Wife says she's out the door

[Sherman333]

Only other point I'll make is that we were having sex. Just not great sex. We had some instances that were better than normal.

It's only recently that this has changed to no sex.

I've also been aloof and gained weight. Tomorrow we're supposed to go clothes shopping for me and her since a lot of the clothes don't fit,

[Sherman333]

This morning is better. I'm not so overwhelmed. We had S this morning that I initiated.

At coffee we did have a flare-up. We were talking about things before starting out day. I asked her what her plans were (just in case they were different than what I was expecting). I then told her what I was going to take care of while she was doing that. She took it as if I was pressuring her to get going. She got pretty pissed (I have no clue why) and I had to tell her to sit back down. I explained all I wanted to do was let her know I got the rest (kids) covered. Her response was "yeah... it's never the intent". She seems to look for things to get upset with or misinterpret. I think she's punishing me generally for all the resentment she says she has.

Most the most part, the morning went well. I've been reading Cunningham's book (it helped put things in perspective last time). For the most part we're amicable, but just stale mediocrity. I enjoy seeing this woman and genuinely enjoy spending time with her. But I know I'd be ok if we can't put it back together.

She did bring up the relationship this morning (I don't think she wants to get my hopes up). We talked about "I love you but am not in love with you" a little. I think I kinda there too overall. But I'd still like to put it together for my son. She keeps mentioning how I'm not a risk taker and that she needs more of that. White water rafting, rock climbing, etc. She counts me out so quick; I don't see myself as she does and it leaves me something to ponder. I've been in such a rut... ugh. So I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. A HUGE 180 would be to schedule a rafting trip whether she wants to come or not.

We're still going out to buy clothes. My 38" waist she bought me a few weeks ago hang loose. The 36" are a little loose as well. I'm going to try 34" pants for the first time in YEARS!!! It's a mood lifter.

[Sherman333]

This whole process for me really started last November. So since thine I've dropped 40lbs or so.

On her work trip she took, I fell off the wagon a little and that coupled with how she felt with others caused her to put having a life with me at the periphery. She sees her life with others as giving her more of what she wants/needs.

I'm focusing on those expressions and building attraction.

[Sherman333]

Another item she keeps bring up is my clothing style... She like more of a metro sexual look. Through all the previous years, both of our selections have been bland to say the least. She's even bought clothes and then talked about how much she hated them (I know she was talking about how she looked). She says I suck at picking out clothes. We'll see how today goes.

For this morning... one item we did discuss is what type of woman I want to be married to... One thing I mentioned is that I want someone patient with the kids and me. I told her I know she struggles with this, but I know she could do it. Her response was "yeah... especially if I'm not drinking". I consider this to be huge.

Only real negative item, is she's planning to have drinks with her boss after work. The reason is someone else in the office is turning 50. I of course have some concern, but only sure... have fun. She keeps talking about her new boss... a lot. She did say his personality reminds her of her brother though. If an affair started, it would definitely complicate matters. I need to think through how I'd react.

[Sherman333]

Well yesterday went reasonably well. She did spend a bit on clothes though, but she needed them. Overall it was a good day and we had S 3 times last night. Today we're back to the BS.

First she popped a gasket on our foster son for putting a dirty dish into the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Somehow that became my fault. Then for the rest of the day, she was kinda shitty and picking at everything. We were supposed to meet at a house to drop off kids, I was 6 minutes late and all hell broke loose. She was mildly picking at me in front of the mom at the house and the lady even came to my defense.

Later when I came home from the home improvement store, she lets me know she's going to a party on 3/14. I asked her is that together or by herself. She told me she thought it was easier to go by herself, babysitters and whatnot. I told her if she wanted a babysitter, she could just let me know. This launched her into a tirade about how I can never handle anything, how horrible I am, etc. Great.

I'm seriously questioning how much I really want to fight for this vs. just let the next man enjoy her antics. It would be better for the kids.

We're supposed to go on a Disney trip soon. I just booked the rooms today (already had the plane booked last year). I'm seriously considering uninviting her. Just having the kids and I go. Probably be a lot more fun vs. going with a persons actively demonstrating anger/resentment.

[Sherman333]

We had S again last night after my workout. She participates which I think is good vs just letting it happen.

She even remarked that she was a bit surprised afterwards.

This morning I'm adding strength training to add a little bulk and got up early. It scared her when she came around a corner and I was up. She remarked I was up early and I told her I have things to do. She said good. 1st 180 for the day.

She's a aloof but cuddled in bed last night.

[Sherman333]

So I made sure to leave with only saying Good bye W. Hope you have a nice day. She responded that I looked good and smelled nice. That she really liked the cologne I picked out.

