Confused

[Joe46]

I was wondering why my other post is locked? Can't reply to it??

[Cadet]

I was wondering why my other post is locked? Can't reply to it??

You were at 109 posts, you are limited to 100 per thread.

Make this your new thread!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2539313#Post2539313

[Joe46]

Ah!! Gracias!! So today I woke up feeling good for a change! Felt confident! Thanks to you people on here! And for Sandi for helping me see that my feelings were justified! I have been so confused inside. I have decided if my wife thinks she needs time to work on things, so do I!! I have alot to think about! Today we are all going to town as a family. I will be the charming confident man I was when we met. Mostly for myself. I am excited to spend some time with my children. I love being with them. Tonight I will be back on here and tell you how my day went. I can't thank you all enough for listening and being here. I have felt alone for along time.

[sandi2]

You are not alone, Joe. We are here pulling for you. Yes, you need to think about a lot of things, most of all your children that still live at home.

[Joe46]

Thank You Sandi. My children that are still living with me are what is tearing me up inside. I came here to fight for my marriage and learn about divorce busting. But right now I am really considering talking to a lawyer. We had a good day today. I felt like me old self. It was like we used to be today. We have had several good days together lately. But the day always ends with us heading back home and her starting her job at night. I had the chance to think alot on the way home because she was sleeping. I thought about what has happened to my marriage since this job has come into our lives. I think my wife has told little white lies earlier in our marriage. But it has turned into her lying constantly. Sandi, you asked if I had checked her stuff online before this job, no I never had a reason to. I am wondering if things were to change and she woke up tomorrow and said I am done with that job, if I could ever trust her again. I agree with you, I am beginning to think she is addicted to this job. And to add to her addiction, she gets paid well.

I came from a divorced home. I spent a good part of my life in trouble and drinking. I know something about addictions. I have been sober for 20 years this month. My sister is still messed up and a terrible alcoholic. Heck, my wife know about divorce and what it has done to her kids. She divorced her husband because he was cheating on her. I have seen the pain her kids went through. I have been there to comfort them and talk to them. I believe in my heart that had I have been a good father to them. I struggled. Sometimes I wondered what I got myself into. But I stuck with them all because I loved them.

I am struggling on what to do. I won't have my truck back for a couple weeks, so I am kinda stuck here. I have been staying in my room alot. Reading and thinking. I have decided to kinda go dark right now. I can not pretend nothing is wrong. I think she would be happy if I just accept the situation so she can keep her job and go to her fantasy world every night. But I am not made that way. She can keep doing what she is doing, but I have to much self respect to just sit and take it. It is against my morals and beliefs. What would happen if this got out in our little town. Not only would people be talking about her, what about our kids. It could very easily get out once my stepson starts staying with us. He is 19. He is not dumb. If he finds out, he will tell his girlfriend and than it will be out.

I was thinking of writing a letter giving her a choice. Quit the job and find a normal one and work on our marriage. Or keep the job, but do it from somewhere else. I don't want it in my house. I don't want any more lies! I did not get married to go through this stuff! I want to be with someone that is honest, puts their family first and has values. She used to be that way! What happened?
Sorry for the long post. Venting again.

[Joe46]

I really feel like I don't know who this person is that I am living with. She is not the same person I knew. Sometimes I see that old person come back, but it is only for awhile. It is amazing how she can be her old self all day yesterday and than when we get home and she rushes to her job, she changes back to this other woman. I have been praying alot for her lately. A couple weeks ago I saw she had a bible sitting on the table in her room. I thought maybe it was just something she found and had not put it away yet. But I have seen it out and moved in different spots almost like she was reading it some. I began to wonder if she might be dealing with some sort of guilt, and maybe was trying to find comfort in reading it.

It may sound bad, but if we did not have kids together, I would have told her to leave a long time ago. I do care for her, but a person can be lied to and taken for granted for only so long. I know that is one thing she said I made her feel like. I admit I probably did sometimes. But I never intentionally tried to hurt her. And no matter what our differences, I never stopped loving her. I never started sleeping in a separate room and never started looking for love elsewhere. I talked to her and tried to work it out. Sometimes I tried to make her see my point of view instead of seeing hers, and that is my fault and something I intend to change. But I never cut her off emotionally or physically.

[Joe46]

So I went to the big town today! Had to go pick up my stepson's bed. Wife was still asleep when I left. I got a text when I was driving down there. So was wondering why I went to town. Of course I don't text and drive, so I did not reply right away. About the time I got to the place to pick up his bed, I got the "Hello???????". I than responded that I was picking up his bed. She said. Oh, no one told me you were doing that today. I decided to take a little time for myself and have some lunch at one of my favorite pizza places. I made sure to order a large so I could bring home left overs. I did alot of thinking. Didn't come up with any answers. But hopefully they will come.

[Joe46]

I said what I thought!! I don't know if it was right or wrong, but I said it. I told her that she is taking a big risk with our reputation and how people will see our family if it ever gets out about her job. I also told her that I have been thinking the past couple days and I am done with the job. I told her you have a choice to make because I am not dealing with that kind of work anymore. She got mad and walked off!!
I am just tired of it. If it gets out what she is doing, people are not going to let their kids come play with our kids. I am also tired of the disrespect! How disrespectful to your husband to keep doing that work when you know how upsetting it is. I feel scared now. But I said what I said. I guess if she decides to leave now, it is her choice. She could stay and work on the relationship and keep our family together.
I know I was not a perfect husband, but I don't deserve to keep dealing with this job and all the lies!!

[Joe46]

She is freaking out! I am getting texts about her calling her mom tomorrow and getting her own health insurance and me getting off her cell phone plan. I just don't want to argue about it. She is really pissed!! She gets so stubborn!! All I said was I don't want to be involved with that kind of work anymore. She can still do it if she wants.

[Joe46]

I got all the angry texts. She is tired of everything being good for awhile and than we go backwards again. She is tired of the crying. She is tired of me making her feel like a bad person. I never said she was a bad person. I just said i don't want to be her plan b and don't want to share my wife with other men. She said she is DONE!! She is tired of crying, I am tired of waking up everyday dealing with the hurt of having my wife upstairs talking dirty to other men.