This is my 2nd marriage and I repeated a few of the sins from the previous one. We've been together for a little over 7 years. We have a 6 yr old son and an 8 yr old foster child living with us. Our foster child's parent rights were just terminated a few weeks ago and we'd originally expressed interest in adoption, but now I'm not sure what to do.
My wife got depressed and VERY angry for years. She blames me for everything that was bad... I guess it's typical. Says we only a 3 good months before she got pregnant and everything went downhill from there. While she was depressed, I tried what I knew to reach out and do things, but was constantly rebuffed and yelled at. I took care of my self emotionally, but not physically. I got up to 265lbs. I've been working hard on dropping the weight and am now 225lbs as of this morning. My biggest sin is I withdrew emotionally from her during all this and she felt alone. I also had an issue last spring where I was flirting with someone through email and she found out. Nothing happened beyond the racy flirting, but it didn't help. I was struggling with all this then and even thought about what it would meant to be single again. I decided that I wanted my marriage last year, but didn't really do anything to change things. I missed a huge opportunity and I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to forgive myself. Hindsight is 20/20.
The catalyst was a new job where she feels respected, valued, etc. This caused her to go back to working out dropping weight. looking better, demanding we get her new clothes (starting right after Christmas) that made us go over our checking balance 3 times now. She's making herself the priority because she doesn't feel I ever did. We've argued about money... previously when she was a size 10, she'd go out and spend $500 on clothes she said she hated without us having budgeted for it and it would always put us in a bind and we'd argue. I always wanted her to buy stuff as she needed it, but she never did it that way.
Anyway, she recently took a work trip and when she got back, she says she's just done. She loves me, but there's no chemistry, no passion, etc. She says sex with me has always been terrible and never satisfying. With my weight it made me too small (I'm average) and it was disgusting to be with me.
She says she's out the door and just wants to make sure that we'll be ok. She's still wearing her rings and sleeping in our bed.
Over the last week there was some progress, but last night the social worker came by for a visit. It caused her to feel guilty when we explained the situation and my wife was accusing me of doing it. It was very emotional for me and I slipped on saying a few things and they were accusatory (how could you do this to our son, if you love me how can you do this, blah, blah). The night didn't go well. She's angry with me now for not wanting the divorce too. And loosing weight now vs. when she was yelling at me.
I've probably done a few more stupid things. Right now I feel pretty down on myself and like a ball of need. It's hard to keep my wits about me.
There's more to the story of course, but I need to get the kids ready for school in a few minutes.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Wonder of wonders. This morning we had a better talk that she initiated. I focused on what she said/repeated pertinent items back to her, etc. She stated that what I've been doing hasn't been working and that I've been too negative from her perspective (my perspective is finances limit how much and how quick... but that's an old discussion).
When we first got together, we made a lot of plans, but life-events got in the way. We lost a lot of money on a house and things have been tight since. We both make good money though. She stated that she felt as if she'd been lied to because we never did any of things we talked about.
She asked me directly to do things 180 deg from what's been going on. She also stated that she likes all the changes she's seen, etc. Our son was trying to be overly helpful and ended up annoying her. I asked to her to be patient with him as he's nervous about things.
She says she wants new things in our lives, decluttering, moving forward on home projects, and getting new experiences... living. We had plans earlier to go shopping for new clothes for both of us. She's tired of seeing me look dumpy.
Once she was done taking a shower, she even told me that today, she want's to stay. Definitely a mood lifter. She engaged me several times to chat as well... telling me about co-workers, stuff at work, etc.
She even said we should fill out the letter of intent to adopt the foster child we have. Last night neither of wanted to even talk about it. Over a week ago, she'd told me she expected me to still proceed with the adoption on my own. I'm not sure I can do it, but the thought of my son losing 2 relationships kills me. He acted out for the first time as school yesterday... punch a kid. First time he ever went to the principle.
One issue I have with her new job is that her boss was a WAH. He's been divorced ~1.5 yrs and has 2 kids. His reasons is that his ex let herself go, didn't try to change/do things different, etc. So he's validating some of her decisions. Plus she talks about him a lot. Rather frustrating generally.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I'm 45, my wife is 43. Same birthday even. I know this is a bit jumbled, but I'm still processing a lot of it.
Circumstances 9 years ago was a sexless marriage coupled with depression. I have a tendency to "turtle up" and withdraw when faced with some issues I don't know how to deal with. My dad demonstrated the same behavior.
