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#2542640 02/26/15 05:47 PM
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Wawjr Offline OP
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I caught my wife cheating in July. She stopped it with him in August but went back in September and is still seeing him. This has been going on over a year. She says sorry and doesn't want to divorce but be separated living in the same house. She talks to him several times a day on the phone and even openly spent the night at his house 4 nights ago. I have tried everything and I want our marriage to work. What do I do to help this situation? I'm having great difficulty and am devastated. We have 3 kids 13 and under.

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Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.


Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2380415&page=1

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095


Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
(http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2534754&page=1).

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2183063&fpart=1

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-70, D37,S36
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Get your hands on the Divorce Remedy by MWD. Study it, b/c that information is what this board is based on.

Does your W know that you know about her A?

If so, what have you tried up to this point?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: Wawjr
I caught my wife cheating in July. She stopped it with him in August but went back in September and is still seeing him. . . .


What happened when she resumed the affair in September? Were there any consequences or actions you took then? What boundaries have you tried to put in place?


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Wawjr Offline OP
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Starsky I feel like I've tried a few things. I've done the 180. After a few weeks she went off yelling that I was taking over and being controlling. So I stopped. Then I went a few weeks of leaving her alone. When I catch her out with him I admit I have a setback. I can't take that pain. Any boundaries are met with resistance and seen as controlling. There is a wall with everything I do. I don't know what else to do. Suggestions. Help.

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You really should put your info in your sig like we all have done. Helps give us insight to what you are dealing with.


Me: 38
W: 32
S10 D6
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014
D finalized 9/2016
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Wawjr Offline OP
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I will. Can you tell me how.

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Go to your profile, look for your signature box and then input the data there.


Me: 38
W: 32
S10 D6
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014
D finalized 9/2016
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 24
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Wawjr Offline OP
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Thank you but where do I find what all that stuff means. I don't know what to put. Sorry for sounding stupid.

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Have you read DB or DR yet?

Stop being so needy around her. Can you give us a history of your marriage?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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