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Joe46 #2543444 03/01/15 05:38 AM
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I have been getting lots of texts now about how I think she is a horrible person and it is all her fault. How everyone would be better with out her. And how I make her feel like a horrible person. I told her That I did not make her take this job. Actually I was not in favor of it. I told her that I was just saying I don't want to be a part of it anymore and that she had a choice, us or the job. It was up to her. I told her, that I would like to work on things, but this job is getting in the way. I told her that we have fought more in the past 10 months than we would have in 2 lifetimes. She can't seem to see all the problems it has caused. It is not like a normal job.

I just hate when I do stand my ground and very calmly state my boundary and than all hell breaks lose!! Why can't we just talk instead of I'm a horrible person, and everyone would be better off without me and I hate her and she's never good enough. I have never said anything like that. She even said " why couldn't you have been like this a few years ago". I am guessing she said that because I was very calm and confident about what I said. But I also acknowledged her and what she was saying. This is not something I did in the past. At least not like I should have.


Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

Joe46 #2543516 03/01/15 03:10 PM
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I woke up this morning without stressing over everything. Finally for once, I have just Let It Go! I have turned it over to God. Last night we there texts going back and forth. Her sending me texts feeling sorry for herself and saying how everything is her fault and I make her feel like a bad person. I very calmly told her it was her choice what she was doing. I did not bring up the lies about the cell phone account and other emails yet. I guess I did not see the point because I know she will deny it. I have just had enough. She either needs to get a regular job, get some counseling and try to repair our marriage or she can go do what ever she wants. I told her last night I am letting her go. She is free to do whatever she wants to do, but I am no longer her plan b.


Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

Joe46 #2543529 03/01/15 04:04 PM
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I go through times of doubt. I wonder what will happen. I feel so much pain inside for my kids. I wonder what I have done to have to go through this. I felt okay earlier this morning. Now I am feeling down.


Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

Joe46 #2543558 03/01/15 07:21 PM
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Okay, so now you do not back down on what you have said. You do not want that stuff going on in your home......nor your marriage. It is very disrespectful for both home & M. Even if she did it at a different location, you would have the same problem.

I know you are scared, but stand tall and firm. And Joe, if she should start throwing her weight around and threatening you what she will do........just remember you hold the ace card that I doubt she would want played. Unless, she has just gone so far over that line she doesn't care if her mother, son, etc., may know the truth behind your troubled M.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2543621 03/01/15 11:49 PM
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
Okay, so now you do not back down on what you have said. You do not want that stuff going on in your home......nor your marriage. It is very disrespectful for both home & M. Even if she did it at a different location, you would have the same problem.

I know you are scared, but stand tall and firm. And Joe, if she should start throwing her weight around and threatening you what she will do........just remember you hold the ace card that I doubt she would want played. Unless, she has just gone so far over that line she doesn't care if her mother, son, etc., may know the truth behind your troubled M.





Thanks Sandi! I feel alot better now. Took my kids down and saw my mom and dad foe a bit. That was nice.

I will be standing firm on this! I have had it with the lies and betrayal and the disrespect. If she wants to keep doing that job, she will have to do it from some where else. And the kids are staying with me if she leaves. And yes I do have the ace card. That is not the only ace card I have if things get nasty. Which I am hoping they won't. I am really practicing TOUGH LOVE!!


Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

Joe46 #2543629 03/02/15 12:24 AM
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She is really lucky the older kids have not found out yet. But now she has the problem of trying to hide it from our 19 year old son.He is now staying with us till he finds a place. I can actually see a different side of her today. It looked like a little fear. I think she knows I am not screwing around now. LRT is in effect! I also will not lie for her either. If the kids find out, I will tell them how much I have despised this whole thing.


Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

Joe46 #2543660 03/02/15 02:54 AM
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Sandi, Since I am new to this and you have been around awhile, any advice? I am thinking I need to avoid her as much as possible. I definitely will not be starting any conversations or texts. I will also be doing plenty to keep myself busy. I won't have a truck for a couple weeks, but when I get it back from the shop, I am thinking of seeing a lawyer so I know my options. Unless you think maybe I should wait on that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. She can be very stubborn. Especially when angry. She does have one leg up on me right now. She has saved a decent amount of money. So she has some money for an attorney if she wants to get one. I don't have much right now since I pay most of the bills.

Last edited by Joe406; 03/02/15 02:55 AM.

Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

Joe46 #2543753 03/02/15 03:57 PM
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You have no other means of transportation until your truck gets out of the shop? You need to have your own private bank account. If she decides to leave, she could wipe you completely out. Anything you can do to protect yourself financially. Take your name off any credit cards she uses, etc. Don't warn her of any action you are taking. You have already given the warning, now comes the action.

I feel this particular stitch calls for a tough stand, and therefore, I would pull back as far as you can. I would not bend over to try and be all sweet good-guy & nicey-nice to her. Be civil and that's about it. Your message is that you are serious about no more of that cr@p under your roof and until you see it stopped, you are not pals.

If the 19 yr old is perceptive at all, he will pick up on the tension. If he asks you anything, assure him it has nothing to do about him and to wait a couple of days and then you may discuss it. If he goes to his mother, she is going to lie and blame you. This way, you are giving her a couple of days to get her act cleaned up......which is being very lenient, IMO. She can quit her job, delete her contacts, and all those dating sites, etc. Did you keep some evidence in case you need it?

Is this 19 yr old going to have a job while staying there, or is this just a visit?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2543767 03/02/15 04:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
You have no other means of transportation until your truck gets out of the shop? You need to have your own private bank account. If she decides to leave, she could wipe you completely out. Anything you can do to protect yourself financially. Take your name off any credit cards she uses, etc. Don't warn her of any action you are taking. You have already given the warning, now comes the action.

I feel this particular stitch calls for a tough stand, and therefore, I would pull back as far as you can. I would not bend over to try and be all sweet good-guy & nicey-nice to her. Be civil and that's about it. Your message is that you are serious about no more of that cr@p under your roof and until you see it stopped, you are not pals.

If the 19 yr old is perceptive at all, he will pick up on the tension. If he asks you anything, assure him it has nothing to do about him and to wait a couple of days and then you may discuss it. If he goes to his mother, she is going to lie and blame you. This way, you are giving her a couple of days to get her act cleaned up......which is being very lenient, IMO. She can quit her job, delete her contacts, and all those dating sites, etc. Did you keep some evidence in case you need it?

Is this 19 yr old going to have a job while staying there, or is this just a visit?



I have the store truck to get back and forth from work. We have had separate bank accounts for awhile. She is terrible with money. I have taken steps to protect me financially the best I can. She has her money and I have mine. No credit cards together. I am done telling her what I am doing. I have been keeping my distance lately. Not being mean at all, but definitely not being her pal.

I don't have any actual proof of anything she does online as I don't have access to her computer. If something ever came up I could get the phone bill from the phone company. I am sure there would be something on there. As a matter of fact, I was thinking of having the phone bill emailed to me. Right now she pays it and it goes to her email. My name is the only name on the rental agreement. I can send a copy to the phone company if they need to know why I am switching it. If things turn really bad, I do have proof of her financial messes.

I think the 19 year old will start seeing things going on. I know she will lie to him. I doubt he will ask me about it. He will bottle it up. But if he mentions anything to his older sister, she will ask. She will also see things when she visits next weekend. She already know we are having problems. And yes he is getting a job and saving some money to start school in the fall.

Thank you for being here and listening and giving advice. It has been very hard the past 10 months. I was actually in the ER once for chest pains because I had a panic attack. I have not been able to talk about all this with anyone. Do you think she is also experiencing a mid life crisis and that is causing her to have no regard for her consequences and for only thinking of herself? She has a ton of signs of a mid life crisis! She has never been this angry at me or this emotional. I have never seen this before. I don't even know this person!!


Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

Joe46 #2544105 03/03/15 05:28 PM
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I feel good day! Yesterday I survived. I had several moments of stress, but I got through them. I feel confident finally! I am reading DR for the second time. I am detaching from my wife. I think I finally get how to detach. I actually have a good feeling inside that no matter what happens, I will be okay and get through it. If things don't work with the wife, so be it. I will find someone some day that will want to be with me. The most important thing is my kids.

She is acting different yesterday. I don't know if it is good or bad, but I noticed she started selling things online again like she used. She had a good business at one time selling things online. She had a good visit yesterday with one of the women in town. She liked doing those sales before because than she could visit with the women that bought from her. She also has not done anything on Facebook for a long time. Yesterday kinda surprised me. I did not say anything to her about it. She did tell me about her visit and I looked her in the eye and listened. I also did not come home for lunch. I am working on separating myself and anything else I need to. She knows where I stand!


Me:44
EXW 44
Wonderful Children
M11, T14
BD 6/14
OM Confirmed
Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

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