Just odd interactions... one moment nice and the next I'm a horrible POS.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want. Where do I want to go. I'm not sure I want this to continue. I just see her continuing to plunge and I'm not sure I want to go with her. Ugh.

[Fogg]

My W has also had anger issues for much of our marriage and is now in a depressed state. I'm still trying to get a handle on things and I make mistakes daily.

One thing I can say, with the niceness and anger she expresses to you right now is to not over think it. You obviously will, but try not to. It will drive you crazy and cause you to develop expectations as a result of the nice behavior. Just try to keep doing what your doing without reacting too much to whats shes doing or saying in the heat of the moment.

[Sherman333]

So after the weekend, I was preparing myself mentally for things to continue going badly. I got setup with a counselor (1st appt Friday 13th... funny) and started looking at finances.

I've even been thinking about the "what-ifs" of finding a better mother for my son, a more patient person, etc. I've even been strongly considering pulling the trigger myself. When things are good they're good, but when they're bad they're bad. With her there's been a bit more bad times.

So she calls me on her way home from work and wants to chat... I was cooking dinner and used that as an excuse to get off the phone with her. She came in and after a few minutes she gave me a big hug/kiss and told me that she really appreciates all the changes I've been making. That for the first time in a long time she has hope for us.

I find this pretty amazing that after I was a POS the day before... it's a 180 for her. I expect that her behavior will revert shortly. I don't think she values me most days... but there's a glimmer every once in a while.

[Sherman333]

An update to our situation...

The foster boy, I've decided I'm going to proceed with the adoption regardless of what the wife does. I can't take the 1 person he'll have for support away from my son as we go through this.

My wife has been mistreating me and the kids for years. I've been putting up with it to a point and I think that's a big chunk of why we're where we're at. It's been a huge loss of attraction. It wasn't like this in the beginning, but she's been getting that way over the last couple of years. My son even says my wife is mean.

She's been pretty good lately, but yesterday she was on them a lot. She left to go "shopping" again and while she was out I took the boys up to get our hair cuts. One the drive, I had a long conversation with them about what they want in a mom. Let's just say the wife isn't even close on a lot things. Especially patience and understanding. My 7 yr old son even told me I should break up with Mom.

So this morning, she starts in again and I had enough. There's a project she started and left as a mess. No care in how it was done, stuff just slopped on. I called her over and pointed it out to her, that this is how I see "us" that she makes a mess and leaves it for me to pick up. She started to argue and I just listed off a ton of stuff. I then explained to her in very clear terms that if the crap doesn't stop, then I'll pull the plug on things and we can go to war.

She fought me a little, but relented into a pile of tears. Saying that she thinks something is just broken in her that can't be fixed. That she's only been like this with me and that's part of the reason she doesn't want to be here anymore. She's filled with anger and resentment. I explained that I've been looking at what I want in a wife and mother. That she either fits or she doesn't.

We talked at length about what next. She wants to stick around and finish fixing a bunch of the project that were started, but didn't participate in after that. She wants to get me setup for the next person and that I'm a catch (just not attracted to me anymore). She wants our son to have a good home, etc. She also wants us both to start dating and she's ready to move to one of the rooms in the basement to start our transition to separation and divorce.

I kept my cool during the conversation and she ended up perking up a lot. We were laughing at the end of it.

I broke it off and went and worked out. Later, I came up behind her while she was dancing and hugged her sweaty. It annoyed her a bit, I laughed and took a shower. When I came out she was telling me how proud she was about me loosing so much weight as fast as I have. I've even smacked her on the butt a few times in fun and once got a squeal of delight/big smile.

We've been joking and talking most of the day. Crazy part of all this is that she's treating me better than she has in years. It's almost like the person I remember she was.

She wanted to skip going to our son basketball game again, but asked me if it was ok (i.e. part of being motherly). I told her not to ask me, but to ask our son and left it at that. It took her a bit, but she came to the decision that she would go for a little while. She got there a little late, but sat next to me with our legs touching. We were discussing our Disney trip and I was engaging some of the other people around us (especially the cuter women) with a lot of laughs.

She left a little early from the game to go shopping after we thought our son was done. But didn't say goodbye because he was sitting with his friends. He ended up going back in 1 last time and was playing awesome, but got distracted when he noticed his Mom was there anymore. A little later, he caught the basketball right in the face, but took it like a champ. It had to have hurt like hell. He had all the adults cheering him on and had a bunch of sympathy from the other women around us. I got asked where the wife was and I explained she's just doing her own thing and left it at that.

My son was really upset that she wasn't there. She forgotten her water-bottle and he clung to it until we go home.

As I got closer to home, I started getting the butterflies again. So I'm here typing and letting the kids enjoy playing outside. :P

Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. Feeling a little sad at the moment.