he would launch into mr fixit. Today I didn't. This led to a follow up email (prior to the call) asking me outright to look at it for her. On the call I pointed out she only needs to ask.

I'm in full detatch and trying to be relaxed tonight but I honestly don't understand what her goal is (thing excepted) unless she's just worried talking will be it between us and my boundary will mean coparenting only. Without sounding self important she's told me I'm her best friend maybe she's just worried about losing that.

Honestly I just dont know frown


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
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Blasted lack of pub.

Its seems clear your W wants to say something but she may not even know what that is. It's frustrating for me so I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

There is a squirrel metaphor somewhere on these boards which seems appropriate right now. When you said you don't need an excuse I think you might have startled her

dont make an excuse I dont need her to

I'm nit picking but when you said this there is a bit of jackal in there in that it is combatative and leans toward negative. It shows your frustration and if she is apprehensive in anyway (which it seems she most definitely is) this could be enough to alarm her.

You may have been better with something more like

Its important to me to hear what you have to say but I want you to be comfortable about it and so when you feel ready to talk then we can make some time and I will be ready to listen.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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edz Offline OP
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Hi Jim

The latter is closer to what I actually said tbh, just paraphrasing to get it out on here quickly as I was frustrated after the call.

What I actually said was that if she needed more time thats fine and I'm sure we can work put a solution to talking if we want to. Or words to that effect.

I do dearly want to know what she wants to say, its difficult to say if its harder and more frustrating to wait or to not push her. Thing continues to worry me too and there's no one I can really discuss that with which just adds more frustration.

PMA is truly being tested right now but holding on.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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