With my current wife, she got very depressed during the pregnancy with our son, gained weight, got laid off, went to school, got jobs she hated. She took out a lot of her angst/anger on me, so I did my own thing. But when she started reaching back out, I didn't catch it. I've been pretty annoyed with her and how she treated me and the kids. She said that she's only like that with me... which isn't quite true. One of her PRs mentioned the lashing out behavior as well.
We're at least talking again. Previous times I brought stuff up it always resulted in an argument. So there are some pluses.
She told me that she's done "fighting" for us. That it's on me, that she also stated that she know's she's asking me to run a marathon and that I haven't trained. She loves me, but isn't in love with me, etc. We've lost the attraction along the way.
She wants me more confident and to take charge of the things she's asking for. She appreciates the history we have, but describes as a ghost just realizing they're dead.
Some of it I could kick myself for and others I know it's more spew on her part.
Last edited by Sherman333; 02/27/1504:12 PM.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I would add that in the first marriage, I was afraid of angering the first wife.
In the current marriage, I let her get as angry as she wanted some days. In her family of origin, anger was the safe emotion and she's very quick to anger. Sometimes I could get her to come down and other times it mushroomed.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I'm going to try focusing my whining here so I don't do anything stupid again (like last night).
She was already feeling guilty about the conversation with social work regarding our Foster son, said some things which got me spinning. I said some thoughts without a filter on them and that made her feel more guilty. Said it was making her feel like I was pushing her out.
Ugh... One moment I have clarity, the next I want to puke.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Today I stayed home to work on some of the delinquent home-improvement projects. The kids had a half day. I just finished doing some of the work. Going to start dinner in a bit. Wife should be home sometime after 5:00. I've been having butterflies all day and sick to my stomach. Can't quite eat.
The divorce diet begins....
I read some hints that one guy won his W back by being her best friend... Any women that could provide advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I read some hints that one guy won his W back by being her best friend... Any women that could provide advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.
I'm not a woman, but I would say that if a sexless marriage and lack of attraction have been a problem (and I just read your thread), then I wouldn't suggest this approach. In fact, I'd recommend that you lean toward the OPPOSITE -- "alpha" male (while not being a d*kk or anything), a little aloof, mysterious.
Ok. I'm working on rereading Cunningham's book on attraction.
Only reason I was thinking this might work balance the 2. Take charge of getting things done, but also focus on building a connection. One of her complaints is that I'm not her best friend. We don't connect anymore and she feels alone in the relationship.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
This morning is better. I'm not so overwhelmed. We had S this morning that I initiated.
At coffee we did have a flare-up. We were talking about things before starting out day. I asked her what her plans were (just in case they were different than what I was expecting). I then told her what I was going to take care of while she was doing that. She took it as if I was pressuring her to get going. She got pretty pissed (I have no clue why) and I had to tell her to sit back down. I explained all I wanted to do was let her know I got the rest (kids) covered. Her response was "yeah... it's never the intent". She seems to look for things to get upset with or misinterpret. I think she's punishing me generally for all the resentment she says she has.
Most the most part, the morning went well. I've been reading Cunningham's book (it helped put things in perspective last time). For the most part we're amicable, but just stale mediocrity. I enjoy seeing this woman and genuinely enjoy spending time with her. But I know I'd be ok if we can't put it back together.
She did bring up the relationship this morning (I don't think she wants to get my hopes up). We talked about "I love you but am not in love with you" a little. I think I kinda there too overall. But I'd still like to put it together for my son. She keeps mentioning how I'm not a risk taker and that she needs more of that. White water rafting, rock climbing, etc. She counts me out so quick; I don't see myself as she does and it leaves me something to ponder. I've been in such a rut... ugh. So I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. A HUGE 180 would be to schedule a rafting trip whether she wants to come or not.
We're still going out to buy clothes. My 38" waist she bought me a few weeks ago hang loose. The 36" are a little loose as well. I'm going to try 34" pants for the first time in YEARS!!! It's a mood lifter.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
This whole process for me really started last November. So since thine I've dropped 40lbs or so.
On her work trip she took, I fell off the wagon a little and that coupled with how she felt with others caused her to put having a life with me at the periphery. She sees her life with others as giving her more of what she wants/needs.
I'm focusing on those expressions and building attraction.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Another item she keeps bring up is my clothing style... She like more of a metro sexual look. Through all the previous years, both of our selections have been bland to say the least. She's even bought clothes and then talked about how much she hated them (I know she was talking about how she looked). She says I suck at picking out clothes. We'll see how today goes.
For this morning... one item we did discuss is what type of woman I want to be married to... One thing I mentioned is that I want someone patient with the kids and me. I told her I know she struggles with this, but I know she could do it. Her response was "yeah... especially if I'm not drinking". I consider this to be huge.
