Toot Alors!

[gan]

Wow - useful meting with L! I agree that there is no reason for you to follow up with H on this unless he pursues the issue.

[Sotto]

You know, I always get discombobulated when I see the lawyer. I know it's sound advice from her, and I trust her. The thing is - she said to me today - why don't you just file for D? And that's the thing I find hard really. In my sitch, it feels like there's a tension between finances and a desire to save the M.

Financially, it might be best for me just to file for D, that forces the whole financial disclosure and assessment process, we agree a settlement and then D. But then H would be free to go and marry someone else and wouldn't be my H any more.

But let's say I just keep on DBing. I left our MH and am renting without access to capital unless we settle our finances. It's okay for now, but the longer it goes on, the more I'll feel the pinch. I am working, but in a bit more of a relaxed and part time way at the moment, so I could always change that if I needed to.

The thing is, I can't see that we would return to our MH even if we reconcile. So I think it needs to be sold anyway. But I shouldn't agree to the sale unless it's as part of a settlement of our finances. Which I'm concerned H wont agree to, unless he's forced to because we are D'ing.

Am I making any sense? I suppose the first thing is to see if H is willing to work towards a full division of our finances and a separation agreement, including selling the MH. If we can do that, it would be great. That way, we resolve the finances, and we are still M, and I can carry on DBing for a while...

Part of me feels I just need to protect myself financially now and move on. And another part doesn't want to feel I gave up on our M too soon, or for financial reasons...

[rd500]

Hi Toots You can only do what's best for you I would follow L's advice on MH as you don't seem to worried about selling it After email last week I would take things slowlly. Rome was built in a day and all that. Positive thoughts and take your time !!!!

Take care. Rd

[edz]

Hi toots

Clearly something in the air tonight. I see where you're coming from though.

I'm feeling that uncertain feeling tonight. Not knowing am I doing the right thing hanging in here won't derail your thread though.

Im still trying to get my finances resolved without causing chaos with w, not to the degree you've got but I understand the dichotomy.

I certainly know the feeling of not wanting to look back in x years and wonder what if but equally sometimes the thought to move on can feel rather appealing especially when I'm feeling blue.

From what I understand I think the idea to look into dividing things is a good one, as you say though it will depend on what h thinks as well.

Hang in there toots

Edz

[Vanilla]

You would enter into a separation deed which enables you have rights in other assets which are exercised if there is lack of delivery. But only if there is lack of delivery, certain assets can be placed in escrow so they can not be sold.

For example pension splitting.

This is my own solution.

V

[Sotto]

Thanks to you all for your kind comments. I feel a bit more settled today. Had a good night's sleep and bookshop GAL all day. I'm still full of cold, but I said I would cover the full day - open, cash up, close - so I didn't want to let them down. Had some good laughs and nice chats at the store, but feeling a bit ropey now.

You know, I was thinking - really, we're the lucky ones. There are tons of people out there who haven't found this, or similar, sites - and are just enduring it all without the great support. We all know that family and friends try to help and they love us - but it really isn't the same is it?

After my wobble yesterday, I decided I'm actually pretty clear on a number of things about our sitch:

*I'm willing for us to sell the marital home (if it's part of sorting overall finances.)
*I don't want to file for D at this stage
*I'm happy if we formalise our S in a 'deed of separation'

The more I think about it, H may well be amenable to a 'deed' if I tell him I'm happy for us to sell the house and divide our finances 'as though' we are D.

I want to tell him that I would prefer us not to D using the 'fault' (under 2 years) options of infidelity or unreasonable behaviour. I can tell him that a) I don't want our M to end, and b) to end in 'that' way if it is to end. Of course, he could choose to file and I would not stand in his way.

If he doesn't want to sort out the finances overall, I could say to him - hey, either of us could file for D at any point and we would have to sort out the finances then - I would just rather we do it in a nicer way.

Of course, I can also tell thim that it would not be my choice for our M to come to an end. But you know, now I'm just not so sure that I want us to remain M. I'm not sure that I don't want us to, but I'm not sure that I do either. Does anyone else feel that way?

T x

[gan]

But you know, now I'm just not so sure that I want us to remain M. I'm not sure that I don't want us to, but I'm not sure that I do either. Does anyone else feel that way?

It's a bingo from me. Took me some time to get to this place but I sure am there now.

[Sotto]

Well, it's a day off for Toots - the sun is shining and I feel better after my cold. I plan to do some of my distance learning interior design course today (possible future career change? - not sure...) And I'll be off to Mum sit later this pm.

Did a financial recce this morning and moved a couple of pots of cash around. My Dad is doing some investing for me. He's kindly guaranteed me against loss and made 20% for me so far. I think he's enjoying himself. It's only a few '000s invested - but it all helps.

Tomorrow is my monthly calligraphy workshop and we're writing with brushes - chinese style, so that should be nice. Sunday, I've offered to cook lunch for the parents.

No news from H. I'm thinking he may just have had a post-redundancy panic reaction and it's all gone quiet again now. Fine with me and I don't feel like I'm 'waiting' to hear from him. If he wants us to sort out the house etc he knows where I am.

Can't remember if I mentioned, but a guy I volunteer with asked me if I was dating yet. He knows quite a bit about our sitch. I told him no I'm not right now, and I'm still hoping H and I might reconcile if that's possible. I've worked with him a few times since and was with him for a full day yesterday. I'm still not dating - but I was thinking yesterday, he seems like a lovely guy, and it's nice to know that there are nice people 'out there' who could be interested in a R at some point...

Have a good day my lovely online friends! T x

[susana4]

Hi Toots,
Glad to hear you've recovered from your cold now! Enjoy the sun and the design course. Sounds like you have a really nice weekend planned.

I'm glad you are ok with waiting on news from H. Doesn't sound like it's in your best interests to press ahead on the house anyway so a wait and see approach seems best.

That's great about the guy that asked if you're dating. Also it's always flattering to be asked out, hope it gave you a nice little spring in your step rest of the day!

Enjoy the rest of your Friday and weekend T!x

[edz]

Great stuff on all fronts there toots.

You have a good one