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Mighty, very interesting indeed... I have a lot of time on my hands to analyze, LOL. My H only appears a few times a year, I mean in person, so I have aaaallll this time…

Well, the business taxes are done and filed already. He doesn’t know this, because I didn’t notify him. Most of the business taxes and reports are actually due at the end of Jan. He is a bit too late for that, busy partying.

And, why did the heck he assume that we are doing the personal taxes jointly? I could have already file my own… I didn’t, but still…

Mighty, thank you for the compliments. You have no idea what it cost me to become this composed person you think I am. Actually, I might be this composed person now, just need to change my view on this.

Haven’t heard from him yet. I’m actually expecting my son and his GF for dinner tonight. Need to get busy cooking now…


M:50
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Bright,

Hope you enjoyed dinner with your S & his GF.

I can imagine how off it must be to see H in person. My H has not returned and I wonder if we will ever see him again. I imagine if I do then awkward will be putting things mildly. It has been a long time. It is odd how H acts via text or the occasional phone call that he is just across town. I know it must be hard but try not to think about it too much.

H may just be thinking filing taxes jointly is cheaper. This might be nothing more than that. Hang in there ok?


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Bright - seeing them does get easier. I am still shocked on my occasional meetings with xh at how old he looks and how so obviously life hasn't worked out as he planned.

They lose everything and try and pretend that they are OK. MLC is a b*tch for everyone who gets involved. We grow, but it isn't costless.

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Thanks, Gwen. The dinner with my son and his GF was nice. They stayed longer than I expected, but we had some fun. And drunk an extra bottle of wine smile .

I think the same about taxes. He just tries to save money everywhere possible, because he didn't make much last year. I also think that he is here for a concert or some kind of event.

Bea, same here, things are not working for H as he hoped they would.

So, not a beep from H since that text that he was on his way. I'm curious how he thinks he can help with taxes. Come to my house, go through the files and documents to put the info together? As far as I know the only tax related document that he has is his car registration. I have all the mortgage statements, other financial documents, etc. Will see what he comes up with...


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So, my sister called me last night and said “Guess where my H is right now”. He was meeting with my H for a drink. And they ended up to have some dinner. Interesting…

This morning I got a text from H asking me when I would up and around and if there is any mail for him. It was after 10 am, so he remembered that I told him that I’m not available before 10 am on a weekend. He addressed me by name again, LOL.

I replied that there is mail and if he can come in half an hour. So, expecting him in the next few minutes.


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"You have no idea what it cost me to become this composed person you think I am. Actually, I might be this composed person now, just need to change my view on this."

Yes, Bright, you are this composed person!

Just peeking in momentarily to say hi! And wanting things to be well for you, my friend smile


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
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Hi bright- You sound like you are really doing well- have turned a corner. :-) how was it with H when he came by?

Thinking of you often ((())))


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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Wow, it is amazing that two people who are piecing posted to me today! I think it is a good sign!
ReachingHigher, Busting, thank you so much for stopping by!

So here is the latest. I got the mail ready for H and I had a couple of questions I wanted to ask, like when he would pick up his two chests that still have some of his stuff in there, and if he would want any parts of the old bedroom (dresses, bed frame) when I replace it with the new one. I’ve been thinking about that for some time now. But, now I feel like I’m actually getting excited about the new bedroom set.

What I didn’t expect though for H to show up with his brother. They both came into the house. So, I had a bunch of thoughts going through my head. He brought BIL in because he didn’t want to face me alone, he wanted to avoid the possibility of me bringing up a conversation (I’m sure our mutual friends gave the info to him that I was considering filing for D or separation), he was testing the waters, etc. There a lot of other thoughts about this, I just don’t know how to express them at the moment. So, if this is his way to avoid any serious conversations, it worked. I didn’t say anything about the chests and the bed. I just didn’t feel like BIL needed to know these kind of details.

While I was handing him his mail he asked me if there was anything important. And, yes there was, a Jury Duty letter. I had a thought to ask him why he didn’t update his voting record and stuff, because he doesn’t live here anymore, but I didn’t. Then there was a Playboy, of course. He said that my son told him that he took the previous issue. I said that I was not aware of that. So, he was like laughing at that, saying that the Playboy is his and how dare my son was to take it. It was all presented as a joke. I think he actually enjoyed the fact that my son took something of his.

Then he asked me if he could take a couple of cassettes with music. He said that the people he came with didn’t have CD player in the car, only the cassette player, which he thought was kind of strange these days. I’m not sure if this is the case, or he just wanted to take these cassettes (relieving his old teenage years?) The interesting part was that he knew exactly were these cassettes were in the house and went straight upstairs to pick them up. He took a few, I didn’t see which once.