Only real negative item, is she's planning to have drinks with her boss after work. The reason is someone else in the office is turning 50. I of course have some concern, but only sure... have fun. She keeps talking about her new boss... a lot. She did say his personality reminds her of her brother though. If an affair started, it would definitely complicate matters. I need to think through how I'd react.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Well yesterday went reasonably well. She did spend a bit on clothes though, but she needed them. Overall it was a good day and we had S 3 times last night. Today we're back to the BS.
First she popped a gasket on our foster son for putting a dirty dish into the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Somehow that became my fault. Then for the rest of the day, she was kinda shitty and picking at everything. We were supposed to meet at a house to drop off kids, I was 6 minutes late and all hell broke loose. She was mildly picking at me in front of the mom at the house and the lady even came to my defense.
Later when I came home from the home improvement store, she lets me know she's going to a party on 3/14. I asked her is that together or by herself. She told me she thought it was easier to go by herself, babysitters and whatnot. I told her if she wanted a babysitter, she could just let me know. This launched her into a tirade about how I can never handle anything, how horrible I am, etc. Great.
I'm seriously questioning how much I really want to fight for this vs. just let the next man enjoy her antics. It would be better for the kids.
We're supposed to go on a Disney trip soon. I just booked the rooms today (already had the plane booked last year). I'm seriously considering uninviting her. Just having the kids and I go. Probably be a lot more fun vs. going with a persons actively demonstrating anger/resentment.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
We had S again last night after my workout. She participates which I think is good vs just letting it happen.
She even remarked that she was a bit surprised afterwards.
This morning I'm adding strength training to add a little bulk and got up early. It scared her when she came around a corner and I was up. She remarked I was up early and I told her I have things to do. She said good. 1st 180 for the day.
She's a aloof but cuddled in bed last night.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
So I made sure to leave with only saying Good bye W. Hope you have a nice day. She responded that I looked good and smelled nice. That she really liked the cologne I picked out.
Just odd interactions... one moment nice and the next I'm a horrible POS.
I've been thinking a lot about what I want. Where do I want to go. I'm not sure I want this to continue. I just see her continuing to plunge and I'm not sure I want to go with her. Ugh.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
My W has also had anger issues for much of our marriage and is now in a depressed state. I'm still trying to get a handle on things and I make mistakes daily.
One thing I can say, with the niceness and anger she expresses to you right now is to not over think it. You obviously will, but try not to. It will drive you crazy and cause you to develop expectations as a result of the nice behavior. Just try to keep doing what your doing without reacting too much to whats shes doing or saying in the heat of the moment.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
So after the weekend, I was preparing myself mentally for things to continue going badly. I got setup with a counselor (1st appt Friday 13th... funny) and started looking at finances.
I've even been thinking about the "what-ifs" of finding a better mother for my son, a more patient person, etc. I've even been strongly considering pulling the trigger myself. When things are good they're good, but when they're bad they're bad. With her there's been a bit more bad times.
So she calls me on her way home from work and wants to chat... I was cooking dinner and used that as an excuse to get off the phone with her. She came in and after a few minutes she gave me a big hug/kiss and told me that she really appreciates all the changes I've been making. That for the first time in a long time she has hope for us.
I find this pretty amazing that after I was a POS the day before... it's a 180 for her. I expect that her behavior will revert shortly. I don't think she values me most days... but there's a glimmer every once in a while.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
The foster boy, I've decided I'm going to proceed with the adoption regardless of what the wife does. I can't take the 1 person he'll have for support away from my son as we go through this.
My wife has been mistreating me and the kids for years. I've been putting up with it to a point and I think that's a big chunk of why we're where we're at. It's been a huge loss of attraction. It wasn't like this in the beginning, but she's been getting that way over the last couple of years. My son even says my wife is mean.
She's been pretty good lately, but yesterday she was on them a lot. She left to go "shopping" again and while she was out I took the boys up to get our hair cuts. One the drive, I had a long conversation with them about what they want in a mom. Let's just say the wife isn't even close on a lot things. Especially patience and understanding. My 7 yr old son even told me I should break up with Mom.
So this morning, she starts in again and I had enough. There's a project she started and left as a mess. No care in how it was done, stuff just slopped on. I called her over and pointed it out to her, that this is how I see "us" that she makes a mess and leaves it for me to pick up. She started to argue and I just listed off a ton of stuff. I then explained to her in very clear terms that if the crap doesn't stop, then I'll pull the plug on things and we can go to war.
