Oh dear edzs you broke it. Seems the nvc, is why sometimes I go well and others it falls to crap. It falls to crap because I try to push for outcomes and the ears come off rather than wheels. H is definitely j all the way. Confrontational hard immovable.
Some taugh him to mirror, but he Mirrors his want as the solution which IMHO often was my problem. Talk about way to make some one feel invalidated and of no value. Sish.
Quick up to speed, the cute dude is a mystery, something is odd. Most people sort of revel stuff about them selves and share back and forth he's quiet reserved but out going it's just hard to place a finger on. Actions sort of say I like you friend material etc, but words mmmmm. I asked him out it was a not now, but in a way it seems like a no.
Best back away, seems I am already making excuses, he's shy, reserved, new to town. Spinning in away over simple stuff.
Right walking forwards. no need to stop here.
Last edited by Ggrass; 02/26/1508:54 PM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Interesting stuff Gg. How are you feeling about it all, sounds like you may be reconsidering your next steps or am I misunderstanding?
Edz
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Yes it surely does take some time. If it helps you at all while I'm the lbs here I was also the one emotionally and physically distanced by w for years in our marriage. To a large extent that and my tendency to depression led to the issues w cites as the reason shed had enough. I've had to work on those and the after effects of bd in and out of counselling so I know exactly what you mean about time, obviously not your sitch though and I'd never dream of comparing, you had a tougher time no questions there.
If you have things to vent or talk about that you're comfortable with discussing here, you know where we all are.
Edz
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
I spend a lot of time temp checking me, seems I forgot the self care thing.
Think I've been short sleeping too much. Today the diet hit the floor.
Been told About free ic, so I'm thinking the only reason why I couldn't go back was cost and running out of subsidised ones. Althought it does mean I will have to schedule in my days off.
Want some help with nvc technics and validation stuff. Ways of working it around and making it habbit.
It might help to sort out the not knowing where my head is at.
Althought a couple of times this week. I noted some one tryed to re write history or gas light me as mistaken. Now I just let them keep their view but I don't adopt their view.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Ic sounds a great plan, I avoided councilling for years despite the fact it could have helped me out, i thought i knew what theyd say and it couldn't make any difference, after bd I knew I needed someone's help it really did help me contextualise a lot of things.
Always remember (with apologies to simone elkeles)
Opinions (and views) are like @ssholes everyone has one ..
Mil is one for rewriting history to fit and it drove everyone around her to dispair as she would just say no the other person was wrong even when the "new" version made no sense. It seems to be a narcisit trick or at least it is in her case. I miss a lot from our marriage but not dealing with her!
Keep being you gg, believe in yourself I have faith in you.
Edz
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
IC is a good idea if you can. I find mine helps me figure out What is going on in my head. I know one if the reasons some people avoid it is because they are afraid what it might uncover (to be honest I didn't like the idea and stigma) but it has helped.
As for the NVC stuff I find it interesting and I can spot jackal sometimes but need to get better at stopping myself speaking it and doing more giraffe listening.
As for cute dude, I'd say if your spider sense is tingling then listen to that, we evolved that kind if intuition for a reason.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Gg, the NVC videos seem to have left an impression. I am glad. I found it particularly interesting to see how difficult some of the audience members found the exercises. It's challenging for sure. As Jim says, there are jackals everywhere.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
It's not spidey sense, it's just mmm hard to put in words.
I think perhaps I'm finding some stuff super polite and almost scripted. No natural flow.
Although I sometimes drop out stuff when I do not mean to. I tend to think as I talk, my view of stuff clarifies as it comes out.
Some of this week stress fell out. He was very validating, listens pretty well and doesn't seem judgemental. All + could be just I expected stuff?
I'm mostly learning from live subjects, clasps hands together and laughes a witch type laugh.
They don't know what I do!
The testicle dude, is interesting too, he did something quite intimate for a casual friend When he left the party last week, he touched the inside elbow. like cupped my elbow. Like a partner type gesture.
It's funny for me to think, of it as more a closer gesture than I suspect td does.
Peoples actions are interesting. I just find them interesting for no reason other than it's fun and new some thing I didn't do well before.
Boy h is the jackel on steroids. Yes I know I chose to put up with his punishments, it was all in the name of an easy life.
I do know on some levels I did retain my choices and h didn't like it. S17 he knows he can chose, in a way I did I still that, but often he uses the no choice options. He will also argue to the death on being right.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
no need to stop here. 