He asked me about the car insurance. I told him that I haven’t received the bill yet. He asked me again to let him know the numbers before I pay it, because he wants to see if he can reduce the coverage. I told him that there is probably no way to reduce it even more, because he already changed it to liability only last year. He didn’t remember that. Ha, MLC brain…

Then he asked about the taxes and what I wanted to do. I told him that it was up to him whether he wanted to file separately or jointly. He told me that he didn’t make much money last year, and if it would make sense for him to file separately. I told him it would not matter in our case, at least what I was told (we are still legally M and live in a community property state.) He then said that it is ok to file jointly. I told him that in this case I need his car registration (as tax deduction) and any interests from the bank accounts. Apparently, he didn’t have the car registration on him! What!? I though he came to help me to do the taxes? He then processed to the kitchen to look for a pen (again, he knew exactly where he could find one) to write this down because he would not remember it after… BTW, the bank statement was in the mail that he just picked up. I didn’t say anything…

I was chatting with his brother meantime. When everything was addressed, BIL said that they were now heading “to play in the rain”. I assumed that he was taking about golfing, and asked him about it. He said no, there are going to do some other things. I guess it is a secret, LOL.

My BIL gave me a hug when he came in and when he left. No hug from H. Not that I expected, just an observation.


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Decided to split this into the second post. Sorry for the long posts. The H “sightseeing” is only happens like 2-3 time a year.

So, here is what I observed and learnt:

- H didn’t drive by himself, came here with some people (probably a couple of his friends from vacation home). This is unusual, because H always wanted to be in control of him moving around places and not being dependent on other people. It is like he knew I was going to ask him to pick up more of his stuff (chests).

- I think he is staying at his brother’s though.

- The tax thing was just an excuse (not sure for what though)

- He arranged to meet with my other BIL yesterday (sister’s H.) Wanted to connect? Catch up on the family stuff? Test the waters? (I’m going over to my sister’s for dinner tonight, maybe I will learn something.)

- Apparently he is doing something with his brother. Connecting? Catching up? Not sure what happened with BIL’s GF. Not sure if she is still in the picture. If she is, then this is kind of remarkable, because it’s been a long time since H and his brother did something together, like a guy things, you know.

- He brought his brother in with him to my house. I guess he is not hiding anymore about some affairs that we still have together, like the car insurance, taxes. I thought he didn’t want anybody to know about that kind of stuff. I could have been wrong all along. Also, was he trying to avoid a possible talk?

- H thought yet about something else to pick from the house (cassette tapes), LOL.

- He didn’t bring any of the D or separation subjects. Talked about car insurance and other stuff like business as usual.

So, something to digest. I’m looking at it from the outside observer point of view. Just observing the behavior. I’m glad he stopped by today and didn’t drug it through the weekend. I can enjoy the rest of my weekend without warring about when I would need to be home for him to come over.


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Yesterday was not a good day for me in terms of emotions running me down. I went to a baby shower to one of my neighbors and then to my sister’s for dinner.

The most difficult moment at the baby shower was the moment when the expecting couple was opening the gifts. The husband was sitting next to his wife and looked like he was excited about the whole thing, about the expectant baby and everything that went with it. I could not help but to feel sad for myself. I never had something like that. My son’s father was never present, I don’t even think he realized that he became a parent. He was very selfish. My current H never liked small kids specifically. So, I had nobody to share the joy of having a kid with.

I was sitting there, thinking how much I would love to start over and find me a right husband and have a loving normal family. Too late now…

Then I went to my sister’s for dinner and found the info about my BIL and H’s night out. He told me that there were three of them, my H, his brother and my BIL (sister’s H). Here are the things I found out:

H came to the city because his friends were coming for whatever business they needed to do and used an opportunity to catch a ride with them. Still kind of strange. It’s like he wanted to use this opportunity to catch up with “old friends”, if you can call my BIL and his brother that. Also, maybe wanted to see me? OK, not going there…

H talked about my son and how he is pleasantly surprised how my son turned out, how he has everything together, working full time and going to school, paying his bills, etc. (Yeah, no kidding, this is my son, takes after his Mother!)

H told my BIL about how he has changed, specifically talking about the fact that he has a smart phone now and that he is on Facebook. No kidding…

H mentioned how broke he is in terms of money, but he is hopeful that this year will be better for him (he was hopeful last year too, but it turned out to be worse than previous), and how hard it is to pay for the mortgage (condo.)

He also said something about his brother’s GF when his brother went to the bathroom. Like she is not going to last much longer, and his brother is going to boot her off. My sister’s H said that when he went to pick my H and his brother, he sensed that the GF was not quite happy about all of them going out on a Friday night especially. This GF has been around for the second year now, which is unprecedented for my BIL (H’s brother.) Well, he broke his knew cup last year and could not drive and even walk, so she was taking care of him. I guess now she started to put some restrictions and rules in the house, and BIL is not quite happy about that. Interesting part is that my H didn’t like her from the beginning (even last year when he first met her.) This is kind of strange, because she is (was) one of these easy going girls that my H would like to hang around with.

Sorry for the long post again. Just needed to get it out, so I could process all these different thoughts in my head.


M:50
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S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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