She fought me a little, but relented into a pile of tears. Saying that she thinks something is just broken in her that can't be fixed. That she's only been like this with me and that's part of the reason she doesn't want to be here anymore. She's filled with anger and resentment. I explained that I've been looking at what I want in a wife and mother. That she either fits or she doesn't.
We talked at length about what next. She wants to stick around and finish fixing a bunch of the project that were started, but didn't participate in after that. She wants to get me setup for the next person and that I'm a catch (just not attracted to me anymore). She wants our son to have a good home, etc. She also wants us both to start dating and she's ready to move to one of the rooms in the basement to start our transition to separation and divorce.
I kept my cool during the conversation and she ended up perking up a lot. We were laughing at the end of it.
I broke it off and went and worked out. Later, I came up behind her while she was dancing and hugged her sweaty. It annoyed her a bit, I laughed and took a shower. When I came out she was telling me how proud she was about me loosing so much weight as fast as I have. I've even smacked her on the butt a few times in fun and once got a squeal of delight/big smile.
We've been joking and talking most of the day. Crazy part of all this is that she's treating me better than she has in years. It's almost like the person I remember she was.
She wanted to skip going to our son basketball game again, but asked me if it was ok (i.e. part of being motherly). I told her not to ask me, but to ask our son and left it at that. It took her a bit, but she came to the decision that she would go for a little while. She got there a little late, but sat next to me with our legs touching. We were discussing our Disney trip and I was engaging some of the other people around us (especially the cuter women) with a lot of laughs.
She left a little early from the game to go shopping after we thought our son was done. But didn't say goodbye because he was sitting with his friends. He ended up going back in 1 last time and was playing awesome, but got distracted when he noticed his Mom was there anymore. A little later, he caught the basketball right in the face, but took it like a champ. It had to have hurt like hell. He had all the adults cheering him on and had a bunch of sympathy from the other women around us. I got asked where the wife was and I explained she's just doing her own thing and left it at that.
My son was really upset that she wasn't there. She forgotten her water-bottle and he clung to it until we go home.
As I got closer to home, I started getting the butterflies again. So I'm here typing and letting the kids enjoy playing outside. :P
Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. Feeling a little sad at the moment.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
We're now in separate bedrooms. After my wife went shopping at the mall, she said she had to leave her phone in the car to charge. The mall closed at 6. She decided to call at 7:18 p.m. saying she'd just finished.
After thinking about her request to date others and with the new issue, I couldn't detach, GAL, and still have her in my bed. So I asked her to leave. She cried a lot and I think I did ok letting her know I was at peace with my decision. I also told her that since she wants to date, why wait to do everything. We can count the upcoming party she's going to on 3/14 as her night and I'll take the next weekend. She attacked my resolve a few times an tried to make me feel guilty or cave. I didn't do this out of anger. Rather, I just can't have her in my bed and I need time to get out for me.
This morning I got up at 4:30 a.m. and worked out. She engaged me a few times and I stayed cool. She was wearing some skimpy closes (looked damn good) and was standing in my way and I had to twist to avoid rubbing on her. Previously, I would have touched her or rubbed her. This happened a couple of times. I also didn't kiss her when I left, but only said goodbye.
Tonight, I got the super cold shoulder. I think she said less than 10 words to me and went to bed at 8:30. After I got off the elipitcal, I had to put some laundry in and her phone was still playing music.
I'm not 100% what I want with her. I do want a loving wife that's patient, good with the kids, etc. She's been anything but for years.
She also wanted to verify when I have my therapist appointment. Even sneered a little when she said it. Asked if that was why I'd been making her pickup the kids every so often.
Today at work I was a mess. It's more of a case that I can let my guard down a little more there. At home, it's just me, the kids and her.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
She did ask that I wear my rings until after the Disney trip. This baffles me a lot. I'm giving her what she asked for on a silver platter and she's still conflicted.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
It's when I'm completely alone that I feel it the worst. The fear, uncertainty, and doubt.
I'm not going to grovel and chase her. It's crazy, she has been good to everyone for years (even our 7 yr old says she's mean and suggests that we break-up), but I still miss her. Ugh.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Yes. It does. I've been thinking a lot on that snd will be tackling that with the counselor. I've picked 2 different women that abused me in different ways.
The current wife got pregnant unexpectedly and we married. She wasn't supposed to be able to have kids. She has no tubes. Her OBGYN even said she couldn't calculate the odds and kept asking about being sued since she removed the tubes.
My wife told me Sunday that she thinks she's turning into her mother who's unhappy with everything. She's also been accusing me of bring just like her stepfather.
My wife gas been verbally abusive to me and the kids. Bad enough i had yo step between them and remove her. I think the foster kids we had triggered something in conjunction with the couples issues. I withdrew from her because of the abuse.
My boss asked me to visit with my HR person today. I ended giving her a lot more details and she advised me yo get in to talk with a lawyer ASAP. That my primary concern is the kids.
Only redeeming thing about where I'm at is that this is the nicest she's been yo me in years.
Last edited by Sherman333; 03/10/1510:14 PM.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I'm strongly leaning towards filing. The wife is so unhappy and she doesn't really care for the kids. She has zero patience and if they make a mistake she'll make them pay. Especially if I'm not around. It wasn't like this in the beginning but has gotten a lot worse over the last few years. Her 24 yr old son wants nothing to do with her either; this has been this way for years.
I want my son to grow up with a more loving person.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
This week after I kicked her out of the bedroom (wanting to date others), I've been getting into work early and staying late for a function we're putting on. So she's had an opportunity to miss me. She says it's been good.
I spoke with her estranged son last night about some of what's been happening. He said that he's seen it all before. He was hoping she'd grown enough that she had gotten past it. He was sad for the situation and offered to testify if it comes to that. She estranged from her entire family.
Last night we had a conversation. I owed her an explanation on something and did so. We ended up in a R talk focused on the anger issues. They play a central role in all the crap. She stated that she's been feeling better in the spare bedroom, that it reminders her of a difficult time when she was a girl, but was comforting.
I told her that she should consider counseling for our son and she agreed (at least last night).
She also told me that her boss told her he get dibs if she gets divorced and this is what accelerated everything. She says he's a good friend and she is attracted to him. She also said that she knows she would destroy that relationship too. That she's worried that she's going to be unhappy with everything for the rest of her life... just like her mom. She then proceeded to tell me some of what she needs for her future... that she has to have things to look forward to, trips, travel, doing things with just us and no kids. That the kids ruin the adult time.
She also volunteered on her own that we both have work to do on ourselves. That she keeps yoyoing and dragging me with her. That she vacillates between staying and going. She's afraid that things will go back to the way they were. I agreed with her and told her I can't accept them that way either.
She also told me that she wants the passion back that we had at the beginning. I'm focused on building attraction and she's given me hints that there's a little something happening, but nothing overwhelming yet.
This morning started out well, but there was an earlier miscommunication from weeks ago on a trip we're taking that I tried talking to her about. I slipped up on a 180 and used some of the trigger phrases from before and things spiraled out of control a bit. I even pointed out that we're doing our dance and attempted to "redo" what I had said. She kept her cool for a bit... but soon started attacking me... about how incompetent I was, can't do anything right, blah, blah. Nothing as bad as it was before. I disengaged stating that I will fix the issue and that we'd talk when she'd calmed down.
She kept talk about how crappy I was, etc. So I finished getting ready for work and left after saying goodbye to the boys. She called me annoyed that I hadn't said goodbye to her as well and then tried to guilt me into feeling bad about all kinds of stuff. I calmly stated that I won't put up with the being put down (a good 180).
When I got to work, I fixed the issue and forwarded the results to her with an explanation. She emailed me back saying that this makes her very happy that its taken care of.
If she goes to the counselor, then this would be very good regardless of where we end up.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I have a list of things i wrote down on what I want in a spouse. I've asked her to do the same. Some of the items are a must and some i can negotiate on.
One that is a must is that she has to get the anger under control.
What other advise do you have for next steps?
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
So you have a mean WAW. Is she involved in an A? I never saw much, other than you did not care for her boss and she talked about him a lot.
After reading your thread, I have to honestly tell you that she does not sound like a woman who wants children. Those poor little boys! Apparently, there is some bad history between her and adult son.....and maybe her entire family? Anyway, I just have to ask if it is fair to this foster child to expose him to a "mother" who does not want him? I mean, this sounds like abuse waiting to happen down the road for both boys.
You seem to have a lot of doubt about even wanting this woman. I'm not sure I understand the plan about her moving to the basement. Do you even know the marital status presently? I did, however, see where you both plan to take a trip together. Is this the Disney trip for the kids (that she says ruins adult time)?
Neither did I understand why things went from bad sex...to no sex...to having it up to three times in one night without any apparent changes in her or the R. Were you trying to prove something? You said you initiated it. Every time? You seemed surprised she "participated". But then you kick out of your bed.
I am not saying you are, or are not, doing things correctly. I am just trying to figure out where you are going with this. Do you know what you want?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The 36" are a little loose as well. I'm going to try 34" pants for the first time in YEARS!!! It's a mood lifter.